# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 332
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2025, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6632 "2025-09-03T18:25:03Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Schroedinger wasn’t like the other physicists… Well, he was and he wasn’t. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 3, 2025, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6633 "2025-09-03T21:33:30Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I used to date a girl called Lorraine but now i’m with Clara. > > I can see Clara now Lorraine has gone. People have been told to ‘clear out of town by sunset’ for less. 😀 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 5, 2025, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6634 "2025-09-05T16:27:18Z")
### Orcas don’t belong in tanks! You need to teach them how to drive one responsibly first. * * * ### Why did the corn maze go back to school? It was tired of working in a dead end field. * * * ### My wife gave me an envelope with, “Not to be opened until 2027” on it. Inside was list of reasons why I cannot be trusted to follow simple instructions. * * * ### My pregnant wife just had another ultrasound. Or, as she calls it: “Connecting with her inner child”. * * * ### Whenever I’m facing a moral dilemma, I think of the advice my father gave me. "Never leave a paper trail,” he’d say, tapping the glass partition between us for emphasis. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2025, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6635 "2025-09-06T15:02:22Z")
### My psychology professor covered both Pavlov and Freud in the same week. I guess that’s why I salivate when I think of my mother. * * * ### How did the barber win the race? He took a shortcut. * * * ### My friend decided to get a facial tattoo of his favorite Star Wars character. You should see the Luke on his face! * * * ### What do you call someone who keeps abandoning their diet? A desserter. * * * ### What is a bunny without a carrot? Hungry! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2025, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6636 "2025-09-06T15:29:09Z")
**What did the dog wear on a cold and foggy night?** A rovercoat. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 6, 2025, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6637 "2025-09-06T20:59:00Z")
Halloween coming! Nothing will top the year I told everyone I was going to be Amelia Earhart for Halloween and then didn’t show up to the party. Therapist: What do we say when we’re afraid of getting out of bed? Me: “for Frodo” Therapist “nodding”: for Frodo. Evangelicals spent 60+ years screaming about the Antichrist coming… …then when he showed up, they started wearing his merchandise. The two unwritten rules of life: 1. 2. So my brother went to a restaurant called Dick’s Last Resort. The apparently give out hats to customers with insults written on them. My brother’s hat said: “2 inches away from being a woman.” Dumb: “There should be a zoo of drunk white people doing stupid crap.” Dumber: “It’s called Florida.” When the ATM charges you $3 to get your own money… …then tells you to cover your pin so you don’t get robbed… Eat too much on the weekend? Remember: Naked Monday is enshrined in the Magna Carta. It’s important to remember that everyone involved in renaming the DoD to the Department of War is afraid to take the subway. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2025, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6638 "2025-09-07T00:17:43Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > It’s important to remember that everyone involved in renaming the DoD to the Department of War is afraid to take the subway. Love it. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2025, 6:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6639 "2025-09-07T06:47:30Z")
Cashier checks my ID in just a second. Me: That was fast!. Cashier: I saw the 19. 🥴 I made a rum and raisin cake. It’s also gluten free. It’s also raisin free, and cake free. Okay, fine - it’s just rum. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2025, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6640 "2025-09-07T16:33:37Z")
My September goal is to be less condescending. (Condescending means to talk down to people.) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2025, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6641 "2025-09-07T18:03:11Z")
ISWYDT (I see what you did there - for the acronym challenged). 🙃 ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2025, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6642 "2025-09-07T21:11:52Z")
Canada’s plan to invade: > **[Operation Goose Fury](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f_OUnjENsgs%2F)** > > This just in: Operation Goose Fury to target America’s oat milk supply.✅ Get my free newsletter: join.FarAndWide.news☕ Like my content? Buy me a coffee! buym... ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 7, 2025, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6643 "2025-09-07T22:03:49Z")
Me: I keep getting these feelings that something bad is about to happen. Therapist: That’s called anxiety, many people feel this. And no, it doesn’t mean you have the Force. [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_100,w_96,c_scale,f_avif/v200/5c43313c-730d-4e7d-a262-f53c15983a40) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_100,w_96,c_scale,f_avif/v200/5c43313c-730d-4e7d-a262-f53c15983a40) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2025, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6644 "2025-09-08T05:05:41Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/53f4d93a-82f6-45b5-8548-94d458541a71) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/53f4d93a-82f6-45b5-8548-94d458541a71) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2025, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6645 "2025-09-08T14:44:03Z")
### A group of animals got together for a game of Bingo. The game ended when the B1. * * * ### A truckload of tortoises crashed into a truckload of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster. * * * ### I have problems with math, but with chemistry… …I have solutions! * * * ### Every time there’s an eclipse… …Bonnie Tyler makes $40,000. * * * ### Why do ducks have feathers on their tails? To cover their butt quacks. ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2025, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6646 "2025-09-08T15:52:25Z")
An atheist, a priest and a rabbit turn up at a Blood Transfusion session. Asked for their blood type, the atheist says “A”, the priest says “B”, and the rabbit says “I must be a Type O”. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 8, 2025, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6647 "2025-09-08T16:30:51Z")
I know a vegan who carries around a lucky rabbit’s foot. I’m pretty sure it is a faux paw. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2025, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6648 "2025-09-09T00:32:17Z")
How do you get down from a horse? You don’t, you get down from ducks. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2025, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6649 "2025-09-09T00:38:51Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Therapist: What do we say when we’re afraid of getting out of bed? > Me: “for Frodo” > Therapist “nodding”: for Frodo. > [@smithsb](#): > > Eat too much on the weekend? Remember: Naked Monday is enshrined in the Magna Carta. I’m afraid I don’t get either of these. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2025, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6650 "2025-09-09T01:05:00Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > I’m afraid I don’t get either of these. Yeah, me neither. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 9, 2025, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6651 "2025-09-09T01:12:24Z")
> [@Askance](#): > > You don’t, you get down from ducks. Wrong. You don’t get down from an elephant. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=331) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=333)