# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 367
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2026, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7332 "2026-02-23T22:31:39Z")
Mary had a little lamb, A little pork, a little ham, An ice-cream float, some soda fizz, And now how sick our Mary is. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2026, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7333 "2026-02-23T22:41:38Z")
[![](https://preview.redd.it/mary-had-a-little-lamb-v0-av6nfavcliwc1.png?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=1ad3319c4733774bed5362ac5b9883d0b0c7e2f8) ](https://preview.redd.it/mary-had-a-little-lamb-v0-av6nfavcliwc1.png?width=640&crop=smart&auto=webp&s=1ad3319c4733774bed5362ac5b9883d0b0c7e2f8) ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2026, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7334 "2026-02-24T07:50:08Z")
Mary had a little lamb I’m sure you’ve heard before But did you know she passed her plate and asked for a little more? ---
**Author:** ![Author\_Balk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Author\_Balk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Author_Balk)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2026, 12:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7335 "2026-02-24T12:15:16Z")
I’ve cheated on my wife five times. First was Mary, then Susie, then Agnes, then Sally, and finally Joan. My doctor told me I needed to put my affairs in order. (this came to me during a tv show last night) ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2026, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7336 "2026-02-24T12:33:32Z")
Good one. But maybe it should be “third was Mary, most recent was Susie, first was Agnes, fourth was Sally, and second was Joan”. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2026, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7337 "2026-02-24T12:54:47Z")
My wife found out I cheated on her multiple times. It didn’t go well, I’m in the ER and the doc told me to put my affairs in order. So… alphabetical or chronological? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2026, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7338 "2026-02-25T02:04:01Z")
### If Donald Trump talks about “fake news” during his speech tonight.. Does that make it the State of the Onion? * * * ### Sometimes February feels like it will last forever… But time Marches on. * * * ### A soldier in WWII was shot but coins in his pocket stopped the bullet. It was his life savings. * * * ### People are too judgmental nowadays. I can tell just by looking at them. * * * ### Did you hear about the librarian that was killed in an earthquake? She was crushed by a title wave. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 25, 2026, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7339 "2026-02-25T15:58:44Z")
They say there was a secret ooze That turned reptiles into dudes But you were never into turtles, were ya? It’s a cold and it’s a broken “Cowabunga”. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7340 "2026-02-26T01:39:55Z")
### Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walk into a bar. The bartender says: OH SNaP! * * * ### People with photographic memories — Are they born with it or does it take time to develop? * * * ### I’m starting a new job at the guillotine factory. I’ll beheading there tomorrow. * * * ### The Jedi don’t do exercises that target the body, or butt. Cause only a Sith deals with abs or glutes. * * * ### I’m a very fast learner. It only took me 3 months to learn the names of all 32 chess pieces. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7341 "2026-02-26T01:48:46Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Oxygen, hydrogen, sulfur, sodium, and phosphorus walk into a bar. > > The bartender says: OH SNaP! Yeah, that one definitely gets shared. This one has probably already been told, but I couldn’t find it on a cursory search. **The chemical formula for sodium citrate—the secret ingredient that makes cheese sauce smooth—is Na3C6H5O7.** When you remove the numbers, it spells out **NaCHO.** (I tried to use brackets and \<\> to make subscripts, but it didn’t work.) ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7342 "2026-02-26T02:44:48Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### People with photographic memories — > > Are they born with it or does it take time to develop? I have a photographic memory. Unfortunately, I’m so old it seems that it’s no longer possible to get it developed. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7343 "2026-02-26T13:41:40Z")
_Little Johnny took a drink_ _And then he was no more_ _For what he thought was H2O_ _Was H2SO4_ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7344 "2026-02-26T15:13:03Z")
_Little Johnny washed his face_ _His face, we’ll never see_ _For what he thought was H2O_ _Was HNO3_ ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7345 "2026-02-26T16:19:00Z")
**Books I read lately…** “How to write big books “ by Warren Peace . “The Lion Attacks “ by Claude Yarmoff . “The art of archery “ by Beau N. Arrow . “Songs For Children “ by Barbara Blacksheep . “Irish Heart Surgery “ by Angie O’Plasty . “Desert Crossing “ by I. Rhoda Camel . “School Truancy “ by Marcus Absent . “Stop Arguing “ by Xavier Breath . “Post Offices in the Philippines “ by Imelda Letter . “Shhh !!! “ by Danielle Soloud . “I Lost My Balance “ by Eileen Dover and. Phil Down . “I was a. Cloakroom. Attendant “ by Mahatma. Coate . “How to Play a Stringed Instrument” by Amanda Lynn “The Art of the Kiss” by Bessie May Mucho. “How to get out of Chairs” by Stan Dupp. “A History of Nuclear Weapons” by Adam Baum. - ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7346 "2026-02-26T16:50:27Z")
“Professional Drywall Repair” by Phil McCracken. “The Art of Conversation” by Bob Loblaw. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7347 "2026-02-26T18:47:08Z")
Ones I remember from my childhood… “50 Yards to the Outhouse” by Willy Makeit Illustrated by Betty Wont “Yellow River” by I. P. Daily “Beneath the Bleachers” by Seymore Butts ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7348 "2026-02-26T18:59:05Z")
_Under the Grandstand_, by Seymour Butts. > [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](#): > > “50 Yards to the Outhouse” by Willy Makeit > Illustrated by Betty Wont ISTR that Andy Diddent had something to do with that publication. > [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](#): > > “Yellow River” by I. P. Daily Not I.P. Freely? > [@Wallaby](#): > > I have a photographic memory. I have a pornographic memory… ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [February 26, 2026, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7349 "2026-02-26T19:03:58Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > ISTR that Andy Diddent had something to do with that publication. The Afterword? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2026, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7350 "2026-02-27T02:14:37Z")
### What is the highest religious authority among oranges called? The Pulp. * * * ### As an author I was excited about moving into a neighborhood with exclusively author residents… But I’ve come to regret it, now I’m constantly in a writers block. * * * ### Who says sequels don’t work? Look at the fanbase for the New Testament! ### Reviews for Hogwarts Legacy are coming in. Most reviewers are giving it a 9 3/4 depending on the platform.base. * * * ### Did you hear about the author who writes using invisible ink? Here’s a list of his books: ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [February 27, 2026, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7351 "2026-02-27T02:46:15Z")
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