# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 380
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7592 "2026-04-27T12:19:31Z")
I’m really irritated with my wife, she keeps leaving coffee dregs in the bottom of the carafe. I think that’s grounds for divorce. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7593 "2026-04-27T15:05:05Z")
### You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You do need a parachute to go skydiving twice. * * * ### Son: Dad, did you get the DNA test results back? Dad: Call me George. * * * ### My girlfriend’s dog died, so I bought her another, identical one. She screamed at me: “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?” * * * ### I made a website for orphans. It doesn’t have a home page. * * * ### What do you call it when you stab a Snickers at Midnight A Snackrifice. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7594 "2026-04-27T15:15:14Z")
I said to my young son “_of course_ this separation isn’t your fault! Sometimes, even when two people love each other very much, it still doesn’t work out, and we have to go our separate ways. It’s nobody’s fault. You’ll understand when you’re older”. As I drove away, looking at his sad, tear-stained face in my rear view mirror while he stood on the front porch of the orphanage, I hoped what I said made him feel a little better. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7595 "2026-04-27T17:33:19Z")
A teenage weasel walks into a bar and orders a beer. “You look very young”, says the bartender, “I can’t serve you beer.” “Fine. Well what else do you have?” “I have bottled water, coffee, and pop. Which would you like?” “Pop” Goes the weasel. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7596 "2026-04-27T17:40:30Z")
You mean, a teenage _Midwestern-except-within-200-miles of-Milwaukee-or-St-Louis_ weasel walks into a bar and orders a beer. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7597 "2026-04-27T17:54:03Z")
Could be a Canadian weasel. (Also, wouldn’t a teenaged weasel be geriatric? How long do weasels live?) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7598 "2026-04-27T19:13:45Z")
What kind of weasel? Human or Animal? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7599 "2026-04-27T19:26:07Z")
> [@JKellyMap](#): > > You mean, a teenage _Midwestern-except-within-200-miles of-Milwaukee-or-St-Louis_ weasel walks into a bar and orders a beer. 😉 “Soda goes the weasel” doesn’t quite work. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7600 "2026-04-27T20:12:59Z")
A teenaged weasel is partying hard. Harder than is probably good for him, but you only get one life, right? He and his sleazy friends are planning the evening. “I got some contacts at the club. What you want to do tonight, Weaz? Heroin, ketamine, ecstasy?” “Coke,” goes the weasel, remembering that time he’d done PCP at the abandoned shoe store, and all around the cobbler’s bench the monkey dust chased the weasel.\* . . . \*This would work better if I had any idea how any of these things worked. I looked up “monkey” in drug slang, but maybe I should have left it at “Coke” goes the weasel. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2026, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7601 "2026-04-27T23:49:52Z")
How do you tell one member of the _Mustelidae_ family from another? Some are weaselly distinguishable, whereas others are stoatally different. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2026, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7602 "2026-04-28T10:44:28Z")
You’re really ermine my respect with that _Mustelidae_ pun. Others may disagree, but I think you otter continue with the pun creation. ---
**Author:** ![SailorHG](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecae2f/32.png) [@SailorHG](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SailorHG)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2026, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7603 "2026-04-28T11:19:52Z")
You both deserve a badger of honour! 🥇 ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2026, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7604 "2026-04-28T11:26:56Z")
> [@Dr.Drake](#): > > Could be a Canadian weasel. Could not. No Canadian weasel would order “a beer”. It would order a “Molson Ex” or a Caesar! ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2026, 12:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7605 "2026-04-28T12:57:34Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > Could not. No Canadian weasel would order “a beer”. It would order a “Molson Ex” or a Caesar! Speaking of Molson Export and smallish mammals, I miss the old Molson Export logo-- turn the bottle on its side and it’s an armadillo! [![](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/z9wAAOSwIRtnYnXf/s-l400.png) ](https://i.ebayimg.com/images/g/z9wAAOSwIRtnYnXf/s-l400.png) ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2026, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7606 "2026-04-29T00:44:10Z")
> [@solost](#): > > You’re really ermine my respect with that _Mustelidae_ pun. > > Others may disagree, but I think you otter continue with the pun creation. I tried to ferret out more, but I mustelid your request I’m afraid. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2026, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7607 "2026-04-29T01:11:55Z")
Badgers? We don’t need no steenking badgers! ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2026, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7608 "2026-04-29T11:01:19Z")
I called the local animal control when I found two badgers on the side of the road next to a suitcase. The worker asked, “are they moving?” “I think so”, I said, “that would explain the suitcase.” ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2026, 11:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7609 "2026-04-29T11:24:17Z")
Those short squat beer bottles were an ill-conceived abomination that I think only briefly existed in Canada, and survived only a few years. The idea was supposed to be that they fit more easily in a fridge, but everybody hated them. Incidentally, that triangle-shaped notch at the bottom of the label is not a defect – it’s a Super Sekret code indicating the date of manufacture. IIRC, the notches go around the label like a clock face. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2026, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7610 "2026-04-29T18:36:55Z")
> [@wolfpup](#): > > everybody hated them. Why? Why? (Duplicate for Discord sake, not because I care _that_ badly.) ---
**Author:** ![wolfpup](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpup/32/10618_2.png) [@wolfpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfpup)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2026, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7611 "2026-04-29T18:49:01Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Why? Why? I’m probably over-generalizing, but I can think of two reasons that the squat bottles were short-lived. One is that those who liked to guzzle beer directly out of the bottle (that was never me – I loved me my beer mugs with a nice head of foam) found it unfamiliar and harder to drink out of than the slim bottles. The other reason is that if you had enough clearance on one of your fridge shelves for the regular bottles (as dedicated beer drinkers always did) the wider squat ones took up more space. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=379) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=381)