# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 393
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7852 "2026-06-15T04:00:37Z")
Just overheard a gal order a margarita after being told they was no Diet Coke. Which is very similar to how I make most of my life decisions. “What’s a ‘lap ride’? Is it a music festival? I keep seeing #lapride on Instagram.” “You mean, LA Pride?” What does a glory hole and a police hot line have in common? Anonymous tips​😁 ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7853 "2026-06-15T07:15:34Z")
My wife when I go to Costco. “Take a picture of the cart.” I have to take out the tequila every. single. time. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7854 "2026-06-15T16:41:46Z")
### Why are monks so good at protesting? The more ohms you have, the greater the resistance. * * * ### Why is prostitution illegal? Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn’t want anyone outperforming them. * * * ### What do you call a confused gnu? A bewildebeest. * * * ### How do you spell ‘Liberty’ in Russian? ‘G U L A G’ * * * ### What do the English do immediately after winning the FIFA World Cup? Turn off the Playstation. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 15, 2026, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7855 "2026-06-15T20:37:00Z")
What do you get when you cross a toad and a dog? A croaker spaniel. * * * What goes, “Dot dot croak dot dash croak”? A Morse toad. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 2:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7856 "2026-06-17T02:51:24Z")
There’s a record store in Mexico that sells recordings of German art songs below cost, to get customers through the door! It’s called Los Lieder. ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7857 "2026-06-17T16:34:14Z")
A clerk in a record store collapses with a heart attack. Paramedics arrive. One asks: “any Nausea, Vomiting, or Diarrhea?” The clerk gasps, “try the Punk Rock section.” ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7858 "2026-06-17T17:25:44Z")
Grandpa, what’s a record store? ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7859 "2026-06-17T17:26:09Z")
😀😁I chuckled. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7860 "2026-06-17T20:09:11Z")
### A man comes home early from work to find his wife in bed with another man “Who the bloody hell is this?” he shouts angrily. “Good question,” she replies. “Say, lover, what’s your name?” * * * ### Bernie calls up a radio show host. Bernie: My wife and I have been arguing a heck of a lot lately. Just yesterday she told me to go to hell. What should I do? DJ: Don’t go. * * * ### Everyone is aware of how much Dorothy missed Kansas while she was in Oz. But do you know what Toto missed? The rains down in Africa. * * * ### Yesterday when I was walking to the hardware store I passed a guy shingling his roof. I swear he called me a paranoid freak in morse code. * * * ### How does Kylo Ren celebrate Father’s Day? Solo. ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7861 "2026-06-17T21:10:48Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > 😀😁I chuckled. I’m glad you like it, because I made it up! After overhearing my girlfriend watching many, many episodes of “House.” ---
**Author:** ![Tride](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tride/32/13907_2.png) [@Tride](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tride)\ **Post date:** [June 17, 2026, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7862 "2026-06-17T21:51:20Z")
Emo Phillips would like a word… ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2026, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7863 "2026-06-18T16:20:52Z")
Emo’s brother says hello. Hooray for speech therapy! ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [June 18, 2026, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7864 "2026-06-18T21:53:27Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > **A man comes home early from work to find his wife in bed with another man** Enraged he gets a pistol out of the closet and shoots the paramour in the back of the head. He then turns the gun on himself. “No! Don’t!” she pleads. “Shut up, bitch! You’re next!” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2026, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7865 "2026-06-19T01:03:37Z")
### “Dad, my girlfriend’s pregnant.” “I’m not mad, just disappointed.” “Hi disappointed, I’m dad.” “Did you jus…” “Yes.” “You’re ready.” “I’m not ready, I just told you that I’m dad.” * * * ### The quickest way for a dad to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable. * * * ### Daughter: “Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?” Father: "Ask your sister.” Daughter: “I don’t have a si-” * * * ### A terrorist is holding dad at gunpoint “Say your last words!” “Your last words!” * * * ### “Dad, I don’t want to go visit Grandma.” “Shut up, and keep digging.” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 19, 2026, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7866 "2026-06-19T22:09:17Z")
Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs. They’re Inca hoots. 🙄 Kansas recently renamed itself as Iran to unlock $300 billion in Federal funding. ---
**Author:** ![Civil\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/d78d45/32.png) [@Civil\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Civil_Guy)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2026, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7867 "2026-06-20T01:05:01Z")
Don’t laugh. You think any oil tankers are going to make it through to Denver? Huh? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2026, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7868 "2026-06-20T01:16:01Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Peruvian owls always hunt in pairs. They’re Inca hoots. 🙄 Funnily enough, I was going to post a punchline, ‘Inca hoots’, a couple of days ago to see if anyone had a joke to fit it. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [June 20, 2026, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7869 "2026-06-20T19:26:42Z")
**What’s the difference between a hippo, and a Zippo?** One is very heavy, and the other is a little lighter. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2026, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7870 "2026-06-21T20:26:54Z")
Me: I was bitten by a wolf. Doc: Where? Me: No, regular. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2026, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7871 "2026-06-21T20:56:02Z")
Not a joke but an amusement: All the dates (in US format) from the 20th through the 29th are palindomes. E.g., 6/21/26. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=392) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=394)