# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 340
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2025, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6792 "2025-10-18T13:57:22Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/a4fa690c-9159-47a9-8aa7-b9343fc1980a) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/a4fa690c-9159-47a9-8aa7-b9343fc1980a) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2025, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6793 "2025-10-18T15:15:03Z")
### Star Trek characters make the worst sports fans… They always root for the away team. * * * ### A Star Trek fan meets William Shatner. “Wow. I can’t believe I’m meeting you at Comic Corn.” “Actually, it’s called Comic Con” “Com?” “Con.” “Cold?” "Com! “Cookie?” “CONNNNNNNN!” * * * ### Superman walks into a room with a pancake on his head… Not all heroes wear crepes. * * * ### How many Egyptians can you fit in a pyramid? A pharaoh mount. * * * ### I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost. I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2025, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6794 "2025-10-18T19:19:33Z")
Two prostitutes were standing together next to a lamppost. One says “I think it’s going to be a busy night. You can just smell the dick in the air!” The other says, “No, that was me. I just burped”.” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 18, 2025, 8:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6795 "2025-10-18T20:10:39Z")
Microplastics are everywhere: [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/12867b12-1098-4370-a2ce-89863dc7aeeb) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/12867b12-1098-4370-a2ce-89863dc7aeeb) Wait until someone starts using this line with condoms. Wait? Microplastics? Micro… ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 20, 2025, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6796 "2025-10-20T13:53:40Z")
Doctor: Let’s not dwell on the negative. Several parts of the surgery **were** done correctly. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2025, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6797 "2025-10-21T01:07:25Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_95,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/35d7016a-a3e7-466d-a1b6-423faae43802) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_95,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/35d7016a-a3e7-466d-a1b6-423faae43802) ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2025, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6798 "2025-10-21T10:29:56Z")
[![](https://i.ibb.co/dsnC3ZqG/Horse-with-no-name.jpg) ](https://i.ibb.co/dsnC3ZqG/Horse-with-no-name.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 21, 2025, 11:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6799 "2025-10-21T11:31:38Z")
Why is an old dog like a sheet of notebook paper? An old dog is a slow pup. A slope up is an inclined plane. An ink-lined plane is a sheet of notebook paper. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 23, 2025, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6800 "2025-10-23T15:58:17Z")
**An old prison inmate asks a new arrival “whaddaya in for?”** “Hunting.” “_Hunting_? What hunting law did you break that was so bad you ended up here?” “I don’t know. I tried to follow all the hunting laws-- during deer season I only hunted deer. During rabbit season I only hunted rabbits. During duck season I only hunted ducks.” “So you have _ **no idea** _ what law you broke?” “All I know is, it happened during tourist season.” * * * ETA: dammit, I have to remember to do a thread search _ **before** _ I post 🤦‍♂️ > [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > “Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?” ---
**Author:** ![rbroome](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/838e76/32.png) [@rbroome](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rbroome)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6801 "2025-10-24T02:15:07Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > The Frodo one is Frodo Baggins, Lord of the Rings character. I wasn’t a fan, copied the joke, it apparently comes from the film. Perhaps someone with more intimate knowledge of the film/book could enlighten us? I didn’t see where anyone else posted the explanation so I will contribute to the thread. It really isn’t a joke except that it is a very in-group quote. Bilbo, the main hobbit in the first book, is fond of telling his friends that it is dangerous to get out of bed in the morning because one might walk out the front door and on to an adventure. The phrase is repeated several times in various ways and is a foundational part of the story. It shows that how special the main characters in the books are. And is a comment on the general idea of being out of the ordinary and finding reward by being so. Like I said, not really funny, but a small phrase that only the dedicated readers will understand. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6802 "2025-10-24T15:33:08Z")
### Where did Frodo find evidence that the elves were Scientologists? In Elrond’s Cupboard. * * * ### What’s Frodo short for? He’s a hobbit. * * * ### Why did Bilbo have a boner at his own funeral? Because old Hobbits die hard. * * * ### Last Halloween I went as a ‘former gifted student.’ I just wore normal clothes, and when people asked me what I was supposed to be, I sighed and said “I was supposed to be a lot of things.” * * * ### For Halloween I’ve got a job making plastic Draculas There’s only two of us working here so I have to make every second count. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6803 "2025-10-24T15:39:33Z")
I’m investing heavily in stocks. Which ones? Beef, Chicken, Vegetable; One day, I hope to become a boulionaire. My son is looking for a job. Any ideas? He should apply for the Search and Rescue Team. They’re always looking for someone. I’m going to take up coin collecting. The change will do me good. I never really liked the taste of comets. I prefer the taste of asteroids. I didn’t know either had a taste. Oh yes. Asteroids are a little meteor. I’m taking steps to overcome my hiking addiction. How’s it going? I’m not out of the woods yet. I want to get circumcised. Don’t you think you’re too old? I don’t know. What’s the cut off date? I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwartznegger dolls are. He replied, “Asile B, Back.” An alien got onboard and is running through the ship yelling, “Hello” at everyone it sees. That’s odd? I put the crew on “Hi” alert. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6804 "2025-10-24T17:05:43Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Last Halloween I went as a ‘former gifted student.’ > > I just wore normal clothes, and when people asked me what I was supposed to be, I sighed and said “I was supposed to be a lot of things.” 👏 👏 👏 ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [October 24, 2025, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6805 "2025-10-24T17:28:27Z")
Why was Robin Hood in the hospital? He had menintightus! ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2025, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6806 "2025-10-25T13:56:38Z")
Once I was having dinner with a chess champion. There was a checkered tablecloth. It took him 2 hours to pass the salt. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2025, 2:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6807 "2025-10-25T14:23:35Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Once I was having dinner with a chess champion. There was a checkered tablecloth. So you were having dinner with your check mate? Sorry to pawn off such a bad joke on you ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2025, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6808 "2025-10-26T01:58:26Z")
Wife: Can you give the kids a talk on drugs? Me: Okay, but I talk a lot of shit when I’m high. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2025, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6809 "2025-10-26T13:35:09Z")
Feeling depressed? Alone? Need an inspirational thought? Remember, YOU MATTER! Unless you multiply yourself by the speed of light (squared), then, YOU ENERGY! ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2025, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6810 "2025-10-27T01:17:47Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/d2197529-80d7-4770-a6ca-b669a767b442) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/d2197529-80d7-4770-a6ca-b669a767b442) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2025, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6811 "2025-10-27T01:26:58Z")
### What do you call a poem about batteries? Anode * * * ### Did you hear about the corrupt border patrol agent? He takes VISA. * * * ### Two potatoes are hitchhiking along a highway. Which one is a prostitute? The one marked “Idaho”. * * * ### The Louvre has been robbed. Security said that the thieves left so quickly; they barely saw the Van Gogh! * * * ### What do you call a werewolf youtuber? A lycansubscribe. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=339) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=341)