# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 335
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2025, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6692 "2025-09-20T15:53:17Z")
> [@Ponderoid](#): > > This is the first time I’ve heard “Titus.” Thanks. I now recall that the names had your explanatory sentences. Titus was, ‘Titus. He’s self-explanatory.’ ---
**Author:** ![DirtyHippy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtyhippy/32/107_2.png) [@DirtyHippy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DirtyHippy)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2025, 4:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6693 "2025-09-20T16:00:42Z")
And a slide rule ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2025, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6694 "2025-09-20T17:02:33Z")
> [@PatrickLondon](#): > > > [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > > > **The constipated mathematician** worked it out with a pencil > > And logs > [@DirtyHippy](#): > > And a slide rule I think it should be: The Constipated Mathematician† works out his logs with a pencil and slide rule. †band name ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2025, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6695 "2025-09-20T17:32:19Z")
Now I want to listen to _Constipation Blues_ by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2025, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6696 "2025-09-20T19:07:58Z")
**Ex-Lax is the best fighter the world ever had.** He could pound the sh\*t out of Superman. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2025, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6697 "2025-09-20T19:15:26Z")
Got called into an HR meeting because apparently telling your co-worker that you knew he was a C-section baby by the way he avoids labor is not acceptable. I was at Walmart with my three sons and my youngest started crying because he wanted a box of tampons thinking it was candy. My middle son yelled, “Those aren’t candy, they’re TAMPONS for Mommy’s WIENER!” My oldest screamed, “Mommy doesn’t have a WIENER, she has a VAGINA!” He was so proud of his new words. The cashier said, “Strip down, facing me.” By the time I realized she meant the debit card, it was too late. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2025, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6698 "2025-09-20T23:10:57Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > I was at Walmart with my three sons and my youngest started crying because he wanted a box of tampons thinking it was candy. A seven-year-old boy walks into a drugstore and says “I’d like a box of Tampax, please”. The clerk asks him “Why do you want a box of Tampax?” The boy says “The ads say that with Tampax, you can swim, ride a bike, or climb a tree, and I can’t do any of those things.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2025, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6699 "2025-09-21T00:57:31Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > **Ex-Lax is the best fighter the world ever had.** > > He could pound the sh\*t out of Superman. **AI Overview:** World War I fighter planes, particularly those with rotary engines, used castor oil as a high-performance lubricant because it performed well in the low-temperature conditions of high-altitude flight and could tolerate the high-stress operation of the engine’s total loss oiling system. While effective, the oil was expelled from the engine as a mist, coating the pilot, goggles, and plane, and acting as a natural laxative that caused nausea and digestive upset among aviators. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2025, 7:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6700 "2025-09-21T07:56:50Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/cf28442c-59ac-4ca6-8b45-50be1dab3f18) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/cf28442c-59ac-4ca6-8b45-50be1dab3f18) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2025, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6701 "2025-09-21T12:39:22Z")
### A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, “If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?” A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, “I think I’d throw up.” * * * ### What’s a dentist’s favorite hymn? _Crown Him With Many Crowns_. * * * ### Someone sent the Buddha a gift box tied with a ribbon. Buddha opened it to find it empty. “Aha!”, he said, “Just what I wanted. Nothing!” * * * **What do you call a guy wearing a hockey mask at the grocery store?** Freddy Kroger. * * * **What do you call someone who imitates your Fall centerpiece?** A cornucopier. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2025, 9:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6702 "2025-09-21T21:12:14Z")
Costco cashier: Did you find everything you were looking for? Me: First of all, I wasn’t looking for any of this. I called ahead to the Supermarket to ask them to lock the Ice Cream section until I leave the store. Let’s have the immigrants hunt down sexual predators for a chance at citizenship. We’ll call it ‘Aliens vs. Predators’. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2025, 9:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6703 "2025-09-21T21:32:19Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/39ccae4a-a62d-4ecb-ae2f-a448df14c132) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/39ccae4a-a62d-4ecb-ae2f-a448df14c132) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2025, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6704 "2025-09-21T22:00:08Z")
**What’s worse than a box full of snakes?** A box that was _supposed_ to be full of snakes ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2025, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6705 "2025-09-21T22:55:17Z")
**Why did we name it Parmesan cheese…** … instead of spaghetti confetti? It’s like we don’t even try anymore. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2025, 12:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6706 "2025-09-22T00:45:55Z")
Winwood mostly played keys, Dave Mason mostly played guitar. Except for the John Barleycorn record. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2025, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6707 "2025-09-22T00:48:53Z")
I’ll need that one explained. I can see irony in someone named \*\*Win[d]\*\*wood playing a keyboard. Not sure about a Mason playing a guitar. Barleycorn? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2025, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6708 "2025-09-22T01:19:00Z")
I’m a bit (my term) overweight. Doc said to get more seafood in your diet. Me: Swim you damn pig! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2025, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6709 "2025-09-22T01:52:20Z")
It’s a reference to the last panel of the cartoon. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2025, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6710 "2025-09-22T01:58:26Z")
Ah. OK. I saw the cartoon months (?) ago, so I didn’t re-read it. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2025, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6711 "2025-09-22T06:13:06Z")
I love it when I stump the IT guy. "Aha, you thought this would be a quick ticket. Just remote in, click one button and make me look like a fool. But … I have screwed things up more than you could have imagined. Checkmate! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=334) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=336)