# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 363
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7252 "2026-02-02T16:25:14Z")
### I can’t believe the movie _Groundhog Day_ came out in 1993… Feels like it was just yesterday. * * * ### The job ad said, “We’re looking for someone who can really push the envelope.” So now I’m a mailman. * * * ### Knock Knock Who’s there? Iona. Iona who? Iona doorbell, ever thought of getting one yourself? * * * ### I saw a 90-year old hip-hop artist last night. His name is Busta Hip. * * * ## Trevor Noah, last night: “The last time Lauryn Hill performed at the Grammys was in 1999 — back in 1999 the president had a sex scandal, people thought computers were going to destroy the world, and Diddy was arrested.” “Boy how times have changed!” ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 5:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7253 "2026-02-02T17:09:03Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > people thought computers were going to destroy the world People have always thought computers were going to destroy the world. This is true even of the times before computers were first built. Long before then, people could imagine how they could be built and were afraid of them: > **[Existential risk from artificial intelligence](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existential_risk_from_artificial_intelligence)** > > Existential risk from artificial intelligence, or AI x-risk, refers to the idea that substantial progress in artificial general intelligence (AGI) could lead to human extinction or an irreversible global catastrophe. > One argument for the validity of this concern and the importance of this risk references how human beings dominate other species because the human brain possesses distinctive capabilities other animals lack. If AI were to surpass human intelligence and become superintelligent, it ... ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2026, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7254 "2026-02-02T18:53:01Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/71f4eb52-d203-44cb-a7cc-25177ecdb6dd) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/71f4eb52-d203-44cb-a7cc-25177ecdb6dd) Disclaimer…May have been AI generated​😁 ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2026, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7255 "2026-02-03T21:01:03Z")
Papa mole and Mama mole are nosing out of their burrow with Baby mole close behind. Papa: Mmmm. I smell honey. Mama: That’s maple, dear. Papa: No, I’m quite sure it’s honey. Mama: Ma-a-aple. Baby: All I smell is molasses. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2026, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7256 "2026-02-04T19:50:12Z")
### Honey, I just bought these special Olympic style condoms! Wife- “Olympic style condoms, what makes them so speical?” Husband- “They come in 3 colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze.” Wife- “Oo, sweet. What color are you gonna wear tonight?” Husband- “Gold, of course!” > Wife- “Why don’t you wear silver, It would be nice If you came second for a change.” * * * ### Last year I bought my wife a new broom for Valentine’s Day. She was so mad she wouldn’t even take it for a ride! * * * Wife: -“Hey honey, does this dress make me look fat?” Husband: -" You promise if I tell you the truth you wont get mad?" Wife: -“Yes. I promise” Husband: -“I slept with your sister.” * * * ### I just found out Canada isn’t real. Turns out it was all maple leaf. * * * ### You know what they say about family - blood is thicker than water. But maple syrup is thicker than blood, so technically pancakes are more important than family. * * * ### What do you get when you have Avogadro’s number of donkeys? Molasses. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2026, 9:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7257 "2026-02-04T21:00:55Z")
[![](https://i.ibb.co/LddNpChf/Onion.jpg) ](https://i.ibb.co/LddNpChf/Onion.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2026, 10:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7258 "2026-02-04T22:53:58Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What do you get when you have Avogadro’s number of donkeys? > > Molasses. Sadly, I don’t get that one. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2026, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7259 "2026-02-04T22:55:37Z")
(a) Mole (of) asses ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 4, 2026, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7260 "2026-02-04T22:56:51Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Sadly, I don’t get that one. > **[Mole (unit)](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mole_(unit))** > > The mole (symbol mol) is a unit of measurement, the base unit in the International System of Units (SI) for amount of substance, an SI base quantity proportional to the number of elementary entities of a substance. One mole is an aggregate of exactly 6.02214076×1023 elementary entities (approximately 602 sextillion or 602 billion times a trillion), which can be atoms, molecules, ions, ion pairs, or other particles. The number of particles in a mole is the Avogadro number (symbol N0) and the numer... > One mole is an aggregate of exactly 6.02214076×1023elementary entities (approximately 602 [sextillion](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sextillion "Sextillion") or 602 billion times a trillion), which can be [atoms](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atom "Atom"), [molecules](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Molecule "Molecule"), [ions](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ion "Ion"), [ion pairs](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ion_pair "Ion pair"), or other [particles](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Particle "Particle"). The number of particles in a mole is the **Avogadro number** (symbol _N_0) and the numerical value of the _[Avogadro constant](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avogadro_constant "Avogadro constant")_ (symbol _N_A) has units of **mol−1**.