# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 316
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2025, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6312 "2025-06-12T14:11:25Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### knew a guy who would only shop at thrift shops. > > He married a single mother. Even his kids were second-hand. He got his family on discount. As in, “discounts as starting a family”. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2025, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6313 "2025-06-12T16:16:23Z")
I could be mistaken, but don’t monkeys have tails, and apes don’t? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 12, 2025, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6314 "2025-06-12T22:03:33Z")
Most monkeys have tails. Some don’t. Some of the tailless ones are very large. ---
**Author:** ![SuntanLotion](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suntanlotion/32/16165_2.png) [@SuntanLotion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SuntanLotion)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2025, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6315 "2025-06-14T02:26:36Z")
Does the arachniphobia group have a web site? Whoever doesn’t use correct punctuation deserves a long sentence. ---
**Author:** ![Nyvaak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Nyvaak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nyvaak)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2025, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6316 "2025-06-14T03:07:46Z")
> [@Real-world examples of 'Ummm, acktually, It's X, not Y' nitpicks, and discussion about them](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/real-world-examples-of-ummm-acktually-its-x-not-y-nitpicks-and-discussion-about-them/1019326/26): > > Cladistically, apes are a subgroup of monkeys. Just don’t call the Librarian a monkey ! ---
**Author:** ![Nyvaak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Nyvaak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nyvaak)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2025, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6317 "2025-06-14T03:09:14Z")
Oops ! I see this has been covered several posts ago. Sorry for the redundancy. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2025, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6318 "2025-06-14T03:37:39Z")
After ignoring you for 20 minutes, you’d be surprised by how quickly employees at Home Depot will assist you when you try to start a chainsaw. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2025, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6319 "2025-06-14T03:38:19Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_53,w_100,c_scale/v200/544c86e1-d3a5-415e-a497-6cfdbd7e51fd) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_70,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_53,w_100,c_scale/v200/544c86e1-d3a5-415e-a497-6cfdbd7e51fd) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 14, 2025, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6320 "2025-06-14T14:51:03Z")
### “Nothing takes the sting out of these tough economic times like watching a bunch of millionaires giving golden statues to each other.” - Billy Crystal, hosting the Academy Awards * * * ### Flying the Confederate flag doesn’t make you a racist. It’s usually the other way around. * * * [![](https://www.dailyfreeman.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/DFN-L-cartoon-01_bdda16.jpg?w=812) ](https://www.dailyfreeman.com/wp-content/uploads/2025/06/DFN-L-cartoon-01_bdda16.jpg?w=812) - Pat Bagley ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2025, 11:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6321 "2025-06-16T11:11:38Z")
“So, if _‘femdom’_ is a kink about getting dominated by women, is _‘fandom’_ a kink about getting dominated by fans?” ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2025, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6322 "2025-06-16T11:33:05Z")
Kingdom? 🤔 ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 16, 2025, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6323 "2025-06-16T12:59:21Z")
‘Sorry I took my pants off at your gender reveal party. I thought we were all participating.’ ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6324 "2025-06-17T15:30:44Z")
### My Japanese instructor thinks that coins are talking to him. Sensei’s sense says cents say sensei. * * * ### How do you avoid a Summer cold? Catch it in the Winter. * * * ### What do you call John, Paul & George without Ringo? The Beatless. * * * ### How come there are so many Chuck Norris jokes but none about Clint Eastwood? Clint Eastwood is no joke. * * * ### Why should you always bring money to LBGT pride parades? Trans-action fees. ---
**Author:** ![Frodo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/frodo/32/302_2.png) [@Frodo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frodo)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2025, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6325 "2025-06-17T16:19:02Z")
Spanish does: Ape: Simio Monkey: Mono. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2025, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6326 "2025-06-18T02:25:10Z")
Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Norse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/a9adbd/32.png) [@Norse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Norse)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2025, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6327 "2025-06-18T12:41:54Z")
As do the Scandinavian languages. Ape: Menneskeabe (DK), Menneskeape (NO), Människoartade apor (SE). Literal translation to English: “Human-monkey” (DK, NO), “Human-like monkey” (SE) Monkey: Abe (DK), Apekatt/Ape (NO), Apa (SE) ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2025, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6328 "2025-06-18T12:44:45Z")
A man goes to his brother’s wedding in Paris. At the reception, he stands up and raises his glass, saying “Eggs…bread…cinnamon…maple syrup” and sits down. It was a French toast. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2025, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6329 "2025-06-20T14:33:43Z")
### People often accuse me of stealing other’s jokes and being a plagiarist. Their words — not mine… * * * ### Queue is spelled just with Q and four silent letters. No, it’s not; they’re just waiting their turn. * * * ### Did you hear about the jurisprudence fetishist? He got off on a technicality. * * * ### You’re a 10 on the pH scale. Because you’re basic. * * * ### I’m thinking about selling my theremin. I haven’t touched it in years. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2025, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6330 "2025-06-20T23:13:28Z")
**With your talent - you should be on the stage.** There’s one leaving in ten minutes. **He had an apartment in front -** And she had a flat behind. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2025, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6331 "2025-06-21T01:18:38Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Queue is spelled just with Q and four silent letters. And **tea** has two utterly redundant letters. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=315) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=317)