# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 320
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2025, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6392 "2025-07-06T16:02:28Z")
**A pizza is basically a real-time pie chart of how much pizza is left.** ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2025, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6393 "2025-07-06T16:10:57Z")
A young boy is failing math in school. The teacher spends extra time with him, no improvement. The parents spend extra time, no improvement. Mom hires a private tutor, no improvement. He is just not interested, makes little effort, seems doomed to failure. As a last resort he is placed in a Catholic school. On day one, he returns from school and races up to his room to study. He comes down only to gobble down a quick dinner, then returns immediately to his studies. This sequence repeats daily. Then he receives his first report card from the new school. Math: A+. His parents are astounded. They question him on what finally motivated him. His response: “They take math seriously in this school! You should see it, in every room there’s this guy nailed to a giant plus sign!” ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2025, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6394 "2025-07-06T16:24:20Z")
> [@](#): > > A young boy is failing math in school. I’d heard that one with the setup being that it’s a Jewish kid: showcasing how desperate the parents must be, to send him to a Catholic school, to say nothing of the ethnicity of said guy nailed to said plus sign… ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Duality](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr.duality/32/4098_2.png) [@Mr.Duality](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Duality)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2025, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6395 "2025-07-06T22:22:42Z")
[comment removed] ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2025, 12:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6396 "2025-07-07T00:15:22Z")
[comment removed] ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2025, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6397 "2025-07-07T00:17:44Z")
[comment removed] ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2025, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6398 "2025-07-07T03:20:04Z")
> [@Mr.Duality](#): > > [post removed] Do not post jokes about sensitive and/or abhorrent topics like pedophilia. No warning issued, but don’t do this again. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2025, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6399 "2025-07-07T12:13:14Z")
Aw, man, I thought the string of [removed] WAS the joke! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2025, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6400 "2025-07-07T13:55:27Z")
### I called Apple Records in England because I wanted to talk to Ringo. The recording told me to press the “star key.” * * * ### What did the octopus say to his girlfriend at the Beatles concert? I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand… * * * ### What did the clock say to the metronome after his stand-up routine? The jokes need some work, but your timing is impeccable. * * * ### I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal Elongate would be really drawn out. * * * ### What do you call a blimp with lots of light-emitting diodes? LED Zeppelin ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [July 7, 2025, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6401 "2025-07-07T17:26:59Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I hope Elon Musk never gets involved in a scandal > > Elongate would be really drawn out. I like that one, and it seems very likely we’ll get a chance to roll it out at some point. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2025, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6402 "2025-07-09T01:07:18Z")
### I was brought up in the wild by a pack of hyenas. Times were hard, food was scarce, but we had some great laughs. * * * ### What if aliens are responsible for global warming? And this is just their way of breaking the ice? * * * ### I took a picture of a wheat field today… It came out pretty grainy. * * * ### Knock, knock. Who’s there? Wooden shoe. Wooden shoe who? Wooden shoe like to know. * * * ### Why was the castle prostitute tired all the time? She worked knights. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2025, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6403 "2025-07-09T15:33:38Z")
**What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?** One’s a superhero and the other’s a command. **Why is PMS called that?** Mad Cow Disease was already taken ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2025, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6404 "2025-07-09T16:13:31Z")
**How does a non-binary person kill someone?** They / them ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2025, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6405 "2025-07-09T16:43:16Z")
### What do you call it when a boy finally claps back with a really good dad joke to his own dad? Son burn. * * * ### Why did the cannibals’ kid run away from home? His parents wanted to ground him. * * * ### A friar is like a monk, except that he’s not confined to a monastery. The world is his cloister. * * * ### What do you do when you’re attacked by a gang of circus performers? Go for the juggler. * * * ### What do ghosts use to get rid of wrinkles? Boo-tox. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2025, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6406 "2025-07-09T18:08:07Z")
Moderating: > [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](#): > > **What’s the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman?** > One’s a superhero and the other’s a command. > > **Why is PMS called that?** > Mad Cow Disease was already taken Hey, we are trying to reduce the amount of misogyny on this board. Please avoid jokes where the punchline is, “women, har har”. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2025, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6407 "2025-07-09T22:45:29Z")
**How do you make a Grecian urn?** Get him a job. **How do you make a Venetian blind?** Stick your finger in his eye. **How do you make a Maltese cross?** Punch him in the jaw. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2025, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6408 "2025-07-11T15:29:04Z")
### What money do they use on Superman’s homeworld? Kryptocurrency. * * * ### The World Health Organization has a new motto: WHO cares? * * * ### I went to the music shop to buy a violin, the assistant said “Do you want a bow as well?”.. I said “Don’t bother wrapping it”… * * * ### A plane carrying picnic baskets has crashed in the jungle. Rescue attempts are being hampered. * * * ### Adolf Hitler never took a taxi in his whole life. He was more of an Uber-mensch. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2025, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6409 "2025-07-11T15:57:49Z")
I was trying on a new pair of shoes but I couldn’t get them on. Salesman: Try pulling on the tongue when you put it on. Me: It chschtill doszsznch’t fichittt. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2025, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6410 "2025-07-11T22:59:27Z")
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**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2025, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6411 "2025-07-11T23:13:40Z")
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