# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 44
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/871 "2021-10-12T16:30:06Z")
A doctor saw a man named John, Who was told he’s a leprechaun. But John had misheard The end of that word. Now his arms and legs are both gone. * * * A Nordic-theme brothel in Leeds Fulfills Scandinavian needs. Its clients are legions Of Finns and Norwegians And Danes and Icelanders and Swedes. * * * She said, " I’ve written a limerick for you." I said, "hey, wait. Isn’t that first line, like, too long by two? And that’s long by six! What is this, some trick? Oh, never mind. I’ll always love you. " ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/872 "2021-10-12T16:53:57Z")
There was a young ensign named Gates Who liked fighting swords with his mates But one slash of a cutlass Left the man nutless And virtually useless on dates. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/873 "2021-10-12T17:54:10Z")
There was a young maid from Madras Who had a magnificent ass; Not rounded and pink, As you probably think – It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass. There was a young man from Brighton Who thought he’d at last found a tight ‘un. He said, “Oh my love, It fits like a glove.” Said she, “But you’re not in the right ‘un.” ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/874 "2021-10-12T21:31:25Z")
There once was a young man from Perth, Who tried to get in his girl’s skirt. He said “Do you fear a prick?” She said “Dear, It’s not the prick I fear, it’s the squirt.” ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/875 "2021-10-12T21:45:45Z")
There once was a man from Peru Whose limericks never went past line two ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/876 "2021-10-12T21:47:49Z")
There once was a man from Verdun ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2021, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/877 "2021-10-12T23:00:14Z")
There’s the limerick about the Emperor Nero, but unfortunately we can’t logically say it. ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.winston_oboogie/32/2945_2.png) [@Dr.Winston\_OBoogie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Winston_OBoogie)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2021, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/878 "2021-10-13T00:52:11Z")
[There once was a man from Nantucket…](https://www.straightdope.com/21341629/how-does-the-limerick-there-was-an-old-man-of-nantucket-conclude) ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2021, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/879 "2021-10-13T04:24:14Z")
A sailor whose name was MacPhee Would spoonerize to a degree Instead of “Weigh anchor!” He’s shout out “A wanker!” And he’d say that his name was FuckMe ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2021, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/880 "2021-10-13T08:50:48Z")
There once was a lady from Bude Who went for a swim in a lake Then a man in a punt Stuck a pole in her ear And said “You can’t swim here - it’s private”. ---
**Author:** ![its\_the\_daddy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bb73d2/32.png) [@its\_the\_daddy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/its_the_daddy)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2021, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/881 "2021-10-13T12:40:56Z")
AsTitian was mixing Rose Madder His model was perched on a ladder. Her position, to Titian Suggested coition. So he hopped up the ladder and had 'er. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2021, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/882 "2021-10-13T13:24:43Z")
Too late now, but I think limericks are their own class of ‘jokes’ and should have their own thread. But the (Kilkenny) cat is out of the bag. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2021, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/883 "2021-10-13T13:30:48Z")
On the chest of a barmaid from Wales Was tattooed all the prices of ales Whilst on her behind For the sake of the blind Was precisely the same, but in braille ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2021, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/884 "2021-10-13T22:16:21Z")
These are all probably too well known to mention, but… A young gay man in Khartoum Invited a lesbian to his room And they spent the whole night In a terrible fight Over who should do what and to whom An Argentinian gaucho named Bruno Said there is one thing I do know A girl is just fine But a sheep is divine And a llama is numero uno Then there is the absolutely clean one: The Reverend Henry Ward Beecher Called the hen a most elegant creature The hen, hearing that Laid an egg in his hat And thus did the hen reward Beecher. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2021, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/885 "2021-10-13T22:23:12Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Too late now, but I think limericks are their own class of ‘jokes’ and should have their own thread. But the (Kilkenny) cat is out of the bag. At this point I think someone needs to open a joke thread. mmm ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2021, 1:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/886 "2021-10-14T01:15:31Z")
A break from the limericks: Confucius say: Paris man who fall into river, in Seine. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2021, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/887 "2021-10-14T01:27:50Z")
Confucius say, man who lose key to girlfriend’s apartment, get no new key. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2021, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/888 "2021-10-14T05:28:46Z")
I took my ugly dog to the park. A lady asked me, “What kind of dog is that?” I said, “It’s a Barques Canardly” She says she never heard of that breed. I said, “It ain’t a breed. If it weren’t for the Barks, Can hardly tell its a dog!” ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2021, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/889 "2021-10-14T13:04:54Z")
1. What rock group has four men that don’t sing? Mount Rushmore. 2. Two goldfish are in a tank. One looks at the other and says, “You know how to drive this thing?" 3. Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Officer asks a young engineer fresh out of the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, “And what starting salary are you looking for?” The engineer replies, “In the region of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer inquires, “Well, what would you say to a package of five weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased every two years, say, a red Corvette?” The engineer sits up straight and says, “Wow! Are you kidding?” The interviewer replies, “Yeah, but you started it.” ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [October 14, 2021, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/890 "2021-10-14T22:38:40Z")
Did you hear that there’s now a Nobel Prize in Agriculture? They gave it to a farmer who was outstanding in his field. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=43) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=45)