# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 403
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2026, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8052 "2026-07-19T19:00:20Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/xgrge2crfslumdukuy9f) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/xgrge2crfslumdukuy9f) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2026, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8053 "2026-07-19T23:31:14Z")
Yellowstone park officials have started dressing bison as Mormon missionaries to deter visitors from approaching them. Genie, “You have one wish. What will it be?” Me, “So you’re telling me Mitch McConnell is a vegetable, Connor McGregor blew his knee out 15 seconds into his last bout, and Lindsey Graham is dead. I’ll just take a Coke then.” ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 19, 2026, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8054 "2026-07-19T23:49:25Z")
My mom used to feed me by saying: “Here comes the train!” I always ate everything. Otherwise she wouldn’t untie me from the tracks. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2026, 1:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8055 "2026-07-20T01:44:23Z")
### Why did the chicken cross the Mobius strip? To get to the other… wait… hold on… * * * ### What’s the oldest age someone can get a circumcision? I just need the cutoff date. * * * ### What does a mechanic do for a one night stand? He nuts and bolts. * * * ### “The Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool has been drained again for another round of repairs. “There’s a full drainage. There’s plug swaps, de-venting, re-coating, leak sealing, a flapper valve replacement. Oh, I’m sorry, Those are procedures given to Mitch McConnell.” – Jimmy Fallon * * * ### I used to have an irrational fear of leaving the house with the stove on. So now I just bring the stove with me. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2026, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8056 "2026-07-20T06:31:12Z")
I was having intimate relations with another man’s wife. We heard the garage door open, he’s home. She, “Quick, backdoor!” Me, “I probably should have run but this opportunity doesn’t always present itself.” My son is at the age where he’s curious about the female body. That’s why I had to hide it somewhere else. At my age, missing trash day represents personal failure that I’ll be thinking about all week. A bad day of hiking is better than a good day at work … Unless you get eaten by a bear. Then it’s a tie. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 20, 2026, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8057 "2026-07-20T15:48:17Z")
I was hospitalized for being cringe. They put me in the awk ward. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2026, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8058 "2026-07-22T03:16:55Z")
How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb? Well, it ain’t three, cuz my basement is still dark as hell. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2026, 8:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8059 "2026-07-22T08:06:36Z")
As is that joke ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2026, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8060 "2026-07-22T14:05:05Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > They put me in the awk ward. I thought that was just for old-school Unix scripters. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2026, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8061 "2026-07-22T15:13:26Z")
The customer ahead of me at the supermarket was being rude to the cashier, so she scanned his eyes with the barcode reader. The look on his face was priceless. ---
**Author:** ![Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/intergalactic_gladiator/32/112_2.png) [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Intergalactic_Gladiator)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2026, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8062 "2026-07-22T19:03:12Z")
**How many punks does it take to screw in a lightbulb?** Ten - One to screw it in and nine to complain the old one was way better. * * * **How many rudeboys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?** Four. One to drop it, and three to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. * * * **What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?** Homeless. * * * **How many punks does it take to change a lightbulb?** Doesn’t matter, punks can’t change anything. * * * **What has 8 arms and can’t play bass for shit?** Squid Vicious * * * My friend asked me, “What’s punk?” I kicked over a trash can and said, “That’s punk!” So he kicked over a trash can and asked, “That’s punk?” I said, “No, that’s trendy.” * * * Lasts night I saw a crust punk laying behind a dumpster behind the grocery store. He had one boot on. I said “hey crust punk, you lost a boot!” “No didn’t, I found one!” ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [July 22, 2026, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8063 "2026-07-22T21:43:15Z")
> [@Intergalactic\_Gladiator](#): > > three to pick it up, pick it up, pick it up. Dang. That gave me a **The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul** flashback. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8064 "2026-07-23T15:30:45Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > How many dead bodies does it take to change a light bulb? > > Well, it ain’t three, cuz my basement is still dark as hell. Adolf Hitler was born on April 20, 1889, 4/20. He really liked to smoke some Js. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8065 "2026-07-23T17:25:16Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/a81yyistievjvusbib68) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/a81yyistievjvusbib68) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8066 "2026-07-23T17:26:06Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/r2flf5dk5uzqfblakbzb) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/r2flf5dk5uzqfblakbzb) ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8067 "2026-07-23T17:51:43Z")
That’s as funny as a screen door in a submarine. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8068 "2026-07-23T18:06:08Z")
What kind of room has no doors and no windows? A mushroom. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8069 "2026-07-23T18:11:07Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > A mushroom. You seem like a fungi to be around ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8070 "2026-07-23T20:56:06Z")
No sir, there are no fungus amungus. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8071 "2026-07-23T22:09:45Z")
Too many mushroom puns. That’s maitake on the situation. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=402) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=404)