# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 394
**Author:** ![billy-jack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@billy-jack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billy-jack)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2026, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7872 "2026-06-21T21:13:55Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Not a joke but an amusement: Here’s another. I gave a presentation on November 19, 1999. To warm up the audience, I started with a slide with the dates August 28, 888, November 19, 1999, February 2, 2000, and January 1, 3111 and asked what was unusual about these dates. I then pointed out that November 19, 1999 (11/19/1999) would be the last date that could be expressed in only odd numbers until January 1, 3111 (1/1/3111). I also pointed out that on February 2, 2000 (2/2/2000), we would have the first date that could be expressed in only even numbers since August 28, 888 (8/28/888). The next date that can be expressed in only even numbers is coming up tomorrow: June 22, 2026 (6/22/2026). ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 4:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7873 "2026-06-22T16:51:30Z")
### They say chicken soup is healing. But if anything it made my burns worse. * * * ### I say, I say, what do you get if you pick a pig’s nose? A ham booger. * * * ### There’s more than one way to skin a cat… …but there’s no way to do it so that the cat likes it. * * * ### While the World Cup’s been on my wife has been moaning at me for watching every single match. For example the other night it was Qatar vs Switzerland. She said “I bet you can’t even name 3 Qatar players!” Well I proved her wrong, I confidently replied: “Eric Clapton, Hank Marvin and Jimi Hendrix!” * * * ### What has balls and screws old ladies? The community Bingo machine. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2026, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7874 "2026-06-22T17:06:12Z")
1961 was the last year to read the same upside down as right side up. The next one will be the year 6009. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 24, 2026, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7875 "2026-06-24T21:53:05Z")
### What is the most mathematical aspect of Summer? Tan lines. * * * ### Bing could have totally crushed Google if they had called it “Bang” I mean, think about it.. “I BANGED Emma Watson last night.” * * * ### A Scotsman was brutally murdered in a cornfield. It was very McCob. * * * ### The President was asked once again when we could expect shipping to resume. But he wouldn’t give a strait answer. * * * ### The sermon on the mount Jesus: “Verily, I tell you: x²+5x+10.” Mark: “Huh? What’s the boss talking about?” John: “Never mind, he’s just mixing up parable and parabola again.” ---
**Author:** ![fedman1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@fedman1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fedman1)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2026, 12:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7876 "2026-06-25T00:53:49Z")
so God calls up Moses and tells him he’s got good news and bad news for him Moses: well, what’s the good news? God: those 10 plagues you ordered–you got them Moses: well, what is the bad news? God: you’ve got to do the EPA report ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2026, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7877 "2026-06-25T01:16:42Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > John: “Never mind, he’s just mixing up parable and parabola again.” This conic section has an eccentricity of, like, a million! Well, OK, that’s hyperbolic. Who’s the patron of radian measure? St. Michael the Arc Angle ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2026, 5:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7878 "2026-06-25T05:20:37Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > John: “Never mind, he’s just mixing up parable and parabola again.” For me, the joke doesn’t work well, only because I know the two words are so closely related, etymologically. (Also French _parler_=to speak, and Spanish _palabra_=word). ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2026, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7879 "2026-06-25T11:59:04Z")
> [@fedman1](#): > > so God calls up Moses and tells him he’s got good news and bad news for him > > Moses: well, what’s the good news? > God: those 10 plagues you ordered–you got them > Moses: well, what is the bad news? > God: you’ve got to do the EPA report Moses comes down from the mountain and tells the gathering multitudes: “I have good news, and I have bad news.” “The good news is, I’ve got him down to ten.” “The bad news is, adultery’s still in there.” ---
**Author:** ![fedman1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@fedman1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fedman1)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2026, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7880 "2026-06-25T12:18:58Z")
good one! Do you read non-sequitur–Wiley has some funny God cartoons ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2026, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7881 "2026-06-25T14:02:24Z")
What do you call a teacher who never farts in public? A private tutor. (Say it out loud if you don’t get it.) ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2026, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7882 "2026-06-25T14:31:21Z")
What do you call an okay factory? A satisfactory. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [June 25, 2026, 6:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7883 "2026-06-25T18:26:24Z")
> [@Jaycat.again](#): > > “The good news is, I’ve got him down to ten.” _Got_ him? I’d bet it [was an accident](https://youtu.be/-8ihcq4hzR4?t=49). ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2026, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7884 "2026-06-26T20:13:10Z")
I recently moved into a colonial house. People were already living there so I kicked them out. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2026, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7885 "2026-06-26T20:27:34Z")
### What do you get when you mix Jell-O with crackers? Pudding on the Ritz. * * * ### My wife’s OBGYN isn’t autistic… …but I think he’s on the speculum. * * * ### What do you call a Bigfoot fetus? Not Yeti. * * * ### I can’t believe how hot it is today. It’s so hot my garlic had to take its cloves off. * * * ### Oscar Wilde: I have nothing to declare except my genius. Airport customs officer: Ha h, yes, a good one sir, carry on through. Albert Einstein: [muffled screams from suitcase]. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [June 26, 2026, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7886 "2026-06-26T20:57:43Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### My wife’s OBGYN isn’t autistic… > > …but I think he’s on the speculum. That sounds like a smear to me. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2026, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7887 "2026-06-27T07:25:28Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/y3ntukmj8jszjvnrtelj) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/y3ntukmj8jszjvnrtelj) ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2026, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7888 "2026-06-27T13:41:20Z")
I think that one’s missing some context… ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2026, 2:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7889 "2026-06-27T14:56:52Z")
I think the context is that Australia is full of hellbeasts. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2026, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7890 "2026-06-27T17:27:37Z")
The joke is the Australian reputation of being populated by animals, insects, fish, … that will kill you in an unguarded instant. While untrue, less than 86% will kill you, the idea persists. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [June 27, 2026, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7891 "2026-06-27T17:35:19Z")
### I asked my Australian friend where in Australia there ISN’T something trying to kill you. “School” was his answer. * * * ### What do you call an American in the world cup final. Ref * * * ### A man who pretends to be rich in order to attract pretty, young women is not a “Sugar Daddy”. He’s an artificial sweetener. * * * ### How long does an owl live? Six and a half books. * * * ### Why did Hank Hill go to a BDSM dungeon? He heard they were Pro-Pain and Pro-Pain Accessories. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=393) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=395)