# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 377
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2026, 9:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7532 "2026-04-10T21:24:01Z")
A psychologist hires a bunch of lawyers to experiment on. A colleague asks him if it wouldn’t be cheaper to use rats. “Well of course it would, but there some things you can’t even get rats to do.” Some people are traveling in a gondola under a hot air balloon and are blown off course by a heavy wind. They come into a valley and see a bunch of picnickers so they drift down and ask, “Where are we?” The answer comes back, “In a balloon.” The picnickers shout back, “How did you know?” The ballooners reply, “Your answer was absolutely correct–and totally useless.” ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2026, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7533 "2026-04-10T21:40:24Z")
I think you skipped part of the balloon story. 📜 ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2026, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7534 "2026-04-10T23:18:57Z")
Yeah, it never really got off the ground. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 10, 2026, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7535 "2026-04-10T23:21:24Z")
Australia’s biggest export is boomerangs. Ironically, it’s also their biggest import. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 5:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7536 "2026-04-11T05:42:25Z")
This is so much funnier – in an absurd, non-sequitur way – with those couple of sentences missing from the middle of the joke. How did you know…you’re in a balloon? Bizarrely funny! ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7537 "2026-04-11T07:49:13Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_67,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/g30genlc2tpk71qyntug) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_67,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/g30genlc2tpk71qyntug) [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_93,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/t8lvgejjnbyzocduu6kb) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_93,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/t8lvgejjnbyzocduu6kb) ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7538 "2026-04-11T12:45:08Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I’m starting up a new restaurant where the featured dish will be curry poured over french fries. > > It’ll be called, “Curry On My Wayward Spud”. > And, yes, there will be peas when you are done. You just earned yourself a long time in the punalty box with that one 😏 ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 12:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7539 "2026-04-11T12:45:51Z")
“No matter how goth you are, Melkar is Morgoth.” ---
**Author:** ![LurkMeister](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3da27b/32.png) [@LurkMeister](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkMeister)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 1:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7540 "2026-04-11T13:38:01Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > A psychologist hires a bunch of lawyers to experiment on. A colleague asks him if it wouldn’t be cheaper to use rats. “Well of course it would, but there some things you can’t even get rats to do.” And besides, who cares what happens to a lawyer? ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7541 "2026-04-11T16:21:20Z")
What’s 6,000 lawyers chained together at the bottom of the sea? A good start. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7542 "2026-04-11T16:33:38Z")
### The best measure of a man’s honesty isn’t his income tax return; it’s the zero adjust on his bathroom scale. * * * ### Why doesn’t Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax? Because he makes so many brilliant deductions. * * * ### What does a subatomic duck say? Quark! * * * ### Gas prices are getting ridiculous: I went online to check the value of my car and it asked if the tank was empty or full. * * * ### What do you call a fish looking for cancer treatment? Finding Chemo. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7543 "2026-04-11T18:37:25Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What does a subatomic duck say? > > Quark! Seagull, actually. ---
**Author:** ![fedman1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@fedman1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fedman1)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7544 "2026-04-11T19:09:44Z")
a nun was asking her class which part of the body goes to heaven first: Amy: the head, cause it’s upraised good! Ken: the hands , cause they’re raised good! Billy: the feet Nun: why the feet? Billy: well, the other day I saw my mother with her feet up in the air screaming “God I’m coming” and if the milkman hadn’t been holding her down, we would have lost her the nun fainted ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7545 "2026-04-11T19:59:23Z")
They say the Irish gave the Scots the bagpipe a thousand years ago, and the Scots never caught on. * * * “What do you get if you cross a Jehovah’s Witness with an atheist?” "Someone who knocks on your door for no reason. " * * * “Why hasn’t Jesus come back?” “He tries, but the Catholics keep eating him!” * * * “Why are kleptomaniacs so troublesome?” "Because they take things literally. " ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7546 "2026-04-11T21:02:01Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_77,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/dz1fchuexnuzoxuwqc7y) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_77,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/dz1fchuexnuzoxuwqc7y) ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2026, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7547 "2026-04-11T21:04:24Z")
[![](https://cathleentownsend.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/apostrophe-intelligence.jpg?w=640) ](https://cathleentownsend.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/apostrophe-intelligence.jpg?w=640) ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2026, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7548 "2026-04-12T02:24:30Z")
Yes I did miss part of the story. The ballooners, shout: “You must be mathematicians.” Then the picnickers ask “How did you know?” ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2026, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7549 "2026-04-12T04:07:31Z")
I heard it as: “This must be Redmond, Washington.” (the location of the headquarters of Microsoft) The first time I heard it, it mentioned Microsoft headquarters specifically. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2026, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7550 "2026-04-12T06:14:46Z")
> [@Hari\_Seldon](#): > > Yes I did miss part of the story. The ballooners, shout: “You must be mathematicians.” Then the picnickers ask “How did you know?” The one I heard was a guy on the ground raking leaves, “You’re in a balloon.” “You must be an engineer. What you’ve told me is totally true and 100% useless.” “Well, you must be in management. You don’t know where you are, where you want to go, or how to get there but it’s now all my fault.” ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2026, 8:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7551 "2026-04-12T08:03:03Z")
> [@DesertDog](#): > > The one I heard was a guy on the ground raking leaves, > > “You’re in a balloon.” > > “You must be an engineer. What you’ve told me is totally true and 100% useless.” > > “Well, you must be in management. You don’t know where you are, where you want to go, or how to get there but it’s now all my fault.” A longer version I have: > A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” > > The woman below replied, “You’re in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You’re between 59 and 60 degrees north latitude and between 107 and 108 degrees west longitude.” > > “You must be an engineer,” said the balloonist. > > “I am,” replied the woman, “How did you know?” > > “Well,” answered the balloonist, “everything you told me is technically correct, but I’ve no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I’m still lost. Frankly, you’ve not been much help at all. If anything, you’ve delayed my trip.” > > The woman below responded, “You must be in Management.” > > “I am,” replied the balloonist, “but how did you know?” > > “Well,” said the woman, “you don’t know where you are or where you’re going. You have risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep, and you expect people beneath you to solve your problems. The fact is you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it’s my fault.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=376) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=378)