# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 348
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2025, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6952 "2025-12-03T14:29:42Z")
**Yesterday I spotted an albino Dalmatian.** It was the least I could do for him. **Have you ever tried archery blindfolded?** You don’t know what you’re missing. **Corduroy pillows are constantly in the news.** They always make headlines. **I can’t remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6, and 500 in Roman numerals.** I M LIVID. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2025, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6953 "2025-12-03T15:02:17Z")
## True wisdom from my graduate control circuits class professor: “Electronics work on smoke and bad odors. To design a successful circuit, you must ensure they never leak out. A leak will ensure your circuit never functions again. Any observation of said leakage will result in a failing grade for that assignment.” ## When my wife stares at me for a bit too long, I can’t tell if she’s admiring me, regretting her life decisions, or just noticing I have a long nose hair. ## Is your day going poorly? Problems cropping up? Unsure about your next step? "Remember when you said “I had a bad feeling about today?” “Yes” “It just got worse.” My favorite coat is falling apart so I might just throw it out… Or sew its seams. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2025, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6954 "2025-12-03T15:14:07Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Any observation of said leakage will result in a failing grade for that assignment. It was said that Lucas electrical systems in British cars ran on smoke. If the smoke leaks out, the circuit stops working. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2025, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6955 "2025-12-03T16:16:41Z")
### I just a read an article that states crows have started lose their ability to communicate. Scientist are scrambling trying to find the caws, but the research is murder. * * * ### A book from the future spontaneously manifested on my desk. But that’s a story for another time. * * * ### I’m giving my son a 1000-watt flashlight for Christmas. I can’t wait to see his face light up. * * * ### Did you know that when you sneeze and fart at the same time… …your body takes a screenshot? * * * ### A Chinese doctor moved to the U.S. and couldn’t find a job at a hospital. So he opened a small clinic and put up a bold sign that read: “Cure for any disease for $20 — If you’re not cured, get $100 back!” One day, a clever American lawyer saw the sign. “This looks like a scam,” he thought, “but maybe I can make a quick $100!” He walked in, feeling confident. Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my sense of taste.” Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops in his mouth.” Lawyer: “Ugh! That’s kerosene!” Doctor: “Perfect! Your taste is back. That’ll be $20.” A few days later, the lawyer came back. Lawyer: “Doctor, I’ve lost my memory. I can’t remember anything.” Doctor: “Nurse, Box 22 — three drops.” Lawyer: “Wait! That’s kerosene again!” Doctor: “Wonderful! Your memory is restored. That’s $20.” Still determined, the lawyer tried one last time. Lawyer: “Doctor, my eyesight is failing. I can’t see a thing!” Doctor: “Ah, sorry — no cure for that. Here’s your $100.” The doctor handed him… $20. Lawyer (squinting): “Hey, wait a minute — this is only $20!” Doctor: “Fantastic! Your eyesight is back. That’ll be $20.” ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2025, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6956 "2025-12-03T18:56:34Z")
Some scientists got injured trying to cross a crab and a cheetah. Things went sideway pretty quickly with their experiment. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2025, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6957 "2025-12-03T19:27:51Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I just a read an article that states crows have started lose their ability to communicate. > > Scientist are scrambling trying to find the caws, but the research is murder. Maybe it’s just a symptom of Corvid. ---
**Author:** ![KCB615](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ea666f/32.png) [@KCB615](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KCB615)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2025, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6958 "2025-12-03T19:39:02Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > It was said that Lucas electrical systems in British cars ran on smoke. If the smoke leaks out, the circuit stops working. My father is an avid fan of older British sports cars, and has had MGs, a Triumph, and now a Jaguar. I bought him a jar of Lucas OEM Replacement Smoke about 10 years ago. He chuckled, but I don’t think he thought it was nearly as funny as I did…. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [December 3, 2025, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6959 "2025-12-03T21:24:00Z")
Ha!!! ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 4, 2025, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6960 "2025-12-04T08:44:25Z")
