# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 386
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2026, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7712 "2026-05-18T16:25:31Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Best joke of 2026 so far: > > Your tariff rebate check is on the way! I don’t get it. And I never will, amirite? (rimshot) ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [May 18, 2026, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7713 "2026-05-18T17:06:03Z")
Mom: There were two pieces of pie in the refrigerator this morning and now there’s only one. Can you explain that? Child: The light was out so I missed the other one. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [May 19, 2026, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7714 "2026-05-19T01:48:30Z")
A reporter asked Michael Jordan how his NBA championship Bulls from the 1990s would do against the current Los Angles Lakers led by Lebron James and Luca Doncic. Jordan: We’d win. Reporter: Wow! By how much? Jordan: 2 or 3 points. Reporter: Really? That close? Jordan: Most of us are almost 60 years old now. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 20, 2026, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7715 "2026-05-20T15:27:25Z")
### A grandfather and grandson are taking a walk around the yard after a rainstorm. Seeing worms all over the sidewalk the grandfather decided to play a little prank on his grandson. “Billy,” he says “I’ll give you ten dollars if you can take one of those worms and put it back in it’s hole.” Thinking this to be impossible, he watched as Billy played around with a worm for a minute. Suddenly Billy drops the worm and says “I’ll be right back” and runs into the house. Billy comes back with a can of hairspray, grabs one of the worms and sprays it down until it’s stiff enough to slip right into it’s hole. “Well I’ll be damn.” Says the grandfather, handing over Billy’s money. “You know what son, I’ll be right back.” says the grandfather heading into the house. About fifteen minutes later his grandfather comes out of the house and gives Billy ten dollars. “But you already gave me the ten dollars papa.” Says a confused Billy. “That’s from your grandmother.” * * * ### An anteater walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he can get him a drink. The anteater responds “noooooo.” This surprises the bartender as no one has ever declined a drink before. He decides to ask the anteater if he’d like a basic drink, a rum and coke! The anteater responded “nooooo” once again. The bartender thinks to himself “hmmm, maybe this anteater doesn’t like alcohol,” so he offers the anteater a water. The anteater responds “noooo.” The bartender is very curious with the anteater’s answers and asks the anteater “Why the long no’s?” * * * ### Are you made from Na, selenium and xenon? Because you are sodium SeXe. * * * ### What’s the difference between new and old hamburger meat? One is ground beef and the other is browned grief. * * * ### What does a diplomat and a good doggy have in common? They both want treaties. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 21, 2026, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7716 "2026-05-21T22:03:40Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > “That’s from your grandmother.” OK, that one took me a while to get, but it was worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2026, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7717 "2026-05-22T18:49:16Z")
### A little boy answered the phone one day. The caller, surprised to hear the young voice says, “Hi, is your mommy or daddy home?”. “Mommy is busy.” “Okay, is your daddy home?” The caller asks. “No, daddy is busy.” “Okay,” says the caller. “Is anyone else there?” “The police.” “Oh my, may I talk to one of the police officers?” “They’re busy.” “Okay. Is anyone else home?” “The firefighters.” “May I speak to one of the firefighters?” “No,” says the boy. “They are busy.” “My,” says the caller. “What is everyone doing?” “They’re looking for me.” * * * ### Aladdin Banned from Flying Carpet Racing Sources say for use of Performance Enhancing Rugs. * * * ### Who is David Tennant’s arch enemy? David Landlord. * * * ### What do ISIS and cats have in common? They’re both a bunch of pussies. – Stephen Colbert * * * ### Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. His legacy will be a pizza history. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2026, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7718 "2026-05-23T02:16:49Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Who is David Tennant’s arch enemy? > > David Landlord. Goliath Landlord? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2026, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7719 "2026-05-23T02:28:21Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? > > He pasta way. > We cannoli do so much. > His legacy will be a pizza history. He was mostly serious, but took time out to have a fusilli moments. He loved watching Risotto & Isles. Amateur chefs love company, but he was a provolone. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7720 "2026-05-24T20:40:24Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_99,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/mptzjgjkzdislzvszrla) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_99,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/mptzjgjkzdislzvszrla) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [May 24, 2026, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7721 "2026-05-24T20:59:18Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_98,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/n6fz2rnqdtwrsxkckeq8) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_98,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/n6fz2rnqdtwrsxkckeq8) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7722 "2026-05-25T00:51:31Z")
**Jesus Christ was going to be named Steve until Mary stubbed her toe.** ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7723 "2026-05-25T00:53:45Z")
Very good! Did you make that one up? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7724 "2026-05-25T00:56:33Z")
I confess, I did not. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7725 "2026-05-25T06:37:32Z")
Ordering at the restaurant: Me, “I’d like a Pepsi!” Waiter, “We have Coke.” Me, “Great, I’ll take a gram and the Pepsi.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7726 "2026-05-25T17:11:25Z")
### A plane carrying picnic baskets has crashed in the jungle Rescue attempts are being hampered. * * * ### Vaginas are like gyms. I’m rarely inside one, but when I am I just sort of pretend to know what I’m doing and hope no one notices I don’t. * * * ### Odd thing about _Toy Story_… Andy’s mom’s toys are also named Woody and Buzz. * * * ### My wife makes my pancakes too thin. Tomorrow morning I am telling her I am sick of her crepe. * * * ### Wife: We just ate, why are you making pancakes? Me: They’re for the dogs. Wife: Why are you making pancakes for the dogs? Me: They don’t know how. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [May 25, 2026, 6:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7727 "2026-05-25T18:38:27Z")
What do you call a hive with no exit? Unbelievable. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2026, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7728 "2026-05-26T17:01:13Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### A plane carrying picnic baskets has crashed in the jungle > > Rescue attempts are being hampered. Further complicating rescue attempts were the sudden appearance of a large brown bear wearing a pork pie hat, collar & tie and nothing else, accompanied by a smaller bear wearing a bow tie and nothing else. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [May 26, 2026, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7729 "2026-05-26T20:38:29Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Odd thing about _Toy Story_… > > Andy’s mom’s toys are also named Woody and Buzz. What is the moral of _Toy Story_? Never play with your Woody when you have a Buzz. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2026, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7730 "2026-05-27T01:03:03Z")
### Why should you never kiss a canary? You’ll catch chirpies. It’s a canarial disease. There’s no tweetment. * * * ### I’ve always wondered why lemonade is made from artificial flavours… …and furniture polish is made from real lemons ? * * * ### Leaving work, my coworker said, “Hasta lasagna!” I replied, “Pasta la vista!” * * * ### A spider crawled into my keyboard last night… He is still in there. I have him under control. * * * ### A cargo ship carrying a shipment of mannequins sunk to the ocean floor. It was two thousand legs under the sea. ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2026, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7731 "2026-05-27T04:20:51Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > It was two thousand legs under the sea. Only two thousand? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=385) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=387)