# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 341
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2025, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6812 "2025-10-27T17:48:01Z")
### Did you know Dracula is a vegan? Stake kills him. * * * ### I went trick or treating as Gandhi and kept all of my candy in a hat And when someone tried to take the candy from my hat i told them “My hat my candy”. * * * ### A small boy dressed as a pirate knocked on my door last night. I opened the door and he waved his sword & said “Trick or Treat” I said " Oh look a pirate, but where are your buccaneers ? " He took the chocolate bar & replied " Under my buckin hat." * * * ### Why doesn’t Ed Sheeran have a girlfriend? Because Sheeran away. * * * ### A man was at the fair when he heard a carnie shouting “Step right up and spin the Wheel of Nostradamus and win a prize!” Intrigued, the man approached and asked how much for one spin. “Only five dollars per spin, sir.” Outraged, the man asked why it was so expensive. The carnie replied: “I’m trying to turn a prophet here!” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2025, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6813 "2025-10-27T20:52:11Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_71,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/3fc1bf23-2d61-4eb1-9f4e-dbdef0854640) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_71,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/3fc1bf23-2d61-4eb1-9f4e-dbdef0854640) ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2025, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6814 "2025-10-27T21:13:22Z")
I asked the Indian coat-check guy what his name was. He replied “Mahatma Coat”. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2025, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6815 "2025-10-27T22:29:53Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_73,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/f7365556-af11-4150-8e9f-43720fef75a4) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_73,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/f7365556-af11-4150-8e9f-43720fef75a4) ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6816 "2025-10-28T13:18:00Z")
Police have confirmed that the man who tragically fell from the roof of a 19th floor nightclub was not a bouncer. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6817 "2025-10-28T13:40:50Z")
WC Fields used the pseudonym “Mahatma Caine Jeeves” for himself as the writer for The Bank Dick and that’s what showed up in the credits. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6818 "2025-10-28T14:46:31Z")
I asked my wife to play a naughty schoolgirl in the bedroom. She came back with a forged note from her mother saying she didn’t have to participate in today’s class. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 28, 2025, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6819 "2025-10-28T15:33:15Z")
Girlfriend: The only easel they sell here is $85. Should I get it? Me: Well, is it a good brand like a Vind? GF: It’s just a “Staples” brand. Me: Let’s go to another store. If I’m dropping nearly $100 on an easel, it better be a Vind. GF: What’s so special about a Vind -eas…oh screw you! .. .. Dear Louvre thieves: How fast do you think you could get the Epstein files. America is waiting. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 29, 2025, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6820 "2025-10-29T14:20:43Z")
### Donald Trump is the candy corn of politicians. Part white, part orange and sickening in large doses. * * * ### What do you call a werewolf in plain sight? A therewolf. * * * ### Why don’t mummies ever relax? They’re afraid they’ll unwind. * * * ### What did the passive aggressive raven say to Edgar Allen Poe? “…ugh, nevermind.” * * * ### Dracula decided it was time to give his son “the talk” Dracula: You see, when two monsters love each other very much, they- Son: They do the mash Dracula: _nodding_ They do the monster mash ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2025, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6821 "2025-10-30T12:37:18Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Donald Trump is the candy corn of politicians. > > Part white, part orange and sickening in large doses. Also, with a streak of yellow. And sickening in _ **any** _ dose. > [@smithsb](#): > > GF: What’s so special about a Vind -eas…oh screw you! This reminded me of an IRL exchange I had years ago. I worked with a woman who had an obnoxious, abrasive personality. We were in an open office area with her, another employee, and our manager. The manager was out of the office one day, so when the manager’s phone rang the obnoxious woman answered it. I wasn’t listening to what she was saying, but her tone was very rude. To a customer. She slammed down the phone and angrily said “I hate repeating myself!” I saw my chance to tease her and said “what?” Her: I hate repeating myself! Me: you hate what? Her: I hate repeating…SCREW YOU!! Other employee in the room: LOLOLOL ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2025, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6822 "2025-10-30T15:18:27Z")
I was in a meeting once where the leader said “We need to question _everything_” and I said “Why would we question everything?” and the leader started giving reasons… ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2025, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6823 "2025-10-30T19:28:12Z")
**I ate my last piece of cheese, and now it’s raining.** Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 30, 2025, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6824 "2025-10-30T22:39:25Z")
**When I was a kid…** I could go to the store with _one dollar_ and come home with two bags of chips, four candy bars, and a cold drink. Now they have cameras everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2025, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6825 "2025-10-31T10:17:14Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone. I googled this and got a bunch of hits, but didn’t see the origin for this. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2025, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6826 "2025-10-31T10:24:13Z")
Just a silly pun on a Bill Withers song: “Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone…” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2025, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6827 "2025-10-31T11:00:00Z")
It’s not Gouda when she’s away… ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2025, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6828 "2025-10-31T11:19:14Z")
**With your talent, you should be on the stage.** There’s one leaving in ten minutes. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [October 31, 2025, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6829 "2025-10-31T11:35:55Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone. > [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > It’s not Gouda when she’s away… Yes, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know… ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2025, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6830 "2025-11-01T01:31:58Z")
While it’s in the news today, remember that nobody had more Argentine beef than Margaret Thatcher. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2025, 1:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6831 "2025-11-01T01:33:43Z")
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