# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 375
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2026, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7492 "2026-04-01T14:02:29Z")
> [@solost](#): > > “that’s _bomb_, man! That’s really _bomb_!” Which reminds me of a two-panel cartoon I saw in a magazine years ago when I was a kid. In the first panel, a guy is climbing the stairs to board a plane when he sees an acquaintance in the line behind him and yells “Hi, Jack!” In the second panel, he is in handcuffs, being led away by security guards. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2026, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7493 "2026-04-01T14:36:00Z")
I remember er seeing that one, years (decades) ago. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2026, 2:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7494 "2026-04-01T14:42:00Z")
### The studio’s announced that Irish actress Jessie Buckley will be the new 007. April Fool! * * * ### What do you call a social scientist who says sorry to people from disadvantaged cultures? An anthroapologist. * * * ### My Dad’s dying wish was to have his family around him. I can’t help thinking he would have been better off with more oxygen. - Jimmy Carr * * * ### If I had a nickel every time I was confused… I’d be like, where do all these nickels keep coming from? * * * ### No matter how much you push the envelope… It will always be stationery. ---
**Author:** ![Thing.Fish](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thing.fish/32/9168_2.png) [@Thing.Fish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thing.Fish)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2026, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7495 "2026-04-01T16:07:37Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Miskatonic University Eliminated First Round of NCAA Tournament > > Officials cite gross misunderstanding of “March Madness”… They eliminated the entire first round?? ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2026, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7496 "2026-04-01T16:10:12Z")
I had a friend tell me this new restaurant in town makes a mean burger but when I tried it I was very underwhelmed. Then I remembered that my friend is a statistician. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2026, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7497 "2026-04-01T17:08:11Z")
Players kept disappearing into non-Euclidean angles on the court. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2026, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7498 "2026-04-01T20:04:21Z")
True story: Two mathematicians boarding a plane were discussing something called the Killing form (after Wilhelm Killing) that has a real role in the theory of Lie algebras. And they got seriously questioned about it. And can you imagine how Proxmire freaked when he found a research grant in the theory of Lie algebras (Sophus Lie)? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2026, 9:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7499 "2026-04-01T21:37:24Z")
And of course, Poynting vectors have a really redundant name. ---
**Author:** ![billy-jack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@billy-jack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billy-jack)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2026, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7500 "2026-04-02T01:13:48Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I got arrested at the airport last week… > > Apparently, security doesn’t appreciate it when you call “shotgun” before boarding a plane. Don’t name your seeing eye dog “Shotgun”. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2026, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7501 "2026-04-02T02:25:03Z")
> [@billy-jack](#): > > Don’t name your seeing eye dog “Shotgun”. Or “I am hijacking this plane”. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2026, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7502 "2026-04-02T21:41:02Z")
Astronaut 1: I can’t find any milk for my coffee. Astronaut 2: In space, no one can. Here, use cream. We’re whalers on the moon, We carry a harpoon, For they ain’t no whales So we tell tall tales And sing our whaling tune. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2026, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7503 "2026-04-03T18:28:21Z")
### The police investigating the theft of 12 tons of KitKat are exhausted. They need a break. * * * ### What do you get when you cross Jesus with two criminals? Good Friday. * * * ### I’m going to enter a Punster Poetry Contest. I think I stanza good chance. * * * ### M. C. Escher had a very tough childhood… Not only did he have to walk to and from school, but it was uphill both ways. * * * ### I say, I say, what do you call an aquamarine aquatic mammal that expresses genuine enthusiasm for gelatinous foods? A teal seal that feels real zeal for congealed meals. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2026, 8:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7504 "2026-04-04T08:17:28Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/m0l7jxihdoe2co4vckgy) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/m0l7jxihdoe2co4vckgy) ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2026, 9:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7505 "2026-04-04T09:59:47Z")
A city boy cousin at his relative’s farm tried to help out with the milking in the morning, but went to the bull’s enclosure instead of the cow’s. His cousin intended to correct his mistake when he came back, but he only returned at sunset looking exhausted. “That was harder than I thought,” he said; “it took me _all day_ to fill the bucket.” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2026, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7506 "2026-04-04T12:53:14Z")
I think that one works better without the captions. ---
**Author:** ![Folacin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folacin/32/3195_2.png) [@Folacin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folacin)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2026, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7507 "2026-04-04T14:18:27Z")
Definitely didn’t need the second caption, but I think the first one makes the joke. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2026, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7508 "2026-04-06T18:41:34Z")
### Why is World Autism Day after April Fools’ Day? Because it takes longer for them to get the joke. * * * ### I survived a fall without a parachute. I also survived a spring, a summer and a winter. * * * ### Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept. * * * ### Our computers went down at the office today, so we had to do everything manually. It took me fifteen minutes to shuffle the cards for Solitaire. * * * ### Putin has boasted that Russia is planning to build a base on the moon The idea is that astronauts will live there permanently. When they were asked if they really wanted to spend the rest of their lives in a barren, lifeless, empty landscape, the Russians said… “No. That’s why we want to go to the moon.” ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 6, 2026, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7509 "2026-04-06T23:20:41Z")
**Putin has boasted that Russia is planning a manned flight to the Sun.** “Won’t it be too hot”? “No - we’ll be travelling at night.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2026, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7510 "2026-04-08T01:04:35Z")
### I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks. - Steve Martin * * * ### We weren’t very religious. At Hanukkah my mother had our menorah on a dimmer. - Richard Lewis * * * ### I bought myself some glasses. My observational comedy improved. - Sara Pascoe * * * ### Life is like a box of chocolates. It doesn’t last long if you’re fat. - Joe Lycett * * * ### The easiest time to add insult to injury… …is when you’re signing someone’ cast. - Demetri Martin ---
**Author:** ![VanillaHazelnut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/5daacb/32.png) [@VanillaHazelnut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VanillaHazelnut)\ **Post date:** [April 8, 2026, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7511 "2026-04-08T01:27:54Z")
My wealthy friend is dating a guy who works at a bakery. I suspect that he wants to marry her for her money. He just kneads her dough so he can loaf around all day. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=374) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=376)