# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 370
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2026, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7392 "2026-03-09T05:40:35Z")
Howl much for? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2026, 7:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7393 "2026-03-09T07:00:02Z")
“Why hasn’t the Tolkien Estate released a Lord of the Rings inspired cookbook called the Simmer-illion yet?” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2026, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7394 "2026-03-09T17:49:50Z")
### My wife keeps having disturbed dreams, shouting things like “Hobbit!”, “Gandalf!”, and “Mordor!”. Always Tolkien in her sleep… * * * ### A brief history of Ancient Greek culture Greece before Alexander the Great: Kinda nistic. Greece after Alexander the Great: Hella nistic. * * * ### A man wants to deposit money at a Swiss bank. “How much do you want to deposit?” asks the bank employee. Whispers the man, “Three million.” “You can speak up,” says the bank clerk. “In Switzerland, poverty is not a disgrace.” * * * ### England has no kidney bank but… It does have a Liverpool. * * * ### The letters I, Z, R and E walked into a bar. The result was bizarre. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 10, 2026, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7395 "2026-03-10T02:13:07Z")
**Did you knock on doors as a kid, and run away before people could answer?** Amazon is hiring. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2026, 9:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7396 "2026-03-11T21:36:28Z")
### On March 10th, 1876, Alexander Graham Bell made the first telephone call. Moments later, he learned his auto warranty had expired. * * * ### They are doing a new sequel to the movie “March of the Penguins” They are calling it “April of the Penguins!” * * * ### Behind every successful man is a woman and behind _her_ is his wife! - Groucho Marx * * * ### New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell They come with an Elon Musk. * * * ### While most puns make me feel numb… …Math puns make me feel number. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2026, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7397 "2026-03-13T15:04:32Z")
Here’s one I thought up in the wee hours of the morning… **A blonde came home from running errands, saw her neighbor and said “I was just in town and saw your husband had gotten into a traffic accident”.** “What happened, was he hurt?” The neighbor nervously asked. The blonde said “he was decapitated”. “Oh my God no, how horrible!” the neighbor starts to cry. “There, there” the blonde says. “It’s not that bad-- other than getting the ball cap knocked clean off his head, he seemed fine”. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2026, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7398 "2026-03-13T15:14:29Z")
### I say, I say, why did the calf walk around its mom? To get to the udder side. * * * ### The Atheist Robot: Nobody built me. I evolved from a vacuum cleaner. * * * ### What I was young, I used to dream of being an astronaut. But my mom said, “The sky’s the limit.” * * * ### A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, you better not be starting something.” * * * ### Did you hear they found a dinosaur in the Epstein Files? It was a pte[redacted]yl. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2026, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7399 "2026-03-13T15:36:20Z")
### What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes? Fat. You get fat. * * * ### f I rated my love for you from 1-10 it’d be pi Because it is both infinite, and not that much. * * * ### My friend decided to get a tattoo of the symbol pi on his face. It was an irrational decision. * * * ### Why should you never talk to Pi? He’ll go on and on forever… * * * ### Pi Day compliment: Wow, you look radian today. * * * Happy Pi Day tomorrow! ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2026, 3:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7400 "2026-03-13T15:41:05Z")
Og, the caveman, is inside the cave poking at the fire. His wife rushes in from outside. “Og! Og! A sabretooth tiger is chasing Mother!” Og continues to poke at the fire. “Aren’t you going to do something?” Og shrugs. “What do I care what happens to a stupid, old tiger?” ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2026, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7401 "2026-03-13T16:19:52Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > What I was young, I used to dream of being an astronaut What what what ?! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2026, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7402 "2026-03-13T16:43:11Z")
Ok, When I was young… ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2026, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7403 "2026-03-13T17:06:53Z")
Who you was young Where you was young Why you was young ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2026, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7404 "2026-03-13T17:07:14Z")
And why is Gamora? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 13, 2026, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7405 "2026-03-13T18:28:03Z")
[The scene.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgGxMLZVjxo&start=68) (Should be cued to 1:08.) I really love Drax. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2026, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7406 "2026-03-14T02:02:06Z")
I see people my age out there zip-lining and mountain climbing and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my legs through my underwear without losing my balance. We’re really out here living the most difficult section of someone’s 2075 history exam. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2026, 3:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7407 "2026-03-14T03:18:46Z")
It’s that Chinese curse come full force. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2026, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7408 "2026-03-14T14:42:38Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes? > > Fat. You get fat. If you eat too much cake, everyone knows that’s the sin of gluttony. But you can eat as much pie as you want, because the sin of pi is nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2026, 3:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7409 "2026-03-14T15:33:45Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > the sin of pi Yes, it says in Genesis, chapter 4, verse 14159265359 . . . that if you go round in a circle, you will commit no evil. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2026, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7410 "2026-03-14T16:16:41Z")
### My Oscars speech I have to thank my arms for always being at my side, my legs for supporting me and my fingers because i could always count on them. * * * ### Just found out that the Oscars is a big fat lie all the way along. Those people they invite to their ceremonies are all paid actors. * * * ### Britain has invented a new missile. It’s called the civil servant - it doesn’t work and it can’t be fired. * * * ### Did you hear about the old intercontinental ballistic missile that couldn’t get hard? He had projectile dysfunction. * * * ### Dark humor is like food in Africa. Not everybody gets it. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 14, 2026, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7411 "2026-03-14T19:59:25Z")
**If I tried to combine the DNA from an opossum, a billy goat, and a manatee…** Would that be a possibility? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=369) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=371)