# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 414
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2026, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8272 "2026-09-25T16:45:04Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > Religion is when you search for a black cat in a dark room even though the room contains no cat – and then you suddenly exclaim "I’ve found the cat!“ Sounds more like Politics to me… 🤔 ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2026, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8273 "2026-09-25T18:45:10Z")
Nah. Politics is when you claim to be searching for a black cat in a dark room; and the cat’s actively avoiding you because of the way you’re going about it; but you blame the fact that you’re not finding the cat on the other party. (There are, potentially, other kinds of politics. But that seems to be the kind we often get these days.) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2026, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8274 "2026-09-26T00:27:21Z")
It’s all fun and games until … Someone drinks from the beer can bring used as an ashtray. Lifehack: Turn any sofa into a bed by telling your wife to calm down. Long story short; I recently bought a toilet brush but I’m going back to toilet paper. Did you know that two Egyptologists in the room always fart at the same time. It’s call “The Curse of Toot-in-Common”. I’m kinda glad dinosaurs are extinct because I know I’d try to ride one after a few drinks. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2026, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8275 "2026-09-26T01:16:18Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > It’s all fun and games until … > Someone drinks from the beer can bring used as an ashtray. Full disclosure: I did this once at a college bar. Everybody’s drinking the same brand of beer and it’s hard to keep track of which beer is yours and which is the cig butt graveyard. Fuller disclosure, it was a bottle, not a can. I _know_, you’d think you’d see a butt or two floating in the dregs of the liquid through the glass, right? And, OK, in hindsight, yes, it was kinda obvious. But in the moment, I reached for a bottle in the periphery of my vision that I thought was where I left my beer bottle. In my defense, I was playing pool, and I had like 99% of my visual attention on the table. The good news is, I shook off the grossness of it, took a good rinse and swig of a fresh beer, and went back to more fun and games. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2026, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8276 "2026-09-26T02:02:56Z")
> [@solost](#): > > I _know_, you’d think you’d see a butt or two floating in the dregs of the liquid through the glass, right? Under college-party lighting conditions? ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2026, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8277 "2026-09-26T04:56:46Z")
**Invisible milk?** Past your eyes. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2026, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8278 "2026-09-26T14:05:17Z")
**nm** ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2026, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8279 "2026-09-26T14:24:34Z")
There are too many fancy gadgets in these newer cars. I just wanted to back up and now it’s showing me a video of someone getting run over. ---
**Author:** ![DesertDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/desertdog/32/11503_2.png) [@DesertDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DesertDog)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2026, 3:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8280 "2026-09-26T15:19:13Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > I’m kinda glad dinosaurs are extinct because I know I’d try to ride one after a few drinks. Just the punchline: “Where’s that Eskimo woman I’m supposed to wrestle?” ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2026, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8281 "2026-09-26T17:42:46Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/xbccrv9jk648neevhqyc) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/xbccrv9jk648neevhqyc) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2026, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8282 "2026-09-26T18:40:32Z")
### When Lazarus was raised from the dead, Jesus stood outside the tomb. When Jesus was raised from the dead, Mary Magdalene stood outside the tomb. But nobody’s ready for that conversation. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2026, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8283 "2026-09-27T00:48:14Z")
Time for me to do some resistance training for my daily workout. Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance, doesn’t it? Wisdom: Only when wasp lands on testicles … do you truly learn to solve problems without violence. I don’t really know what you’re supposed to comment under a photo of a new baby … but I’ve learned it isn’t “Ewww”. News at eleven lead story. “Man Crushed to Death by Giant Pile of Cheese After Refusing to Tell Olive Garden Waitress to Stop.” I sent a text to my boss asking if we were still on for today. He replied Yes. You don’t need to text me this every morning. We are “on” for work every day Monday to Friday. Study finds 100% of men would eat any fruit given to them by a naked woman. Letter to Congressman, “First of all, I would like to let you know that I’m typing this with my middle finger.” Dear Black Friday … we all have big TVs now, put groceries on sale please. By replacing your morning coffee with green tea, you can lose up to 87% of what little joy you still have with your life. I just heard that with all this pronoun talk, Chocolate has now identified as Her/She. Note in Gramma’s card to grandson, “It’s not every day that I give someone a hundred dollar bill for their birthday… It’s not today either.” Kids these days are soft. I’m pretty sure I died once when I was 7 and my mom made me walk it off. ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2026, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8284 "2026-09-27T04:28:30Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/k0pnepnba1mlft4uvnnu) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/k0pnepnba1mlft4uvnnu) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2026, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8285 "2026-09-27T16:52:35Z")
**What do you call a rude, arrogant conifer?** Snotty pine. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2026, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8286 "2026-09-27T17:16:08Z")
And your wife didn’t text you anything questionable. But who’s this Jennifer woman? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2026, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8287 "2026-09-27T19:28:14Z")
### Due to budgetary restrictions… There will only one crow on the Orient Express. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2026, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8288 "2026-09-27T22:16:39Z")
> [@smithsb](#): > > I just heard that with all this pronoun talk, Chocolate has now identified as Her/She. 👏👏👏👏👏 ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2026, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8289 "2026-09-28T12:39:39Z")
A young man and woman are out on a first date, getting to know each other. The young woman says, “there’s something important I have to tell you, and if you decide you don’t want to see me anymore after you hear it, I’ll completely understand. Here goes: I used to be a Christian, but I changed my mind. It just wasn’t a good fit for me”. The young man assures her it’s not a problem at all. “I’m very glad to hear that!” she says with relief. “I’m so much happier as a Christina!”. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2026, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8290 "2026-09-28T13:15:21Z")
### Studies have shown that keeping tropical fish is a calming influence. It’s because of all the indoor fins. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [September 28, 2026, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8291 "2026-09-28T13:56:03Z")
I considered posting a joke about trickle down economics… but 99% of you wouldn’t get it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=413) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=415)