# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 387
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2026, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7732 "2026-05-27T17:04:27Z")
### Christians go to church and have to pay tithes, But Atheism is a non prophet organization. * * * ### I say, I say, did you hear the one about the cannibal… …who passed his brother in the woods? * * * ### My wife kicked me out of the house for measuring my penis. For the record, it just reaches the back of her sister’s throat. * * * ### Why is a hurricane like an ex-wife? They both start of wet and exciting, but in the end they take your house. * * * ### I have a great fear of baths. In order to get through one I have to put on my playlist. By the time I’m four songs through I’m ready. As you all know… Four tunes favor the bathe. * * * ### Most analgesics are taken by mouth. They should be called oralgesics. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2026, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7733 "2026-05-27T20:34:39Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I say, I say, did you hear the one about the cannibal… > > …who passed his brother in the woods? He threw up his hands in disgust. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2026, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7734 "2026-05-27T21:03:34Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### **I say, I say, did you hear the one about the cannibal…** > > …who passed his brother in the woods? He threw up his hands in disgust. **The cannibal coach got fired.** He couldn’t decide between the raw rookie or the seasoned veteran. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [May 27, 2026, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7735 "2026-05-27T21:42:33Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > The cannibal coach got fired. But was he hickory-smoked and wood-fired? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7736 "2026-05-29T01:13:34Z")
### Why do bullfrogs love terrible comedians? _crickets_ * * * ### I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can’t find him. He must be Haydn. * * * ### What do you call a president who attacks windmills? Donald Quixote * * * ### My town’s population never changes: Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town. * * * ### What do you call a solar-powered keyboard? A photosynthesizer ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7737 "2026-05-29T11:30:21Z")
### My friend said she was only taking Women’s Studies courses this quarter It sounds like a broad curriculum to me. ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7738 "2026-05-29T12:04:07Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can’t find him. > > He must be Haydn. So did you move on to the next one on your Liszt? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7739 "2026-05-29T12:35:01Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > ### My friend said she was only taking Women’s Studies courses this quarter > > It sounds like a broad curriculum to me. So, she’s studying abroad? > [@dirtball](#): > > > [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > > > ### I brought a classical musician back from the past to prove that my time-machine works, but I can’t find him. > > > > He must be Haydn. > > So did you move on to the next one on your Liszt? Classical musicians all love the smell of fresh oven-baked bread, so they can be drawn out of hiding by using a Beethoven. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7740 "2026-05-29T12:41:12Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### My town’s population never changes: > > Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town. Wow. Literal dad joke. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 1:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7741 "2026-05-29T13:26:18Z")
### Why is Juneteenth (June 19th) the best day to have the Neighborhood BarBQ? Because everyone is free that day! * * * ### I’m sticking with my citrus diet until June Kumquat May. * * * ### Why do truck drivers love the 1st day of June? Only four more sleeps 'til Christmas. * * * ### What does the blacksmith say to the apprentice after graduation? May the Forge be with you! * * * ### My Graduation Speech - “I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you.” ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 1:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7742 "2026-05-29T13:42:18Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### My Graduation Speech - > > “I want to thank Google, Wikipedia, and whoever the hell invented copy and paste. Thank you.” Heh, this joke is an anachronism in two directions: First, when most of us Dopers graduated, Google, Wikipedia, and ‘copy and paste’ did not exist. Second, nowadays the punchline would be more like “I want to thank ChatGPT, Claude, and whoever the hell invented Midjourney.” ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 2:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7743 "2026-05-29T14:04:56Z")
> [@solost](#): > > First, when most of us Dopers graduated, Google, Wikipedia, and ‘copy and paste’ did not exist. Copy & paste was invented in 1974, I don’t think we’re **that** old. Certainly I used it extensively in college on a Unix/X-Windows system in the 80s. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7744 "2026-05-29T14:15:17Z")
> [@muldoonthief](#): > > > [@solost](#): > > > > First, when most of us Dopers graduated, Google, Wikipedia, and ‘copy and paste’ did not exist. > > Copy & paste was invented in 1974, I don’t think we’re **that** old. Some of us are. ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7745 "2026-05-29T14:17:46Z")
> [@solost](#): > > First, when most of us Dopers graduated, Google, Wikipedia, and ‘copy and paste’ did not exist. I doubt that “most” of us are. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7746 "2026-05-29T14:30:42Z")
I stand auto-corrected. Now, stop your GREPing 😉 ---
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2026, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7747 "2026-05-29T14:45:50Z")
Sorry, you’re right, that was AWKward. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2026, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7748 "2026-05-30T07:31:39Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/tgxymbmqmrx31qwivsd1) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/tgxymbmqmrx31qwivsd1) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2026, 7:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7749 "2026-05-30T07:59:47Z")
When a woman says, " Correct me if I’m wrong." That is not a real invitation. For your own safety, do not - under any circumstances - actually do it. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2026, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7750 "2026-05-30T08:01:40Z")
I have so many questions…why…what do they drive?..can they read?.. [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_87,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/teqrlffibm9wkqvm8n34) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_87,w_100,c_scale,f_avif/v200/teqrlffibm9wkqvm8n34) ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2026, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7751 "2026-05-30T14:01:00Z")
And, is an elephant prone to staying in someone _else’s_ car?! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=386) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=388)