# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 404
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8072 "2026-07-23T22:12:42Z")
Spore form, I agree. ---
**Author:** ![colinfred](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colinfred/32/21338_2.png) [@colinfred](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/colinfred)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8073 "2026-07-23T22:20:12Z")
I don’t think that take is very good, but I’m too polite to say exactly what I think of it. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [July 23, 2026, 10:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8074 "2026-07-23T22:22:03Z")
You not lichen it? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2026, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8075 "2026-07-24T19:35:43Z")
> [@Lucas\_Jackson](#): > > > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > > > A mushroom. > > You seem like a fungi to be around I think purplehorseshoe is a fungal. Mycologies if I’m incorrect. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2026, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8076 "2026-07-24T19:44:22Z")
- > [@solost](#): > > I think purplehorseshoe is a fungal. Mycologies if I’m incorrect Another mushroom pun. Siiiii-EYE-EYE-EYE-iiiiiggghhh. If that sigh seems silly, I am sorry. I got it out of my silly sigh bin. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2026, 8:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8077 "2026-07-24T20:27:36Z")
> [@Biotop](#): > > If that sigh seems silly, I am sorry. I got it out of my silly sigh bin. Hold up, amanita minute to process that joke. ---
**Author:** ![Biotop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biotop/32/321_2.png) [@Biotop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biotop)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2026, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8078 "2026-07-24T21:02:27Z")
THIS JOKE IS NOT ABOUT MUSHROOM STEMS. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2026, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8079 "2026-07-24T21:31:21Z")
A morning mushrooms meal is the breakfast of champignons. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2026, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8080 "2026-07-24T21:41:42Z")
I like how you’re having a fungo at puns for ‘mushroom’ in other languages. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2026, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8081 "2026-07-24T21:56:40Z")
eh, thread’s going to shii(.)take it out with bamboo shoots. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2026, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8082 "2026-07-24T22:56:17Z")
My sled dog team was tied too close together. I don’t have enough mush room. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 24, 2026, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8083 "2026-07-24T23:17:22Z")
My buddy’s wife had identical twins, but he only carries a photo of one of them. When you ask him why, he says, “eh, once you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal”. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8084 "2026-07-25T00:24:10Z")
Why must you never give a _Rhinella Marina_ a blow job? Because as everyone knows, toadstools are poisonous. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8085 "2026-07-25T01:32:33Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > My sled dog team was tied too close together. > > I don’t have enough mush room. (friendly edit): I think “I don’t have mush room” is a better punchline. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8086 "2026-07-25T10:49:56Z")
Not to over-analyze, but I disagree. “I don’t have mush room” puts the emphasis on “mush” replacing “much” in the punchline. That is not at all the intention of the joke. “I don’t have enough mush room” keeps the word “mush” intact, and directs one’s attention to a frustrated musher maneuvering to mush in tight quarters. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8087 "2026-07-25T13:44:28Z")
### I ran my car into a streetlamp. I only had light damages. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8088 "2026-07-25T17:43:38Z")
Three people die in an accident and find themselves in line at Heaven’s Gate. St. Peter says to the first one “Welcome! What did you do for a living?” The man replies “I was a pediatric surgeon. I saved hundreds of childrens’ lives”. St. Peter says “come on into Heaven!” Then St. Peter asks the second man what he did for a living, and he said “I was a fireman. I rescued many, many people and their beloved pets from burning buildings”. So St. Peter says “welcome to Heaven!” Then St. Peter asked the third guy what he did for a living. “I worked for an insurance company, finding people medical insurance tailored to what they could afford”. St. Peter says, “OK, you can come in, but only for 3 days. Then you can go to hell”. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [July 25, 2026, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8089 "2026-07-25T19:26:15Z")
Therapist: What do we do when someone says, “You don’t need any more fabric.” Me: Stab them with scissors. Therapist: SHOCKED LOOK Me: Not the fabric scissors obviously. Therapist: I’m done, We’re done! First rule of the might club: 1. Never commit to plans. Demon tries to inhabit my poorly aging body: Demon, "Ouch!’ Me, “Yeah …” Demon, “What the hell?” Me, “I know…” Demon, “Everything hurts, Why? And what’s that? Ouch, Son of a Bitch.” Me, “idk man, you want a cup of coffee or something…” Me, “Is this the alcoholics help line?” “Yes, it is. We’re here for you!” Me, “So, how do you make a Mojito?” CYCLOPS, “How do you spell Hawaii?” Wife (biting her lip), "Well…you need 2 'i’s. CYCLOPS (puts pen down), “My life is just a joke to you isn’t it Linda.” My parents are replacing their coffee machine, which is 7 years old. Me, “That’s not that old. I have sheets older than that.” Mom, “Well perhaps your sheets aren’t getting as much action as our coffee machine?” I’m going to need an amvulance. Letting my kids try sushi was one of the worst financial decisions of my life. Them: How can you make jokes at a time like this? Me: Sir, this dark sense of humor is a load-bearing structure! I recently entered a contest to see who’d gained the most weight and lost the most hair. Obviously, it wasn’t called that. It was advertised as a “School Reunion.” ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2026, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8090 "2026-07-26T20:12:43Z")
My friend claimed he glued himself to his own autobiography. I don’t believe him, but that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [July 26, 2026, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8091 "2026-07-26T22:32:44Z")
I met a woman at a party and struck up a conversation with her. I was fascinated to learn that she was a PhD student who was working on her thesis. She explained that she was studying racial sexual stereotypes, and her work was showing that the groups with the largest penises were, contrary to popular belief, Native American and Jewish men. “Look at me, carrying on about myself,” she said, “I don’t even know your name yet.” “Soars With Eagles Rabinowitz,” I replied. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=403) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=405)