# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 398
**Author:** ![muldoonthief](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muldoonthief/32/3188_2.png) [@muldoonthief](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/muldoonthief)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2026, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7952 "2026-07-04T04:13:32Z")
I chuckled. It’s just a variant of the “No, that’s just ice cream” joke. ---
**Author:** ![Wendell\_Wagner](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/8491ac/32.png) [@Wendell\_Wagner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wendell_Wagner)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2026, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7953 "2026-07-04T05:38:16Z")
At the moment, this is the distribution of ages in the U.S. Congress: - **Over 30:** 535 - **Over 40:** 517 - **Over 50:** 430 - **Over 60:** 275 - **Over 70:** 120 - **Over 80:** 24 - **Over 90:** 1 - **Over 100:** 0 So you may wonder why there are minimum age restrictions in the U.S. Constitution.: A Senator must be at least 30 years old. A Representative must be at least 25 years old It’s because the average age in the U.S. is so much older than it was when the U.S. Constitution was passed. The minimum age restrictions made sense back then and maximum age restrictions didn’t. Now the minimum age restrictions are unnecessary ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2026, 5:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7954 "2026-07-04T05:47:34Z")
I used to wonder how Darth Vader ate with that mask on? … Then I realized he was probably force fed. Waiter: “And what can I get you, Sir?” Me: “What’s the duck like?” Waiter: “It’s like the chicken, but it can swim.” My phone started displaying only, “Don’t call me Shirley.” It was stuck in Airplane mode. “I’m going to make one of those diagrams that uses circles.” “Venn?” “I don’t know, maybe tomorrow.” ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2026, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7955 "2026-07-04T06:05:23Z")
A reporter at the Olympics sees a guys walking past carrying a long stick. “Are you a pole vaulter?” she asks. “Nein, I am German, But how did you know my name?” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 4, 2026, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7956 "2026-07-04T10:58:27Z")
> [@Cachalot](#): > > And why would the police come to her house to tell her that her husband is ugly? I’m gonna have to file this one under “trying too hard”. Nope. The police are coming to tell her that her husband was hit by a bus. She misunderstood and thought they were commenting on his ugliness. Maybe this similar joke will help you understand: > [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > Doctor: Well, it looks like you’re pregnant. > > Woman: I’m pregnant??? > > Doctor: No, it just looks like you are. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7957 "2026-07-05T01:37:00Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_100,w_89,c_scale,f_avif/v200/idwnnavo3ov8syqjrmve) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/q_60,fl_lossy,dpr_3,h_100,w_89,c_scale,f_avif/v200/idwnnavo3ov8syqjrmve) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7958 "2026-07-05T18:16:17Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/frblaobog7rmrxhagulc) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/frblaobog7rmrxhagulc) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7959 "2026-07-05T18:40:45Z")
“Why are you always so depressed?” “I’m an archeologist, my life is in ruins.” Every Resident Evil Memo Ever: Page 1. “I cross-bred a silverback gorilla with a preying mantis and gave it AK-47s for arms. My assistant, Bob, has been poking it with a stick for 80 hours straight. I hope it doesn’t escape.” Page 2. “It escaped.” I think we can log this as a successful takeoff. About the landing? Someone else’s issue. [![](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/HMOSdh-WAAE34Pt?format=jpg&name=small) ](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/HMOSdh-WAAE34Pt?format=jpg&name=small) ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7960 "2026-07-05T18:53:34Z")
ChatGPT’s current idea of what the trolley problem looks like. [![](https://i.gyazo.com/2700806353cdf868c2a20f3ff05c8fc3.jpg) ](https://i.gyazo.com/2700806353cdf868c2a20f3ff05c8fc3.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7961 "2026-07-05T19:08:01Z")
“After you kill the first five people, should you back up over that last guy? Discuss…” ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7962 "2026-07-05T19:11:18Z")
But you’re only killing four. That person in the middle has no head, for some ungodly reason I wouldn’t care to speculate about. ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7963 "2026-07-05T19:14:24Z")
Quit fighting the hypothetical. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7964 "2026-07-05T22:30:37Z")
See! No head. That’s why we need data centers in space. 🤔🙄 ---
**Author:** ![fedman1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@fedman1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fedman1)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7965 "2026-07-05T22:42:18Z")
but with him in middle of track, wouldn’t train just ride over him? ---
**Author:** ![Stratocaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/stratocaster/32/16393_2.png) [@Stratocaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stratocaster)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7966 "2026-07-05T23:10:38Z")
The people on the trolley are armed to take care of any would-be survivors. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7967 "2026-07-05T23:58:13Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > Why are you always so depressed?” > “I’m an archeologist, my life is in ruins.” Agatha Christie said “An archeologist is the best husband a woman can have - the older she is, the more interested in her he is”. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 5, 2026, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7968 "2026-07-05T23:59:14Z")
I may be the first person to ever make a jelly in the shape of Donald Trump, but I fear I’m setting a bad president. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2026, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7969 "2026-07-06T03:07:56Z")
> [@Stratocaster](#): > > The people on the trolley are armed to take care of any would-be survivors. [Not if you work it right.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfIdNV22LQM&t=94s) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2026, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7970 "2026-07-06T08:23:05Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/jszi29m5le41sdxicg4n) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/jszi29m5le41sdxicg4n) ---
**Author:** ![fedman1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e495f1/32.png) [@fedman1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fedman1)\ **Post date:** [July 6, 2026, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/7971 "2026-07-06T16:10:40Z")
how many Catholics does it take to change a lightbulb? none, they use candles how many Muslims does it take to change a light bulb? 5–1 husband, 4 wives to tell him how to do it how many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb? none, they don’t believe in change [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=397) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=399)