# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 42
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/831 "2021-10-06T02:18:05Z")
Edited by Andy Diddint. ---
**Author:** ![PozhanPop](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pozhanpop/32/8022_2.png) [@PozhanPop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PozhanPop)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/832 "2021-10-06T09:18:37Z")
Collapsed again :)) ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/833 "2021-10-06T10:21:30Z")
In the movie “Clue,” the actor who played Mr. Boddy is Lee James Jude Capallero, but his professional name is listed in the credits: Lee Ving (Leaving). Cut the Grass by Lon Moore Danger by Luke Out Come in by Doris Open Inheritance by Benny Fishery Lost Cause by Noah Vail Funny Man by Joe Kerr Looking at you @Ike_Witt and @Knowed_Out ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 11:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/834 "2021-10-06T11:19:59Z")
“The White Cliffs” by Eileen Dover. “Thirst in the Desert” by Mustapha Drink. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 11:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/835 "2021-10-06T11:26:42Z")
“Shoplifting For Fun And Profit” by I. R. Finch. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 11:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/836 "2021-10-06T11:33:58Z")
> [@Mark\_Finn](#): > > “The White Cliffs” by Eileen Dover. Wasn’t her twin brother Ben also a writer? ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/837 "2021-10-06T11:34:07Z")
“Modern Swimwear”, by C. Morass. ---
**Author:** ![Precambrianmollusc](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/precambrianmollusc/32/63_2.png) [@Precambrianmollusc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Precambrianmollusc)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 12:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/838 "2021-10-06T12:02:38Z")
I bought a small wig for 1 dollar . . . . It was a small price Toupee ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/839 "2021-10-06T17:08:29Z")
# A gorilla dies of old age at a zoo right before the zoo opens. It is the only gorilla at the zoo since they are not very profitable. However, the gorilla is their most popular attraction by far, and they can’t afford to go a day without it. So the zoo owner asks one of his workers to wear a gorilla suit they have in storage for an extra $100 a day if he will go in the gorilla cage and pretend to be the gorilla until the zoo can afford a new one. Quickly, the new “gorilla” becomes the most popular craze at the zoo. People from all over are coming to see the “Human-like” gorilla. About a month in, the craze has started to wear off. So, to get peoples’ attention back, he decides to climb over his enclosure and hang from the net ceiling above the lions’ den next to him. A large crowd of people gather watching the spectacle in awe and terror. Suddenly the man loses his grip and falls to the floor of the lion’s den. The man starts screaming “HELP!! HELP!!!” Suddenly a lion pounces him from behind and whispers in his ear, “Shut up right now or you’re going to get us both fired.” * * * ### First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific? Me: Simba * * * ### Time to kill off some of the characters in the book I’m writing… This will be one hell of an autobiography… * * * ### What do you call a group of wolves with big butts. A fanny pack ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/840 "2021-10-06T17:10:33Z")
“Under the Bleachers” by Seymour Butz ---
**Author:** ![Limmin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f04885/32.png) [@Limmin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limmin)\ **Post date:** [October 6, 2021, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/841 "2021-10-06T18:22:44Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### First day as a pilot. Control tower: Can you give me your position? Me: I am next to a cloud that looks like a lion. Control tower: Can you be more specific? > > Me: Simba Ah, that reminds me of one I heard. _Man lost at sea in storm:_ Mayday, mayday, I need help, I think my boat is sinking! _Nearby Coast Guard radio operator:_ Can you give me your position? _Man:_ Director of Marketing… ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2021, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/842 "2021-10-07T01:38:00Z")
From: “Airplane!” 1. Ted Striker: These people need to go to a hospital. Elaine Dickinson: What is it? Ted Striker: It’s a big place where sick people go. 1. Handing Lady: Nervous? Ted Striker: Yes. Handing Lady: First time? Ted Striker: No, I’ve been nervous lots of times. 1. "McCroskey: Johnny, what can you make of this? (gives him a map) Johnny: This? Well, I can make a hat; I can make a brooch; I can make a pterodactyl!" [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/LJBZmuv7FtQ/hqdefault.jpg "Just Kidding") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJBZmuv7FtQ) ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2021, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/843 "2021-10-07T12:20:50Z")
### What do “I’m pregnant”, “we’re pregnant” and “she’s pregnant” have in common? They all have _contractions_ . * * * ### I went to the acupuncturist the other day When I got home my voodoo doll was dead. * * * ### Did you know that most of the Viking raiders were children? Because it takes a child to raze a village. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2021, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/844 "2021-10-07T17:48:55Z")
Got a “Microsoft has determined your computer is infected and you must call now” audio-visual message when I clicked the link. Had to reboot. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2021, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/845 "2021-10-07T19:47:58Z")
I clicked it again, no problem…strange. https:// www. azquotes. com/ author/ 11995-Dan\_Quisenberry ---
**Author:** ![CookingWithGas](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cookingwithgas/32/485_2.png) [@CookingWithGas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CookingWithGas)\ **Post date:** [October 7, 2021, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/846 "2021-10-07T22:05:54Z")
I clicked it and the page came up but then MalwareBytes gave me a warning that this page contains “malvertising” so I didn’t continue. I suspect that there is an ad embedded on the page that is dangerous, rather than something about the page content. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2021, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/847 "2021-10-08T03:52:36Z")
I don’t get it. Somebody talk to my wife, Please! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2021, 5:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/848 "2021-10-08T17:36:00Z")
### Why is everyone in New York depressed? Because the light at the end of the tunnel is New Jersey * * * ### Earth without art Is just, Eh * * * ### I enjoy painting wildlife. But the rabbits leave fur on my paint rollers. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2021, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/849 "2021-10-08T18:14:39Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > I enjoy painting wildlife. Remember to sand between coats. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [October 8, 2021, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/850 "2021-10-08T20:00:00Z")
> **[how much Jim Beam could Jim beam if Jim could beam Jim Beam (not mine) :...](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/3448137203893146/)** > > Aug 2, 2020 - This Pin was discovered by 🧜🏽Micah🪐Allen🐝. Discover (and save!) your own Pins on Pinterest [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=41) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=43)