# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 48
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2021, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/952 "2021-11-01T00:10:03Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Q: What’s a skeleton’s favorite board game? > > A: Tibial Pursuit. Skeleton walks into a bar, and says “Get me a beer…and a mop.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2021, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/953 "2021-11-01T01:53:14Z")
Puns about poop aren’t my favourite, but they’re a solid Number 2. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2021, 6:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/954 "2021-11-01T06:57:35Z")
This, however, is not a joke: It really happened: David Blood and Al Gore teamed up to form an asset management company specializing in companies that promote zero carbon emission products. To be called Blood And Gore Enterprises, of course. (Okay, that’s not really what they are going to call it.) > **[Al Gore launches climate change asset manager](https://news.yahoo.com/al-gore-launches-climate-change-013836299.html)** > > Just Climate, which will be launched on Wednesday, plans to invest in solutions that will help to limit global temperature rises to 1.5 degrees Celsius. Blood, who set up sustainable asset manager Generation Investment Management with Gore, is... ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2021, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/955 "2021-11-01T15:18:46Z")
### Why did the non-binary prospector travel West in 1849? Because there’s gold in them/their hills * * * ### How many Grammar Nazis does it take to change a lightbulb? Too * * * ### I’ve just found out my wife is really a ghost. To be honest, I had my suspicions from the moment she walked through the door. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2021, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/956 "2021-11-01T17:31:22Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Why did the non-binary prospector travel West in 1849? > > Because there’s gold in them/their hills Love it! ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [November 1, 2021, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/957 "2021-11-01T17:57:45Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Why did the non-binary prospector travel West in 1849? > > Because there’s gold in them/their hills Made my day! It’s not even 11am! ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2021, 12:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/958 "2021-11-02T00:03:19Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### Why did the non-binary prospector travel West in 1849? > > Because there’s gold in them/their hills > > ### How many Grammar Nazis does it take to change a lightbulb? > > Too **How do you console a grieving grammarian?** There, their, they’re. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2021, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/959 "2021-11-02T01:04:27Z")
Do you guys remember the chiropractor joke I told you recently? Come on. It was about a week back. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2021, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/960 "2021-11-02T05:02:02Z")
Have you heard the story about the three wells? No? Well, well, well… ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2021, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/961 "2021-11-02T14:08:00Z")
### What’s the difference between a middle-eastern orphanage and a terrorist training facility? Just pilot the drone, soldier, aren’t you an American?! * * * ### A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best bitch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day”. The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. "And you, Susie? " the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s bitch!” * * * ### What’s the difference between a crow and a raven? A Raven has 17 feathers at the end of it’s wing, these feathers help with flight and are known as pinion feathers. Where the Raven has 17 of them a Crow only has 16 of these feathers. So the difference between a Crow and a Raven is a matter of a pinion. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2021, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/962 "2021-11-02T21:13:41Z")
Harley-Davidsons always make me hungry. We’ll be at a stop light, and the Harley will be going ‘Potatopotatopotatopotato…’ How can you know a Harley-Davidson from a Spanish-speaking country? [Rev the throttle and let it off] ‘CABRON! Putaputaputaputa…’ ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [November 2, 2021, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/963 "2021-11-02T21:49:05Z")
“Car Talk” was on NPR for many years. At the end they always gave credits. For example, their legal representation was the firm of “Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.” These: | Back Seat Driver | Veronica Lizzioncourse | | --- | --- | | Back Seat Driver II | Mischa Turnov | | Bad Joke Interpreter | Nadia Geddit | | Bail Bond Provider | Freida Gogh | and dozens more here: [https://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits](https://www.cartalk.com/content/staff-credits) ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/964 "2021-11-03T02:05:49Z")
I saw an office window high up in an old building on Harvard Square, with a vintage-style painted company name on it: . **Dewey, Cheatem & Howe** I looked it up on Google Maps… yep, it’s the office of Car Talk! ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/965 "2021-11-03T02:40:11Z")
I’d always heard Boyd, Dewey, Cheatham, & Howe. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/966 "2021-11-03T03:19:47Z")
But there were only three names on the window. It was a true story. I replayed the end of a car talk episode, and in the credits they claim their legal team is Dewey, Cheatem and Howe. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/967 "2021-11-03T17:25:05Z")
# A guy asked a girl in a university library… …"Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice, “NO, I DON 'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed. After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy 's table and said, "I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?” The guy then responded with a loud voice, “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT 'S WAY TOO MUCH!” All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock. The guy stood and whispered in her ear, “I study law, and I know how to screw people.” * * * ### What is the difference between Capitalism and Socialism? In a capitalist society, man exploits man and in a socialist one, it’s the other way around. * * * ### What does a chimney cost? Nothing, it’s on the house. ---
**Author:** ![Sternvogel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc79bd/32.png) [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/968 "2021-11-03T21:46:49Z")
I knew someone who referred to Meijer Thrifty Acres (one of the first grocery/general merchandise superstores) as “Shifty Takers”. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 2021, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/969 "2021-11-03T22:20:55Z")
### I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time I think I’ve forgotten this before * * * ### A spider ran onto my keyboard It is under control * * * ### A lady came into my bookstore and asked, “What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?” Slim to nun? ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/970 "2021-11-04T15:04:30Z")
### What do you call an explosive monkey? A Baboom! * * * ### They say what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger But nothing has killed me yet and I seem only to get older and fatter. * * * ### What is the opposite of lady fingers? Mentos. ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 2021, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/971 "2021-11-04T15:13:54Z")
What do you call a grenade on your kitchen floor? Linoleum blown apart. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=47) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=49)