# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 378
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [April 12, 2026, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7552 "2026-04-12T20:07:01Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/kqva8plf38flfvytmdg7) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/kqva8plf38flfvytmdg7) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2026, 4:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7553 "2026-04-13T04:10:24Z")
Me, " My father invented the cold air balloon." Friend," What?" Me, “It never took off.” Instructor. “Welcome to salsa class. Who’s ready to dance?” Me, hiding tortilla chips; “There’s been a misunderstanding.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2026, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7554 "2026-04-13T17:28:03Z")
### I won first place in the muscle losing contest! But all I got was atrophy. * * * ### I say, I say, Henry, why on earth did you decide to become a proctologist? Let’s just say I saw an opening. * * * ### Why did the condom fly through the air? Because it was pissed off. * * * ### CLASSICS CORNER Why did the farmer buy a brown cow? He wanted chocolate milk. * * * ### My son just turned 13 so I thought it was a good time to tell him about the birds and the bees. He thought it was a good time to tell my about my wife and the FedEx driver. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2026, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7555 "2026-04-13T19:05:12Z")
Bill Engvall said when he tried to give The Talk to his twelve-year old son he wound up taking notes. “Uh, huh. Uh, huh. They’ll let you _do_ that?” ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2026, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7556 "2026-04-14T13:18:31Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I say, I say, Henry, why on earth did you decide to become a proctologist? > > Let’s just say I saw an opening. That career gives the concept of ‘starting at the bottom, and working your way up’ a whole new meaning. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2026, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7557 "2026-04-14T16:15:39Z")
My favorite GI doctor (“proctologist” is an outdated term) had a favorite expression: “It may be shit to you, but it’s bread and butter to me”. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2026, 8:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7558 "2026-04-14T20:30:01Z")
This week Trump committed blasphememe. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2026, 9:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7559 "2026-04-14T21:04:38Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > Seagull, actually. Why does that make it better/funnier? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2026, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7560 "2026-04-14T21:19:42Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > This week Trump committed blasphememe. Okay, you just won the thread! ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2026, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7561 "2026-04-14T21:34:27Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > “It may be shit to you, but it’s bread and butter to me”. This is also the motto of sewage treatment plant operators. It is sometimes translated to Latin for humorous coats of arms. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2026, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7562 "2026-04-15T01:40:33Z")
Quarks, the subatomic particles, were actually named after the sound that seagulls make, as inspired by the writings of James Joyce. Murray Gell-Mann was a very odd individual. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2026, 1:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7563 "2026-04-15T01:40:57Z")
I asked the librarian for a book about Pavlov’s Dog and Schrodinger’s cat. She said it rang a bell, but she didn’t know if it was there or not. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2026, 9:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7564 "2026-04-15T09:19:35Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I say, I say, Henry, why on earth did you decide to become a proctologist? > > Let’s just say I saw an opening. But he was _this close_ \< holds forefinger and thumb an inch apart \> to becoming a gynecologist. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2026, 12:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7565 "2026-04-15T12:01:53Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > But he was _this close_ \< holds forefinger and thumb an inch apart \> to becoming a gynecologist. T’aint that big a difference. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2026, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7566 "2026-04-15T16:42:44Z")
### Q. Why is quantum mechanics the original “original hipster”? A. It described the universe before it was cool. * * * ### There’s a new theory out about inertia… …but it doesn’t seem to be gaining in monumentum. * * * ### Two kittens are on a roof, which one falls off first? The one with the smallest μ. * * * ### IKEA has been accused of evading over $500 million in taxes. Apparently, prosecutors have been after them for years… …but they’re having a really hard time putting their case together. * * * ### I was recently accused of committing tax fraud, but I can’t think why! I don’t even pay taxes. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2026, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7567 "2026-04-16T19:35:04Z")
### Why does Spider-Man hate driving with his evil twin? Because he’s a bad parallel Parker. * * * ### Have you heard the latest joke about statisticians? Probably. * * * ### My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I didn’t know they actually worked. * * * ### Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. His lectures are ribbiting. * * * ### What’s the worst part about being a solipsist? Being the only person who gets your jokes. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2026, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7568 "2026-04-17T01:47:52Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. > > His lectures are ribbiting. He absolutely totally seriously has an honorary doctorate (in Amphibian Letters), awarded when he delivered the commencement speech at Southampton College. And, when I just looked that up, apparently he did it again, at the University of Maryland, just last year. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2026, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7569 "2026-04-18T15:45:23Z")
### Got caught behind a garbage truck this morning. . . Made me wonder. Do you have to have any special training to be a garbage man, or do you just pick it up along the way? * * * ### What did the kidney say to the kidney stone? Urine my way. * * * ### I say, I say, what has five toes but isn’t your foot? My foot. * * * ### Why don’t football players wear glasses? It’s a contact sport. * * * ### A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says “You’ve been brought here for drinking.” The drunk says "Okay, let’s get started. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2026, 4:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7570 "2026-04-18T16:29:39Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > ### Kermit the Frog decided to become a college professor. > > > > His lectures are ribbiting. > > He absolutely totally seriously has an honorary doctorate (in Amphibian Letters), awarded when he delivered the commencement speech at Southampton College. > > And, when I just looked that up, apparently he did it again, at the University of Maryland, just last year. Kermit tried to get a PhD in Ecological Science and Environmental Studies, but he found out it’s not easy being green. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2026, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7571 "2026-04-18T20:22:41Z")
♫ _Well I’m in love with a big blue frog, A big blue frog loves me. He’s not as bad as he appears, He’s got rhythm and a PhD._ ♫ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=377) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=379)