# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 354
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 21, 2025, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7072 "2025-12-21T23:59:50Z")
### A hideous demon, covered entirely in bells entered the chamber, “Alas,” cried Gandalf, “that is the very thing I feared the most since entering into Moria.” The demon advanced, its bells chiming discordantly. “That’s the jingle bell,” muttered Gandalf. Another step. “That’s the jingle bell.” Another step. “That’s the jingle Balrog!” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 1:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7073 "2025-12-22T01:07:18Z")
At least it didn’t have “Villanova” carved in cruel runes on its chest. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7074 "2025-12-22T03:20:38Z")
This morning, I coughed up a pawn, a bishop, and a rook. I must have a chess infection. It was a rough knight. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 4:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7075 "2025-12-22T04:38:01Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > At least it didn’t have “Villanova” carved in cruel runes on its chest. Was that a “Bored of the Rings” reference? With the Ballhog? If so, well done! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7076 "2025-12-22T12:56:34Z")
_dribble dribble dribble shoot_ ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 1:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7077 "2025-12-22T13:00:52Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > This morning, I coughed up a pawn, a bishop, and a rook. I must have a chess infection. > > It was a rough knight. I think I had the same virus, but I was just a little horse. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7078 "2025-12-22T13:52:50Z")
The ‘good ole days’! [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/d57edcff-d2c0-49ca-ade6-58dfc23c3054) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/d57edcff-d2c0-49ca-ade6-58dfc23c3054) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7079 "2025-12-22T17:00:33Z")
### What is red and white and blue all at the same time? A sad candy cane. * * * ### After the Wise Men gave their gifts of gold and frankincense, Mary and Joseph started to thank them, but the third one spoke up, saying: “But wait, there’s myrrh!!” * * * ### I say, I say, what do you get if you deep-fry Santa Claus? Crisp Cringle. * * * ### What happened when the Grinch took Viagra? He grew three sizes that day. * * * ### How did Rudolph do in school? He went down in History. ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7080 "2025-12-22T18:02:33Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What is red and white and blue all at the same time? > > A sad candy cane. That made me remember a similar joke: What’s black and white and blue all over? A sad zebra. Or skunk. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 8:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7081 "2025-12-22T20:35:51Z")
**What’s black and white and red all over, and has trouble going through a revolving door?** A nun. With a spear through her head. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2025, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7082 "2025-12-22T21:33:33Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/4833f6f3-4487-42b5-8330-fd76ac2ff796) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/4833f6f3-4487-42b5-8330-fd76ac2ff796) ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7083 "2025-12-23T00:28:43Z")
**Christmas Dad Joke!!!** I started using [this background](https://wallpapers.com/images/hd/christmas-teams-background-dwymmfb714gccppp.jpg) in my Teams meetings today. I liked the challenge of staying centered on the chair, but I noticed that when I leaned back I looked tiny compared to the chair and huge when I leaned forward. So, after pointing this out to my coworkers … (leaning back) We didn’t think much of Greg when we first met him … (leaning forward) … but then he grew on us! A general groaning ensued. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [December 23, 2025, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7084 "2025-12-23T03:07:08Z")
Santa has started doing fast food deliveries as a sideline. He calls it DeerDash. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2025, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7085 "2025-12-24T17:01:00Z")
### Why is it so easy to track Santa on Christmas Eve? Because he always accepts cookies. * * * ### A young girl is praying before bed on Christmas Eve… “Dear God, please help me with my dyslexia, Mom and Dad had to help me with my list to santa. I almost asked Satan for my first bar. I was so embarrassed. Also, please be with those poorer and less fortunate than us. Amen” And God said to the little girl, “Woof!” * * * ### I’ll never forget the Christmas Eve my father went to jail. It didn’t take long before he got violent, abusive, screaming and thrashing around, smearing feces on the walls… I’ll never play Monopoly with him again. * * * ### Red-nosed Rudolph was hit by a 747 and a flock of seagulls on Christmas Eve during a gift delivery over Barcelona: The reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane. * * * ### Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar… Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar on Christmas Eve. Bernie Sanders says “Hello, can I have a drink?” and gets a drink. Donald Trump walks up to the bartender and says “Merry Christmas, can I have a drink? By the way, bartender, you are extremely ugly. I f\*\*\*ing hate you. You’re also bald. I hope that you die soon. When I become president I will make sure to deport ugly and bald people like you.” The entire bar looks in shock. A news reporter, there at that time, says to a patron of the bar, who originated from the South, “What do you think of this?”. The patron replies “Absolutely f\*\*\*ing disgusting - Bernie Sanders didn’t say Merry Christmas!” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2025, 6:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7086 "2025-12-24T18:42:39Z")
Seems the pyramids are much older than we thought. [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/21e4a99c-6fe5-4efb-8163-a98345824e24) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/21e4a99c-6fe5-4efb-8163-a98345824e24) ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [December 24, 2025, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7087 "2025-12-24T21:35:37Z")
[![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/dUHQCf4.jpeg "imgur.com") ](https://imgur.com/dUHQCf4) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2025, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7088 "2025-12-26T19:02:00Z")
### Do you know why snipers close one eye when they shoot? If they closed both eyes they couldn’t see. * * * ### Have you heard my cherry joke? It’s pitiful. * * * ### Son: | was awarded the Leslie Nielsen badge at school. Me: What’s that? Son: A big building with lots of kids. * * * ### Did you hear they’re remaking The Princess Bride with an all-potato cast? “Hello, my name is Idaho Montoya. You peeled my father. Prepare to fry.” * * * ### My girlfriend is angry with me for incorrectly quoting the Princess Bride Unbelievable! ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2025, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7089 "2025-12-26T22:46:44Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Did you hear they’re remaking The Princess Bride with an all-potato cast? > > “Hello, my name is Idaho Montoya. You peeled my father. Prepare to fry.” Your jokes usually have me Yukon it up, but this one was kind of half-baked. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2025, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7090 "2025-12-27T00:42:21Z")
I guess i made a hash of it. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [December 27, 2025, 1:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7091 "2025-12-27T01:20:49Z")
(puts on holocaust cloak) I YAM THE DREAD PIRATE ROBERTS. THERE WILL BE NO SURVIVORS. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=353) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=355)