# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 314
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2025, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6272 "2025-06-02T14:59:04Z")
Jeez, it’s just a joke-- stop trying to make such a big dill out of it 😜 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2025, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6273 "2025-06-02T15:01:19Z")
I always relish **Chronos’s** comments. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2025, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6274 "2025-06-02T15:04:54Z")
Glad to hear you don’t consider **Chronos** ’ comments to be a waste of thyme. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2025, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6275 "2025-06-02T15:09:48Z")
My brine just can’t handle any more of these jokes. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2025, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6276 "2025-06-02T15:15:37Z")
Lettuce move on. ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2025, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6277 "2025-06-02T16:40:01Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > if you want dill in your garden Singing “Blowing In The Wind?” ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2025, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6278 "2025-06-02T17:14:05Z")
I am not worthy. 🙏 ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2025, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6279 "2025-06-02T17:16:26Z")
> [@Jaycat.again](#): > > > [@Chronos](#): > > > > if you want dill in your garden > > Singing “Blowing In The Wind?” Well, the ants _are_ your friends. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 2, 2025, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6280 "2025-06-02T19:42:48Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Patient: “Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.” > > Doctor: “Don’t worry. Mine too." Doctor, performing a prostate exam: “Now, Steve, it’s perfectly normal to get an erection during this procedure.” Patient: “That’s fine, but I’m George.” Doctor: “My name is Steve.” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 3, 2025, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6281 "2025-06-03T21:02:43Z")
_(I know these have been done to death but this was a new one on me)_ What do you call a girl with no arms and no legs riding in the bed of a pickup driving on a bumpy road? Jocelyn. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6282 "2025-06-04T16:34:20Z")
### I thought I bought an ancient religious painting, but it turned out to be a forgery. I was iconned. * * * ### How To Ruin A Knock-Knock Joke: –Knock, knock. Come in. * * * ### “Mrs. Green? It’s the hospital. Your little boy has been hit by a bus, but don’t worry.” “He had clean underwear on”. * * * ### Why do carpenters have a reputation for being considerate lovers? Because they pleasure twice and nut once. * * * ### A keyboard walks into the bar. The bartender asks, “Why the long space?” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 4, 2025, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6283 "2025-06-04T23:27:34Z")
I want a bouncy house at my funeral. And I want to be in it too. When all my friends jump, my lifeless body will bounce with them. What fun. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 6:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6284 "2025-06-05T06:42:52Z")
[![](https://i.gyazo.com/e83dea51e7782abc78aea2075b89f999.png) ](https://i.gyazo.com/e83dea51e7782abc78aea2075b89f999.png) Image credit: ChatGPT. Apologies if my guess at your appearance is wildly incorrect. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6285 "2025-06-05T11:00:31Z")
If you recharge a dead battery, does that make it an undead battery? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6286 "2025-06-05T12:49:37Z")
> [@Ponderoid](#): > > Apologies if my guess at your appearance is wildly incorrect. Well, for one thing, the real @smithsb looks a lot more alive. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6287 "2025-06-05T13:35:51Z")
### A guy walks up to the DJ at a high school homecoming. (Shouting over the loud bass)“Do you take requests?” “Sure.” “Please stop.” * * * ### I was assaulted by a man with a block of cheese. I mean, how dairy! * * * ### What’s an ambulance driver’s favorite gaming system? Wii U. * * * ### My umbrella broke in half today, which sucks… But it’s OK, because the weatherman said there’s only a 50% chance of rain. * * * ### What sound does a horse make while walking? _Clop, clop._ What sound does a horse make while walking uphill? _Clop, clop_ multiplied by the cosine of the slope angle. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6288 "2025-06-05T14:04:11Z")
Love it. ChatGPT has a real use. Only needs a handlebar moustache. ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [June 5, 2025, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6289 "2025-06-05T22:31:34Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### A guy walks up to the DJ at a high school homecoming. > > (Shouting over the loud bass)“Do you take requests?” > “Sure.” > “Please stop.” I get lots of requests. But I’m gonna keep playing anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6290 "2025-06-06T23:04:22Z")
### An 80 year old man is brought before the court for shoplifting. This was his third offense and the sentencing guidelines called for a sentence of 15 to 20 years. The judge says: “This is your third offense. You are hereby sentenced to 15 years.” “But I’m 80 years old,” the man says. “I’ll never live that long.” “Well”, says the judge, “just do the best you can.” * * * ### The best Father’s Day gift is a drum with no drumsticks. It can’t be beat. * * * ### I’m a stay at home dad and I started a daycare. When one of the parents was picking up their kid they commented,”Did you get the idea for this from that movie?” I said,”I did!” They go,”Oh my god! I loved Daddy Daycare!” I replied,” Actually, it was Apocalypse Now”. * * * ### Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn’t. It got run over. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6291 "2025-06-06T23:33:54Z")
…or just to show the armadillo that it really could be done. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=313) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=315)