# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 418
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2026, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8352 "2026-10-13T22:43:36Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > What fruit enjoys going down waterslides? A watermelon ---
**Author:** ![Ponderoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponderoid/32/19221_2.png) [@Ponderoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponderoid)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2026, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8353 "2026-10-13T23:11:57Z")
[![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/915W-ktl3cg/maxresdefault.jpg "Have you ever seen this before!? #walkofftheearth #shorts #satisfying") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=915W-ktl3cg) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2026, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8354 "2026-10-14T01:00:01Z")
### How do you surprise a pumpkin? You catch them off gourd. * * * ### Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire. It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat. * * * ### Why did the mermaid rush out of her maths exam, red faced and embarrassed? Because her algaebra didn’t hold up. * * * ### I got a voting booth to decorate my house today. it really polls the room together. * * * ### Fruit Loops is putting marshmallows in their cereal like Lucky Charms. I guess Toucan play that game. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2026, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8355 "2026-10-14T12:46:58Z")
> [@Peter\_Morris](#): > > > [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > > > What fruit enjoys going down waterslides? > > A watermelon Wouldn’t that be, like, saying a human enjoys going down a _blood_ slide? 😱 ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Drake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Dr.Drake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Drake)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2026, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8356 "2026-10-14T13:57:38Z")
You don’t? ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2026, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8357 "2026-10-14T15:17:42Z")
Can’t say I’ve tried it since way back long ago on Prom night, and I didn’t enjoy it very much then. My date, though, she _ **really** _ hated it. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2026, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8358 "2026-10-14T18:15:06Z")
### What was the earthquake’s punishment? It was grounded. * * * ### Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime. Because actions speak louder than words. * * * ### Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween. It’s bad for the environment. Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly. * * * ### So my girlfriend just told me that she needed velocity… Well, her exact words were “time and distance” but I knew what she meant. * * * ### Grandma yells across the room: “Billy, what’s the name of that German guy who drives me crazy?” “It’s Alzheimer, grandma”. ---
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2026, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8359 "2026-10-14T18:59:44Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime. > > Because actions speak louder than words. I tried making a career out of being a mime years ago, but it wasn’t for me. One day I realized I was just going through the motions. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2026, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8360 "2026-10-15T00:26:27Z")
An amazing thing! I just saw a dead centipede, 100 feet in the air. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2026, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8361 "2026-10-15T02:39:44Z")
Kid on the playground started charging the younger kids a quarter to tie their shoes for them. It was a knot-for-profit business. ---
**Author:** ![purplehorseshoe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/purplehorseshoe/32/2996_2.png) [@purplehorseshoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehorseshoe)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2026, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8362 "2026-10-15T03:55:41Z")
They made a bunny Transformer. Yup, that’s Hop-timus Prime. ---
**Author:** ![Nyvaak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Nyvaak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nyvaak)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2026, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8363 "2026-10-15T13:57:20Z")
In the course of time, Donald Trump passed away, and he was buried at Mar-a-Lago. A man in New York went to LaGuardia airport and approached the ticket counter. “I want to go and piss on Donald Trump’s grave,” he said. “Very well, sir,” replied the agent, handing him a slip of paper. “One ticket for the next flight to Los Angeles.” “Wait, no. Trump is buried in Florida !” said the man. “Yes, sir,” the agent told him, “but Los Angeles is where the back of the line is at the moment.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2026, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8364 "2026-10-16T13:31:07Z")
### I ate my last piece of cheese yesterday and now it’s raining. Ain’t no sunshine when cheese gone. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2026, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8365 "2026-10-16T14:01:18Z")
Don’t worry about AI. One of these days, AI will tell a woman she is wrong and that will be the end of AI. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2026, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8366 "2026-10-16T16:52:42Z")
A married couple claimed they never had an argument in 25 years. When a friend asked how it was possible, the husband told this story: On our honeymoon, we went to a ranch for horseback riding. My wife’s horse bucked and threw her off. She got up, patted the horse, and said, “That’s one.” A little later, the horse bucked her off again. She got up, patted it, and said, “That’s two.” When the horse bucked her off a third time, she pulled out a gun and shot it. Shocked, I yelled at her, “Are you out of your mind? You just killed the horse!” She looked at me calmly and said, “That’s one.” From that day on, we never had another fight ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2026, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8367 "2026-10-16T20:23:00Z")
### I think one day the aliens will arrive, and look at all the devestation and the signs that say “Jesus Is Coming!”, and just assume that he ate us. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2026, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8368 "2026-10-17T12:41:54Z")
### If you stand by the sea… …it sounds just like putting a shell to your ear. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2026, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8369 "2026-10-17T15:04:19Z")
> **[Seashell](https://xkcd.com/1236/)** ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2026, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8370 "2026-10-17T15:04:56Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/a90gwisebapb16djzej5) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/a90gwisebapb16djzej5) ---
**Author:** ![smithsb](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smithsb/32/12107_2.png) [@smithsb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smithsb)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2026, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/8371 "2026-10-17T16:44:39Z")
[![](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/cjndsjgoyzrtkyzezjl4) ](https://images.spot.im/image/upload/v200/cjndsjgoyzrtkyzezjl4) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=417) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=419)