# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 36
**Author:** ![Bonum\_Legatum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bonum_legatum/32/6183_2.png) [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2021, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/711 "2021-09-14T18:56:19Z")
And the young comedian yells out 92-1/2. Everyone cracks up. The old comedian says “I see you put a new ending on that one.” That joke was so old it was numbered XVIII. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2021, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/712 "2021-09-14T19:20:29Z")
> [@Folacin](#): > > > [@Precambrianmollusc](#): > > > > These puns are a sin > > of the apocalypse? Apoc-ellipse? ---
**Author:** ![gkster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gkster/32/14107_2.png) [@gkster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gkster)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2021, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/713 "2021-09-14T19:34:12Z")
> [@CookingWithGas](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > ### Why was sin lying on top of cos at the beach? > > > > They were tanning. > > Hey, wait a sec! Easy as falling off a log? ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2021, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/714 "2021-09-14T20:42:48Z")
It only took me a secant. ---
**Author:** ![Melbourne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5e925/32.png) [@Melbourne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melbourne)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2021, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/715 "2021-09-14T22:26:23Z")
> [@K364](#): > > The way I heard the joke: The way I heard the joke: 32 ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2021, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/716 "2021-09-15T10:09:10Z")
> [@Melbourne](#): > > The way I heard the joke: > > 32 Ha!!! (I mean that both in the direct, plain sense of “that was funny,” and in the silly, continuing-with-the-premise sense of “joke 32 is indeed a funnier version”). ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2021, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/717 "2021-09-15T11:38:10Z")
My geometry teacher was sometimes acute, and sometimes obtuse, but always, he was right. My girlfriend is like the square root of -100. A solid ten but also imaginary. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2021, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/718 "2021-09-15T15:39:02Z")
> [@solost](#): > > A young comedian is making the rounds of comedy clubs. After the show one night the more experienced comedians are sitting around a large table drinking. One yells out “21!” Which gets a pretty good laugh from the other comedians. Another yells out “35!” which gets a polite chuckle. Then a third comedian yells “47!” which gets huge, non-stop laughter from all the other comedians. > > After the laughter finally dies down, the young comedian asks an older comedian who kind of mentors him what the deal is with the numbers and the laughing. > > “Well see, these guys have been telling each other the same jokes for years. Someone finally got the idea to just assign numbers to the jokes to save time”. > > So a couple weeks later the young comedian has a pretty good set and the more experienced comedians invite him to the big boys’ table to hang out and tell jokes. One yells “19!” and gets a good laugh. Another yells “82!” which gets a chuckle. > > Seeing his opening, the youngster yells out “47!” aaaaand…nothing. Not a single laugh. Crickets. > > Embarrassed, he asks his comedy mentor why #47 failed, since it killed the last time. > > “Kid…it’s all in the delivery.” Then the comedian yells out “57!” and someone else says, “Too soon, dude. Too soon.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 15, 2021, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/719 "2021-09-15T17:26:53Z")
_**[And a reminder that Sunday, 9-19, is National Talk Like A Pirate Day]**_ ### Apparently someone in London is stabbed every 58 seconds. Poor bastard. * * * ### I was recently invited to try skydiving without a parachute. It sounds like a once in a lifetime opportunity. * * * ### What do _The Sixth Sense_ and _Titanic_ have in common? Icy dead people ---
**Author:** ![Bonum\_Legatum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bonum_legatum/32/6183_2.png) [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2021, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/720 "2021-09-16T10:59:20Z")
A cowboy is reviewing his medical history with his doctor, and the Doctor says, “You put on this form, No accidents”. Didn’t I treat you for the time that horse kicked you and broke several ribs? And another time when you were bit by a rattlesnake?" The cowboy replies, “Heck Doc, them warn’t no accidents. They done it on purpose.” ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2021, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/721 "2021-09-16T11:41:30Z")
Not many people know this, but “t shirt” is short for “tyrannosaurus shirt”. You know, because of the short arms. ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [September 16, 2021, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/722 "2021-09-16T16:50:36Z")
What does C.S.Lewis keep hidden in his wardrobe? Narnia business (Works better when told by an English professor with a heavy Yorkshire accent) ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2021, 1:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/723 "2021-09-17T01:52:42Z")
Linda Lovelace’s dentist says she has the best teeth he’s ever come across. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2021, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/724 "2021-09-17T16:24:47Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > My girlfriend is like the square root of -100. > A solid ten but also imaginary. This is so true it’s funny. Uh, wait a minute… ---
**Author:** ![Bonum\_Legatum](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bonum_legatum/32/6183_2.png) [@Bonum\_Legatum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bonum_Legatum)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2021, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/725 "2021-09-19T11:59:01Z")
Story from the help desk at the state’s Department of Natural Resources - pre Internet days. (phone rings) “Hello, this is the Department of Natural Resources, how may I help you?” “My husband just went hunting with his buddies and brought home a deer. It’s hanging in the garage and he has no idea how to go about cutting it up for venison.” (Department employee goes through a quick lesson on butchering a deer.) “And remember to do this quickly or the fecal material will contaminate the meat.” (Caller thanks him and hangs up.) (Phone rings again.) “I just called a few minutes ago. What is fecal material.” “Deer turds.” (Caller thanks him again and hangs up.) (Phone rings again.) “This is the lady again. My husband sawed the antlers off and set them on the floor. Then he started cutting up the deer, slipped on the blood, and sat down on the antlers. Now he’s in the hospital getting his butt stitched up. What should I do?” (The Department of Natural Resources employee bites his tongue.) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2021, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/726 "2021-09-19T16:44:14Z")
All right, maties! It be Talk Like A Pirate Day! Aaarrr! [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/LT5nbFE0tA4/maxresdefault.jpg "Talk Like A Pirate Day") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LT5nbFE0tA4) Or, if you prefer, It be Talk Like Robert Newton Day! [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/-Ni6QILslus/hqdefault.jpg "Talk Like Robert Newton Day") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Ni6QILslus) ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [September 19, 2021, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/727 "2021-09-19T17:44:54Z")
What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday? Aye matey! Where do pirates buy their hooks? The second hand store How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buck an ear. What happened to the crews when the red pirate ship fought with the purple pirate ship? They got marooned. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2021, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/728 "2021-09-21T22:33:38Z")
### I sent my hearing aids in for repairs three weeks ago I haven’t heard anything since. * * * ### If you’re ever feeling down… Just remember, you’re closer to being a millionaire than Jeff Bezos is! * * * ### A pizza walks by two pancakes Pancake: " Look at that tart with all that make-up!" ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2021, 12:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/729 "2021-09-22T12:50:01Z")
I know I missed ‘Talk like a Pirate’ day, but I just thought of a pirate joke I made up all by myself: Did the pirate wife cry when she divorced her pirate husband? No, she just shed a private tear. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2021, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/730 "2021-09-22T13:53:16Z")
Why did she divorce him? [Well…](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BR6_1KtAyNc) (Audio sort of NSFW but still worth a listen) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=35) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=37)