# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 342
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2025, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6832 "2025-11-01T01:38:38Z")
Husband: Stabs vampire. Wife: O M G Husband: Beats zombie to death. Wife: OMG … OMG Husband: What!!! Wife; You’re supposed to give them candy! ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2025, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6833 "2025-11-01T10:03:30Z")
I asked my doctor if I needed a prostate exam. He just gave me a thumbs up. mmm ---
**Author:** ![PatrickLondon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/patricklondon/32/4422_2.png) [@PatrickLondon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatrickLondon)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2025, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6834 "2025-11-01T11:00:59Z")
What, both of them? ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2025, 11:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6835 "2025-11-01T11:10:39Z")
“Using the whole fist, doc?” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2025, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6836 "2025-11-01T13:04:25Z")
This generation won’t ever understand how good it felt to be in the HORROR section at Blockbuster on a Friday night. Why vampire cats no longer exist. “Sunbeam, sunbeam, must … go … to … sunbeam.” I heard a rival dad in the neighborhood was handing out full size candy bars. So now every trick-or-treater that comes to my door is getting an entire rotisserie chicken. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2025, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6837 "2025-11-01T13:09:58Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > “Using the whole fist, doc?” Sorry the video doesn’t work. It was from _Fletch_. Never mind. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2025, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6838 "2025-11-01T19:27:42Z")
Man: “Oh, no, it’s _him._ I _hate_ that guy, he’s totally anti-semantic.” Woman: "You mean he’s anti-_semitic."_ Second Man: “Invisible pink whirligig eats singalongs! Welcome dimensional sleep!” Man: “No.” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2025, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6839 "2025-11-02T00:12:52Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_81,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/45142196-1e26-4abb-b600-2edb5f7a93ff) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_81,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/45142196-1e26-4abb-b600-2edb5f7a93ff) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2025, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6840 "2025-11-02T00:18:45Z")
Halloween costume. [![](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/G4qwBnYWwAARvv9?format=jpg&name=900x900) ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/G4qwBnYWwAARvv9?format=jpg&name=900x900) ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2025, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6841 "2025-11-02T02:26:31Z")
“We’ve been over this over and over again, clubs are useless against undead equines. Stop beating a dead horse.” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2025, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6842 "2025-11-02T13:39:59Z")
Busy day at Stonehenge what with having to reset the stones. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2025, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6843 "2025-11-02T14:05:21Z")
**A distinguished looking older gentleman walks into a bar, sits down and orders a beer.** The bartender is a young woman who likes older men, and finds his quiet air of authority attractive. She strikes up a conversation with him and finds out he’s a recently retired military officer and a long-time widower. She says “I hope this isn’t too personal, but when was the last time you made love to a woman?” “Twenty ten, ma’am” he replies. She thinks that is far too much time, and feels bad for him. She says she’s off work in five minutes, lives right around the corner, and says he can come by for a ‘nightcap’ if he wants to. A little later, after the lovin’, they’re lying in bed and she says “wow, for someone who hasn’t made love in 15 years, you didn’t forget a thing— you really know what you’re doing!” He says “15 years? 20:10 was only a few hours ago”. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2025, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6844 "2025-11-02T18:54:54Z")
What did the sushi say to the bee? _Wasabi!_ ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2025, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6845 "2025-11-03T13:48:59Z")
What airplane bounces when it lands? Boeing. (came up with this one myself) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2025, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6846 "2025-11-03T19:21:02Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/7415e2d4-8a07-4e8d-b0a4-36fa86a0d148) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/7415e2d4-8a07-4e8d-b0a4-36fa86a0d148) ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2025, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6847 "2025-11-03T20:01:54Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Insane fact: > The earth is only 8 CVS receipts from the sun. That’s funny > [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > What airplane bounces when it lands? > > Boeing. > > (came up with this one myself) Was that an ACME plane? ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2025, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6848 "2025-11-03T20:33:32Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Donald Trump is the candy corn of politicians. > > Part white, part orange and sickening in large doses. > **[Jimmy Kimmel Live on Instagram: "Does this Candy Corn look familiar to you?"](https://www.instagram.com/reel/DQdUsg7kQ4l/)** > > In this fun video, learn how to transform candy corn into cute characters. From turning candy corn upside down to adding a little face and costume, get creative and make your own candy corn characters. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2025, 3:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6849 "2025-11-04T15:46:40Z")
### In anatomy class, we were assigned to work together to build a skeleton. I hid an arm bone. No one found it humerus. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2025, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6850 "2025-11-04T16:16:04Z")
People in sleeping bags are the soft tacos of the bear world. The only thing flat earthers have to fear is…sphere itself. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2025, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6851 "2025-11-04T16:19:00Z")
Ironically, saying “that’s cringe” is very cringe. mmm [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=341) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=343)