# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 324
**Author:** ![Bayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bayaker/32/3454_2.png) [@Bayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bayaker)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2025, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6472 "2025-07-27T15:16:14Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I have no idea what that joke is talking about. I know Gilead is a region in the Bible, and that Poe referenced it in _The Raven_. Same here. It is also a town (region?) in Stephen King’s _Dark Tower_ series, but that doesn’t make the joke work either. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2025, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6473 "2025-07-27T15:17:13Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > Handmaid’s Tale. Ah. I saw the movie when it came out in 1990. Too long ago to remember any details; just the main idea. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2025, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6474 "2025-07-27T16:06:41Z")
From 1 Kings, chapter 18. Elijah is having a challenge with the priests of Baal. He has the sacrifice drowned in water to make it ridiculously hard to be set on fire. God does it anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 27, 2025, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6475 "2025-07-27T17:32:33Z")
**Which Roman emperor stopped aging before he turned 20?** Constantine. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6476 "2025-07-28T00:01:46Z")
It’s also been a TV series since 2017 for like 6 seasons! Sorry, I thought that was pretty widespread. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6477 "2025-07-28T00:27:16Z")
I’ve heard there’s a TV series. Never watched it. (Also, I’ve never read the book.) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 5:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6478 "2025-07-28T05:18:20Z")
Man sits by me on the train. Man: Loads of psychopaths around here. Me: Really? Man: Loads mate. Me: How’d you know? Man: There’s signs aren’t there? Me: I guess? Man: I love 'em. (47 minutes of awkward silence) Man leaves train. He has a bike. I realize he’s been saying ‘cycle paths’ all along. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 5:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6479 "2025-07-28T05:19:15Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/e46b4ce0-0385-4df2-89d3-ac3f3753ba8b) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/e46b4ce0-0385-4df2-89d3-ac3f3753ba8b) ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6480 "2025-07-28T11:10:46Z")
From my childhood - **Mary Had a Little Lamb** Mary had a little lamb Her father shot it dead Now Mary takes that lamb to school Between two hunks of bread. **Mary Had a Little Lamb** Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear I’ve often seen her little lamb But I’ve never seen her bear. **Mary Had a Little Sheep** Mary had a little sheep And with the sheep she went to sleep The sheep turned out to be a ram Mary had a little lamb. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6481 "2025-07-28T18:44:28Z")
### Do you know how hickory dickory mice win ball games? They run down the clock. * * * ### Why did the old woman live in the shoe? She couldn’t afford the property taxes on the boot. * * * ### What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud. * * * ### Why did the scarecrow go on a diet? He was feeling over-stuffed. * * * ### My wife won’t drink coffee. I think she’s missing a latte fun. ---
**Author:** ![Stana\_Claus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stana_claus/32/13874_2.png) [@Stana\_Claus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stana_Claus)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6482 "2025-07-28T18:50:12Z")
Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard To get her poor daughter a dress. When she got there, the cupboard was bare And so was her daughter, I guess. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6483 "2025-07-28T20:47:27Z")
Me: I know God’s name. My wife: No way! Me: Yahweh! ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6484 "2025-07-28T21:30:18Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I love Summer in Canada! > > It’s my favorite day of the year! I read a joke like that the other day (probably on the Dope) that I like: “Canada has 9 months of winter and 3 months of bad ice skating” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [July 28, 2025, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6485 "2025-07-28T23:00:38Z")
**My wife used to punch me in the face every time she orgasmed.** I didn’t mind much, until I found out she was faking them. ---
**Author:** ![BostonBlue](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bostonblue/32/21570_2.png) [@BostonBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BostonBlue)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6486 "2025-07-29T02:27:08Z")
Mary had a little lamb It got stuck up a pylon 10000 volts went up its tail and turned the wool to nylon. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6487 "2025-07-29T02:35:13Z")
That feels like it could also go in the thread about the joke from Johnny Carson. > [@Please explain to me the funniest joke ever told by Johnny Carson](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-to-me-the-funniest-joke-ever-told-by-johnny-carson/1021428/44): > > Late to the party, but I remember watching the original show that had the “Sis Boom Bah” line. I was a kid (I used to love staying up to watch Johnny Carson - made me feel very “grown up”) and I thought it was the funniest thing I’d ever heard. I’d never seen a joke that just completely destroyed the audience and the comedians like that, and I laughed myself silly over it. Never once did I even consider anything about cruelty to some hypothetical sheep. It was just funny as hell. The only other… ---
**Author:** ![SailorHG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SailorHG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SailorHG)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 1:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6488 "2025-07-29T13:22:26Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > From 1 Kings, chapter 18. Elijah is having a challenge with the priests of Baal. He has the sacrifice drowned in water to make it ridiculously hard to be set on fire. God does it anyway. There’s a theory that the soil under the sacrifice was high in magnesium (either natural or artificially boosted prior to the demonstration) and pouring the water actually _caused_ the fire to occur. So Elijah was also a chemist? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 29, 2025, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6489 "2025-07-29T13:25:24Z")
That’s completely implausible. You can’t get elemental magnesium near the surface of the Earth, for precisely that reason. Even in the Middle East, it rains occasionally. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2025, 7:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6490 "2025-07-30T07:57:34Z")
