# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 315
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 6, 2025, 11:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6292 "2025-06-06T23:47:14Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Love it. ChatGPT has a real use. Only needs a handlebar moustache. What would ChatGPT need a moustache for? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6293 "2025-06-07T12:18:09Z")
You should be careful around female twins; since women don’t grow goatees, you can never tell which one is the _evil_ twin until it’s too late. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 5:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6294 "2025-06-07T17:53:24Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > What would ChatGPT need a moustache for? It makes it look distinguished. [![](https://i.gyazo.com/ff4c1096f7c43d6fb657ab549cf12ae2.png) ](https://i.gyazo.com/ff4c1096f7c43d6fb657ab549cf12ae2.png) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 7, 2025, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6295 "2025-06-07T23:54:28Z")
Rigorous analysis and thanks for the mustache. [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/d129f34e-4c86-4e3e-89a2-c063264e43b1) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/d129f34e-4c86-4e3e-89a2-c063264e43b1) ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2025, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6296 "2025-06-08T00:40:13Z")
Punctuation is for people who are paid by the hour. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 8, 2025, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6297 "2025-06-08T11:31:39Z")
I was walking in the desert and I randomly ran into a group of friends, Rueben, Dagwood, and Sloppy Joe. I was surprised at all the sand which is there. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2025, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6298 "2025-06-09T10:35:52Z")
Buyer: Is the bicycle still available? Seller: Yes. Buyer: What’s the lowest you can go? Seller: 2mph. Otherwise, you tip over. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2025, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6299 "2025-06-09T16:01:57Z")
### I Googled the signs and symptoms of dementia. Why are all the links purple? * * * ### You can see the blood flowing in your veins if you look varicosely. * * * ### A friend asked me how I feel about nudity. I said that personally, it always left me cold. * * * ### I accidentally swallowed my watch yesterday. The only thing I could do was sit there and pass the time. * * * ### What does a Classical Music fan take to the record store? A Chopin Liszt. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2025, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6300 "2025-06-09T16:10:04Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Why are all the links purple? Now there’s joke that hardly anybody these days is gonna get. A few years ago I tried to set up my browser to give me back the blue/purple link distinction and in the process made pretty much every modern webpage unusable. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2025, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6301 "2025-06-09T18:48:17Z")
> [@Ponderoid](#): > > Now there’s joke that hardly anybody these days is gonna get. A few years ago I tried to set up my browser to give me back the blue/purple link distinction and in the process made pretty much every modern webpage unusable. It still shows up in Google search results, at least on my browser. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 9, 2025, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6302 "2025-06-09T22:07:17Z")
When a man says he’ll do anything for a woman; he means fighting bad guys or killing dragons. Definitely not vacuuming or washing dishes. Hope that helps. I have my own built-in alarm clock. It’s called a bladder … and it doesn’t have a snooze button. My alarm clock climbed into bed at 5am yesterday to ask mommy, " is electricity is a solid?" Mommy’s reply, “ask daddy.” So excited about my raise today. It was in medication dosage but a win’s a win ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 10, 2025, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6303 "2025-06-10T19:27:06Z")
### A scientist was walking on the street during hot summer day. “Damn, it’s hot” he complained. “Tell me about it” said the Sun above. Scientist was surprised. “Wow! Sound propagation through space!” * * * ### I joined a loneliness therapy group. No one showed up. * * * ### My son identifies as a crescent moon. I hope it’s just a phase. * * * ### How do you fix a broken gorilla? Use a monkey wrench. * * * ### My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. We call her Summer for short. ---
**Author:** ![SailorHG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SailorHG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SailorHG)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2025, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6304 "2025-06-11T10:35:43Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### My wife and I just had a daughter and named her JuneJulyAugust. > > We call her Summer for short. Good thing you don’t live south of the equator! You’d either have to call her “Winter” or change her name to “JanuaryFebruaryMarch” 😜 ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2025, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6305 "2025-06-11T17:35:01Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### How do you fix a broken gorilla? > > Use a monkey wrench. Well actually, a gorilla is an ape, not a monkey… > [@Real-world examples of 'Ummm, acktually, It's X, not Y' nitpicks, and discussion about them](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-world-examples-of-ummm-acktually-its-x-not-y-nitpicks-and-discussion-about-them/1019326/26): > > You’ll often hear “well actually, X is an ape, not a monkey”, but it’s rather more nuanced than that. Cladistically, apes are a subgroup of monkeys. Common usage tends to use “monkey” to refer to all simians except apes, but excluding apes from other simians doesn’t have a reasonable biological basis. I stand corrected… 😊 ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2025, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6306 "2025-06-11T17:38:09Z")
> [@solost](#): > > Well actually, a gorilla is an ape, not a monkey… And sometimes that’s important. (Ook) ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2025, 5:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6307 "2025-06-11T17:41:56Z")
For that matter, humans are all both apes and monkeys, too, but most humans will be insulted if you call them either. So don’t call the Librarian a monkey, and don’t call the Archchancellor an ape, even if both are technically true. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2025, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6308 "2025-06-11T19:05:04Z")
### Terry Pratchett fans, help me out here: Is Offler supposed to be _literally_ a crocodile? Or is it an allegory? * * * ### “All the shops have been smashed open, there was a whole bunch of people across the street helping themselves to musical instruments, can you believe that?” “Yeah,” said Rincewind. “Luters, I expect.” - Terry Pratchett * * * #### Nanny Ogg had learned how to spell banana, but had not learned when to stop. - Terry Pratchett * * * ### An increasing number of farmers are losing their crops due to drought. It’s a growing problem. * * * ### I give 110 percent! That’s why they fired me as a cashier. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [June 11, 2025, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6309 "2025-06-11T23:23:50Z")
None the languages I am at all familiar with or have an acquaintance who is, except English, has a separate word for ape. For example, my Swiss Friend called his HS the Affenkasten (literall monkey house, although I assume Affe is cognate with ape). If you look up ape in a English-French dictionary, you get something that back-translates to “hairless monkey without tail”. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2025, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6310 "2025-06-12T13:33:42Z")
### I knew a guy who would only shop at thrift shops. He married a single mother. Even his kids were second-hand. * * * ### What can you do if your partner always smokes after sex? Slow down and use more lube. * * * ### What is a wildcat’s favorite game show? _Leopardy_ * * * ### Snappy book titles for kids. ``` Why can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Socket be Friends? You're Different and That's Bad. Fun Things You Can Find Going Through Mommy and Daddy's Drawers. ``` * * * ### What’s the difference between customer service in 1995 vs 2025? In 1995, you had to speak with five different reps before finding someone who was able to help. In 2025, you get one Chatbot that apologizes beautifully for not being able to help. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2025, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6311 "2025-06-12T14:01:14Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > None the languages I am at all familiar with or have an acquaintance who is, except English, has a separate word for ape. Well, English and Morporkian, apparently. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=314) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=316)