Why don’t the British make computers? They can’t figure out how to make them leak oil. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6961 "2025-12-05T00:44:03Z")
“Hey man, you wanna eat 6 hardboiled eggs in a row?” “Nah, I’m good.” “We’ll mix the yolks with mayo and mustard and put them back into the boiled egg whites; then cover them with paprika.” “You son-of-a-bitch, I’m in.” Kirk: Spock, want to hear my Superman impression, “Up, up, and away!” Spock: That’s Superman. Kirk: Thanks, I’ve been practicing it a lot. Your veterinarian won’t tell you this, but if your dog is running a fever, go to the store and buy some mustard. It’s the best thing for a hot dog. Six cows were smoking dope and playing poker. That’s right; the steaks were high. Now that I’m older, I realize “Grumpy Old Men” isn’t a movie, it’s a training video. Yesterday, I left work pretending to be sick. Today, two colleagues didn’t show up, saying they caught it from me! Damn Liars! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6962 "2025-12-05T02:08:36Z")
### What is a vegan’s favorite Christmas song? _Soy to the World_. * * * ### Why are Christmas trees bad at knitting? They’re always dropping their needles. * * * ### What do you call an old snowman? Water. * * * ### What is Santa’s favorite time of salty treat? Crisp Pringles. * * * ### What type of motorcycle does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6963 "2025-12-05T13:33:11Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Kirk: Spock, want to hear my Superman impression, “Up, up, and away!” > Spock: That’s Superman. > Kirk: Thanks, I’ve been practicing it a lot. Shouldn’t that first bit be Batman or Spider-Man or something? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6964 "2025-12-05T13:45:42Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > “Hey man, you wanna eat 6 hardboiled eggs in a row?” > “Nah, I’m good.” > “We’ll mix the yolks with mayo and mustard and put them back into the boiled egg whites; then cover them with paprika.” > “You son-of-a-bitch, I’m in.” Pro tip: use Old Bay or Cajun seasoning in place of paprika to really devil up them eggs. Sorry, no follow-up joke here, but if I can help even one person level up their deviled egg game, I will have done my good deed for the day. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6965 "2025-12-05T14:06:44Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > Shouldn’t that first bit be Batman or Spider-Man or something? Spock, “That’s Superman.” Read as, That’s super man. A complement as Kirk heard it. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6966 "2025-12-05T14:09:29Z")
I think what he’s saying is: Kirk: Spock, want to hear my **Spiderman** impression, “Up, up, and away!” Spock: That’s Superman. (he’s correcting not commenting) Kirk: Thanks, I’ve been practicing it a lot. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6967 "2025-12-05T14:21:50Z")
Nope, Spock is saying ‘Superman’, Kirk is hearing 'super man. As in, ’ that’s really fine /neat/ super/ cool man. I think we’ve killed this joke🤣 ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6968 "2025-12-05T14:24:10Z")
My point is: why would Spock say that? If he gets told it’s a Batman impression, and then he corrects the impressionist, and then he gets misinterpreted by the impressionist — yeah, that I follow. But if he gets told it’s an impression of Superman, there’s no reason for him to parrot that info back to the guy. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6969 "2025-12-05T14:25:42Z")
Read @Cheesesteak 's explanation in the previous post a little more closely. The joke only works if Kirk says anybody BUT Superman in the first line. No judgement, just trying to help-- if told correctly, it’s a solid dad joke. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6970 "2025-12-05T14:38:01Z")
Nah. Kirk is an idiot and believes he’s actually quoting Spiderman. Spock is trying to correct him but Kirk continues, obliviously thinking Spock is complimenting him; not correcting him. SDMB, nits, minutiae, pedantry is our mission. And that’s taking even longer than we thought. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 5, 2025, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6971 "2025-12-05T14:46:46Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Nah. Kirk is an idiot and believes he’s actually quoting Spiderman. Did you think you had typed ‘Spiderman’ in the first line of your original joke? > [@smithsb](#): > > Kirk: Spock, want to hear my Superman impression, “Up, up, and away!” > Spock: That’s Superman. > Kirk: Thanks, I’ve been practicing it a lot. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=347) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=349)