> [@SailorHG](#): > > There’s a theory that the soil under the sacrifice was high in magnesium (either natural or artificially boosted prior to the demonstration) and pouring the water actually _caused_ the fire to occur. So Elijah was also a chemist? The theory I’ve heard is that it wasn’t water Elijah was pouring on, but something flammable (alcohol or, I dunno what the options were back then). ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 30, 2025, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6491 "2025-07-30T14:20:42Z")
### ### I had a small clock implanted in my brain. I’ve been having second thoughts ever since. \_\_\_\_ ### The list for supplies from my kid’s school is really getting out of hand. This years we’re supposed to send four tires for the bus. \_\_\_ ### ‘Twas in a restaurant that they met: Romeo and Juliet. He had no cash to pay the debt, So Romeo’d what Juliet. \_\_\_\_ ### What kind of sauce does Eminem get at Taco Bell? 8 Mild. \_\_\_\_ ### In Memoriam, Tom Lehrer (who put all his lyrics in the Public Domain a number of years ago): [When you attend a funeral It is sad to think that sooner or l- -ater those you love will do the same for you](https://genius.com/5434498/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/When-you-attend-a-funeral-it-is-sad-to-think-that-sooner-or-l-ater-those-you-love-will-do-the-same-for-you) And you may have thought it tragic ([Not to mention other adjec- -tives](https://genius.com/4585991/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Not-to-mention-other-adjec-tives)) to think of all the weeping they will do But don’t you worry [No more ashes, no more sackcloth And an armband made of black cloth Will some day nevermore adorn a sleeve](https://genius.com/4169411/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/No-more-ashes-no-more-sackcloth-and-an-armband-made-of-black-cloth-will-some-day-nevermore-adorn-a-sleeve) [For if the bomb that drops on you Gets your friends and neighbors too There’ll be nobody left behind to grieve](https://genius.com/7688095/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/For-if-the-bomb-that-drops-on-you-gets-your-friends-and-neighbors-too-therell-be-nobody-left-behind-to-grieve) [And we will all go together when we go What a comforting fact that is to know](https://genius.com/7688103/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/And-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go-what-a-comforting-fact-that-is-to-know) [Universal bereavement - An inspiring achievement!](https://genius.com/4169424/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Universal-bereavement-an-inspiring-achievement) Yes, we all will go together when we go We will all go together when we go [All suffused with an incandescent glow](https://genius.com/4585998/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/All-suffused-with-an-incandescent-glow) [No one will have the endurance To collect on his insurance Lloyd’s of London will be loaded when they go](https://genius.com/4169354/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/No-one-will-have-the-endurance-to-collect-on-his-insurance-lloyds-of-london-will-be-loaded-when-they-go) [Oh, we will all fry together when we fry We’ll be French-fried potatoes by-and-by](https://genius.com/7688107/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Oh-we-will-all-fry-together-when-we-fry-well-be-french-fried-potatoes-by-and-by) [There will be no more misery When the world is our rotisserie Yes, we all will fry together when we fry](https://genius.com/7688111/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/There-will-be-no-more-misery-when-the-world-is-our-rotisserie-yes-we-all-will-fry-together-when-we-fry) [Down by the old maelstrom There’ll be a storm before the calm](https://genius.com/7688114/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Down-by-the-old-maelstrom-therell-be-a-storm-before-the-calm) And we will all bake together when we bake [There’ll be nobody present at the wake With complete participation In that grand incineration](https://genius.com/8685411/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Therell-be-nobody-present-at-the-wake-with-complete-participation-in-that-grand-incineration) [Nearly three billion hunks of well-done steak](https://genius.com/4169267/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Nearly-three-billion-hunks-of-well-done-steak) Oh, we will all char together when we char [And let there be no moaning of the bar](https://genius.com/4169363/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/And-let-there-be-no-moaning-of-the-bar) [Just sing out a Te Deum](https://genius.com/4169276/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Just-sing-out-a-te-deum) [When you see that ICBM](https://genius.com/4169395/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/When-you-see-that-icbm) [And the party will be come-as-you-are](https://genius.com/4586006/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/And-the-party-will-be-come-as-you-are) Oh, we will all burn together when we burn There’ll be no need to stand and wait your turn [When it’s time for the fallout](https://genius.com/26094185/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/When-its-time-for-the-fallout) [And Saint Peter calls us all out](https://genius.com/8685418/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/And-saint-peter-calls-us-all-out) [We’ll just drop our agendas and adjourn](https://genius.com/7688208/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Well-just-drop-our-agendas-and-adjourn) [You will all go directly to your respective Valhallas](https://genius.com/8685427/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/You-will-all-go-directly-to-your-respective-valhallas) [Go directly, do not pass ‘GO’, do not collect two hundred dollars](https://genius.com/4937359/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Go-directly-do-not-pass-go-do-not-collect-two-hundred-dollars) And we will all go together when we go [Every Hottentot and every Eskimo](https://genius.com/8685434/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/Every-hottentot-and-every-eskimo) [When the air becomes uraneous](https://genius.com/4169300/Tom-lehrer-we-will-all-go-together-when-we-go/When-the-air-becomes-uraneous) We will all go simultaneous Yes, we all will go together When we all go together Yes, we all will go together when we go [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=323) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=325)