[[1]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mole_(unit)#cite_note-SI9-1) ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2026, 2:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7261 "2026-02-05T02:01:24Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I just found out Canada isn’t real. > > Turns out it was all maple leaf. Ever since I moved to Canada, I have been calling the Toronto (former) hockey arena the Make Believe Gardens. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2026, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7262 "2026-02-05T03:24:09Z")
Thank you. I should have gotten that. ---
**Author:** ![SailorHG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SailorHG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SailorHG)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2026, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7263 "2026-02-05T08:25:38Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > “They come in 3 colors, Gold, Silver and Bronze.” So you’d use Bronze for a three-some? ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 1:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7264 "2026-02-06T01:46:25Z")
A man walks into a bar, and asks for a Planters Punch. The bartender tells him he has to get in line. But there was no punch line. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7265 "2026-02-06T02:33:12Z")
> [@More Jokes](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/739): > > Stallone: I’m making a movie about composers. I’m playing Vivaldi. VanDamme: I’ll be Mozart. Schwarzenegger: Stop it guys I’m not saying it. Guy walks into a bar and orders a fruit punch. Bartender says “Pal, if you want a punch you’ll have to stand in line” Guy looks around, but there is no punch line. I got kidnapped by a group of mimes They did unspeakable things to me. > [@More Jokes](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/6214): > > The Virgin Karen in Bethlehem: “No room at the inn? I demand to see your manger!” – A man walks into a party and goes to get a drink. There’s a long queue for beer and wine but he sees an unattended bowl of fruit drink and scoops himself a cupful. ---
**Author:** ![fedman1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@fedman1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fedman1)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 3:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7266 "2026-02-06T03:35:59Z")
i treated my date like royalty–I took her to Burger King and Dairy Queen I’ll leave now ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7267 "2026-02-06T03:51:20Z")
Does she like Vietnamese food? You could take her to Pho King. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2026, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7268 "2026-02-06T15:53:30Z")
### Why is Trump excited Russia was banned from the Winter Olympics? It makes it easier to decide who to cheer for. * * * ### The Winter Olympics. Letting white people win at sports no one else can afford to learn. * * * ### The Easter Bunny joined the Olympics. He heard first place gets 24 carrots. * * * ### I say, I say, what do you call a pirate therapist? A private ear. * * * ### Why did the chewing gum cross the road? It was stuck to the chicken’s foot. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2026, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7269 "2026-02-07T16:50:36Z")
### The Olympian gold medalist in cross-country-skiing was being interviewed on TV… And it came up in the interview that, what with training and all, he hadn’t seen his wife for more than a year. The interviewer asked, with a mischievous twinkle in his eye, “So, what’s the first thing you plan to do when you get home, then?” The gold medalist blushed furiously and said “No, no, I can’t answer that on television, that is way too personal! Why don’t you ask me, instead, the second thing I will do when I get home?” “Al lright, fine, what is the second thing you will do when you get home?” And with the same twinkle in his eye, the gold medalist responded, “I will put my skis down.” * * * ### I went skiing for the first time I became a tree hugger. * * * ### Why are the corners of an ice rink round? Because if they were square, they’d be 90 degrees, and the ice would melt. * * * ### I recently took a pole. And found that 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed. * * * ### What was even more useful than the first telephone? The second telephone. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2026, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7270 "2026-02-07T20:09:38Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I went skiing for the first time > > I became a tree hugger. Sorry to hear it, Sonny. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2026, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7271 "2026-02-08T00:30:02Z")
> [@solost](#): > > Sorry to hear it, Sonny. You really felt the need to Cher that? mmm [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=362) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=364)