# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 350
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2025, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6992 "2025-12-09T00:14:33Z")
**When life gives you lemons…** Squeeze them into the eyes of your enemies. 🍋 ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2025, 12:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6993 "2025-12-09T12:58:57Z")
Another glaring example, as was much discussed in the ’ [Goon, you’re free!](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/goon-youre-free/1025240)’ thread, of the importance of proper kerning. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2025, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6994 "2025-12-09T14:00:56Z")
Breaking news: Robert F. Kennedy, Jr. has just been awarded the FIFA Prize in Medicine. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2025, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6995 "2025-12-09T22:25:25Z")
Our family won’t be playing charades this Christmas after Grandma made us guess Basic Instinct last year. ---
**Author:** ![Spice\_Weasel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spice_weasel/32/5435_2.png) [@Spice\_Weasel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spice_Weasel)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2025, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6996 "2025-12-09T22:28:13Z")
In honor of my late friend Stewart, the last joke he sent before he died: A guy decides to get married. — Well, Dad, I’ve decided! I’m gonna get married. — Who’re you gonna marry, son? — Lisa, Mike’s daughter. — Oh, don’t marry her, son, you know… Ah, fine! I’ll admit it — I sinned in my youth — long story short, she’s your sister. — Well then, maybe I’ll marry Emily, the neighbor girl… — No, son, I messed up back in the day… she’s your sister too. — Then how about Mandy from the next block… — Don’t take her either. Same story — she’s also your sister. At this point Mom can’t take it anymore and yells from the kitchen: — Don’t listen to that idiot! Marry whoever you want — he’s not your father anyway! ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2025, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6997 "2025-12-09T23:05:23Z")
> [@Spice\_Weasel](#): > > — Don’t listen to that idiot! Marry whoever you want — he’s not your father anyway! An instructive tale, as also rendered here: ![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/jbfsFTZFIWY/maxresdefault.jpg)https://www.youtube.com/embed/jbfsFTZFIWY?feature=oembed&wmode=opaque&list=RDjbfsFTZFIWY ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6998 "2025-12-10T00:31:01Z")
I like this version better: [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/py99y2bZyQg/maxresdefault.jpg "Johnny Be Fair") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=py99y2bZyQg) ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6999 "2025-12-10T02:05:17Z")
That’s the one I thought of too! ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7000 "2025-12-10T14:03:36Z")
Why wouldn’t the barmaid serve Shakespeare? He was Bard! ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7001 "2025-12-10T14:15:33Z")
If he was banned from the bar, wouldn’t he be dis-Bard? 😏 ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7002 "2025-12-10T14:18:06Z")
After they let him back in, he was re-Bard. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7003 "2025-12-10T14:32:56Z")
He couldn’t buy his cosmetics at home either, he was Bard of Avon. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7004 "2025-12-10T14:38:44Z")
Can we please stop with all the bad Shakespeare puns? Y’all are really going overbard. mmm ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7005 "2025-12-10T14:52:43Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Can we please stop with all the bad Shakespeare puns? As you like it. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7006 "2025-12-10T15:04:14Z")
There has been a tempest of Shakespeare quotations. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7007 "2025-12-10T15:54:31Z")
You’re making much ado about nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7008 "2025-12-10T16:19:55Z")
Is that forbidden on your planet? ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7009 "2025-12-10T16:33:07Z")
I was going to make a joke about sonnets. But that would be going from bard to verse. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7010 "2025-12-10T16:40:08Z")
OK, I iambic time sick and tired of these Shakespeare puns! ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2025, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7011 "2025-12-10T16:41:52Z")
I too am Lear-y of them. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=349) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=351)