# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 407
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8132 "2026-08-11T02:52:14Z")
I had to Google it. It’s a little bit of a stretch. > The combination of Cameron Diaz and a colonoscopy is a viral internet pun and dad joke. The punchline plays on phonetics: “Cameron” sounds like “camera,” and “Diaz” is playfully mispronounced to sound like “the ass” or “dee-ass,” combining into a setup for “camera in the ass”. ---
**Author:** ![burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/burpo_the_wonder_mutt/32/365_2.png) [@burpo\_the\_wonder\_mutt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/burpo_the_wonder_mutt)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8133 "2026-08-11T03:02:29Z")
I love telling Dad jokes. He laughs frequently. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8134 "2026-08-11T18:20:04Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > It’s a little bit of a stretch. Depends on the size of the lens. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [August 11, 2026, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8135 "2026-08-11T22:12:13Z")
My buddy said he can throw a ball 1,000 yards and his dog will retrieve it. I dunno. That sound a little far-fetched. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [August 12, 2026, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8136 "2026-08-12T20:23:41Z")
I just found out I’ve been dating a communist. I don’t know how I missed all those red flags. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2026, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8137 "2026-08-13T02:31:24Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > I just found out I’ve been dating a communist. > > I don’t know how I missed all those red flags. Hey, it’s been five years… > [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > I once dated a woman who was with the Sandinistas. She was the guerilla my dreams. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2026, 9:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8138 "2026-08-13T21:48:11Z")
I dated a chemist once. When I asked her if she wanted to go out on a second date, she said “sodium hydride hypobromite”. “NaH BrO” ---
**Author:** ![Jaycat.again](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat.again/32/11525_2.png) [@Jaycat.again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jaycat.again)\ **Post date:** [August 13, 2026, 9:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8139 "2026-08-13T21:54:52Z")
I once dated a nun. She said “it’s ok to kiss me, but don’t get it in the habit.” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [August 15, 2026, 7:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8140 "2026-08-15T19:04:55Z")
The surveillance society is nothing new. [![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/gfvwuthscisqaxqp88zx) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/gfvwuthscisqaxqp88zx) ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 16, 2026, 7:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8141 "2026-08-16T07:43:11Z")
**AGING:** BRAIN: “We ride at dawn!” BODY: “We absolutely will not.” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2026, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8142 "2026-08-17T23:30:56Z")
Doctor: I’ve got some bad news. Me: Lay it on me gently. Doc: Ok, knock, knock. Me: Who’s there? Doc: Herpes, Went to the butchers this morning and asked for some triple. He gave me a DVD box set of Love Island. Friend: How much faith do you have in the human race? Me: I’m a dog person. Wife on email: If you had to choose, would you rather lose and arm or a leg? Me: A leg, I need both arms to fish. Wife: My coworker just said he needs both arms to hug his wife, so thanks. Me: Sounds like he’s never been fishing. Scientifically, a raven has 17 primary wing feathers, the big ones at the end of the wing. They are called pinion feathers. A crow has 16. So, the difference between a crow and a raven is only a matter of a pinion. Veterinarian talking to cat: What seems to be the problem? Cat: Meow. Vet: Yes, but where? Woman to Arnold Schwarzenegger: So you’re not a Terminator anymore? Arnold: Negative, I retired, Now I kill bugs. I am an ex-Terminator. R2D2: The most vulgar character of all time. They bleeped out every single word he said. I couldn’t find anyone to sing with me… So I bought a duet yourself kit. Car salesman: this car will seat 6 people without any problems. Me: I don’t think I know 6 people without any problems. Have you heard about a new sport called Quiet Tennis? It’s like regular tennis but without the racket. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [August 17, 2026, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8143 "2026-08-17T23:48:58Z")
When I was a kid, bedtime was 9 pm. I couldn’t wait to be a grown-up so I could go to bed anytime I wanted. Now in my 70s, turns out that it’s 9 pm. Wife: There’s a beetle crawling across the ceiling. Me: Is it Paul or Ringo? Wife: God!.. Help? Me. I need Somebody (sound of being smacked by a rolled up magazine) WARNING! TO AVOID INJURY … Don’t tell me how to do my job. Train jokes - ouch! Why was the herbal railway a huge success? It always ran on thyme. I was going to tell a railway joke; then I lost my Train of Thought. How do you work out how heavy a whale is? By taking it to a whale weigh station. When my wife found me playing with our son’s train set I was so embarrassed that I threw a bed sheet over it. I managed to cover my tracks. Did you hear about the man who was fishing from a railway bridge? He was trying to catch a train. What’s a train’s favorite number? Two-two. How do trains listen? With their engine-ears. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 18, 2026, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8144 "2026-08-18T18:13:18Z")
## What do you call it when a Christian denomination turns to Evangelicalism? Cross contamination. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2026, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8145 "2026-08-19T01:15:11Z")
### I just flew in from a Transformers convention. and, boy, my arms are tires. * * * ### Do you think maybe Pres. Trump likes McDonalds so much… …because it has his name in it? * * * ### What did the reporter say when he saw the large sea mammal explode? “Oh, the huge manatee!” * * * ### I thought I saw an eye doctor in Alaska yesterday… …but it was only an optical Aleutian. * * * ### Why did the cows return to the marijuana field? It was the pot calling the cattle back. ---
**Author:** ![Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a88e4f/32.png) [@Digital\_is\_the\_new\_Analog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Digital_is_the_new_Analog)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2026, 1:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8146 "2026-08-19T01:24:25Z")
**What did the audience think when Prof.Pepperwinkle started posting again?** It was a sight for sore eyes! welcome back ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2026, 9:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8147 "2026-08-19T09:28:46Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### I just flew in from a Transformers convention. > > and, boy, my arms are tires. Like! ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2026, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8148 "2026-08-19T12:44:18Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### What did the reporter say when he saw the large sea mammal explode? > > “Oh, the huge manatee!” But then he became jaded-- the next time he saw a large sea mammal explode, he just said… “Oh whale 🤷‍♂️” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [August 19, 2026, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8149 "2026-08-19T23:46:28Z")
### One of the joys of parenthood is snuggling into your child’s bed with them when there’s a thunderstorm to make sure they aren’t frightened… Although my daughter has started hinting that she and her husband can manage perfectly well on their own. * * * ### What motivated Hercules to face off against Cerberus? Alcmene triple-dog-dared him. * * * ### It took a long time for the DCU to come up with the series _Lanterns_. They were waiting for the green light. * * * ### What is the padding in a pushup bra made from? Mammary Foam * * * ### A baby turtle… …was standing at the bottom of a large tree and with a deep sigh, started to climb. About an hour later, he reached a very high branch and walked along to the end. He turned and spread all four flippers and launched himself off the branch. On landing at the bottom in a pile of soft, dead leaves, he shook himself off, walked back to the bottom of the tree and with a sigh started to climb. About an hour later, he again reached the very high branch, walked along, turned, spread his flippers and flung himself off the branch. Again, he landed on the bottom, shook himself off, went to the bottom of the tree, sighed and started climbing. Watching these proceedings from the end of the branch were two little birds. Mommy bird turned to Daddy bird and said, “Don’t you think it’s time we told him he was adopted?” ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2026, 2:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8150 "2026-08-22T02:54:58Z")
Why do teenagers walk in groups of 3, 5, or 7? Because they literally can’t even. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2026, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8151 "2026-08-22T03:21:39Z")
I’m hiring a Hibachi Chef as my lawyer, and our entire defence strategy is flinging shrimps in the witnesses mouths during questioning so they can’t testify against me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=406) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=408)