# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 68
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1352 "2022-02-03T03:37:09Z")
You had to be there. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 3:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1353 "2022-02-03T03:43:15Z")
I actually heard a similar joke. And of course you know how John F. Kennedy got his name? The priest was baptizing him, and he looked down, and said ‘…John! …John’!’ 😉 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 4:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1354 "2022-02-03T04:02:58Z")
(Assuming your questions were genuine 🙂 , I will take it Johnny\_L.A explained it.) ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 4:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1355 "2022-02-03T04:05:07Z")
The questions are genuine. The hallmark of a joke is that it has a punchline. Your joke doesn’t have a discernible punchline. You’ll have to explain it. ---
**Author:** ![TCMF-2L](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tcmf-2l/32/16553_2.png) [@TCMF-2L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TCMF-2L)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 1:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1356 "2022-02-03T13:19:45Z")
Complete failure here. I don’t get either of the Putin or the John F Kennedy jokes. TCMF-2L ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1357 "2022-02-03T15:08:47Z")
> [@TCMF-2L](#): > > Complete failure here. I don’t get either of the Putin or the John F Kennedy jokes. Here too, but I’ve never been to a baptism. Maybe I’m missing something. ---
**Author:** ![pjd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pjd/32/3009_2.png) [@pjd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pjd)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1358 "2022-02-03T15:11:30Z")
I suspect the JFK one was a parody… ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1359 "2022-02-03T15:17:00Z")
It might have been funnier if he’d JFK Jr as the subject since his nickname was “John-John.” ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1360 "2022-02-03T15:47:11Z")
My only other theory about the baptism joke was that it was something like baby talk. We now return to your regularly scheduled programming. An adolescent boy is trying to impress an adolescent girl. He says, “My dad is driving us to Disneyland next summer.” The girl replies, “My dad is flying us to Euro Disneyland next summer…first class.” Frustrated, the boy says, “My dad said when I turn 16 the family car is mine and he’ll buy a new one.” The girl replies, “My dad already completely restored an original Mustang for me.” Every time the boy says something she has something ten times better. Finally he pulls down his pants, points to his crotch and says, “Well I’ve got one of THESE.” She pulls up her skirt, points to her crotch and says, “I have one of THESE and I can have as many of THOSE as I want!” From the fifth grade files: Grandma Brown was laying around Said no man could take her down Over the mountain comes Pistol Pete Carrying fifty pounds of vicious meat He threw old granny in the grass Stuck his cock right up her ass Poor old granny she cut a fart Blew his balls ten feet apart Over the mountain goes Pistol Pete Carrying fifty pound of shredded wheat. A mother is concerned that her three boys may be masturbating so she mixes BBs into the pancake batter. After breakfast, one boy comes in and says he peed BBs. She says “Oh it’s ok, I accidentally spilled some into the pancakes, you’re fine.” Second verse same as the first. Third time she explains it, the kid says, “No, Billy was jacking off and he shot the dog!” A little boy starts crying and father asks why. “My grandpa’s going to die.” Father says, we all die some day but Grandpa’s in pretty good health…" Sure enough the next day the grandpa dies. Father is surprised but coincidences do happen. The next day, the boy’s crying again. Father asks why. He says, “My teacher’s going to die.” Father says, “Now wait, Miss Jones is only 25 years old. She’s going to be just fine.” The next day sure enough, she’s killed in a car accident. Finally the boy’s crying and the father asks why. He says, “My father’s going to die.” He says it’s tragic that the grandpa and teacher died but he feels just fine etc. etc. Still, the next day he’s super careful if he’s holding a knife or crossing a street or anything remotely dangerous. By the time he gets home he’s exhausted. He says to the wife, “I had an awful day…” She replies, “You think you had it bad…the mailman died of a heart attack on our front step.” Why don’t ethnic women breastfeed their babies? It hurts too much to boil the nipples I forget the setup…the punchline was that the guy chose a box of maxipads because “According to this, I can ride horses, swim, dance…” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1361 "2022-02-03T16:20:03Z")
> [@TCMF-2L](#): > > I don’t get either of the Putin or the John F Kennedy jokes. > [@pjd](#): > > I suspect the JFK one was a parody… Yes. The JFK joke was an illustration that the Putin joke wasn’t a joke at all. @Jim_B took the trouble to explain my rather obvious Le Pétomane joke. I wish he would explain his own. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1362 "2022-02-03T17:05:30Z")
Moderating: > [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Grandma Brown was laying around > Said no man could take her down > Over the mountain comes Pistol Pete > Carrying fifty pounds of vicious meat > He threw old granny in the grass > Stuck his cock right up her ass > Poor old granny she cut a fart > Blew his balls ten feet apart > Over the mountain goes Pistol Pete > Carrying fifty pound of shredded wheat. Once again, please NO RAPE JOKES. also: > [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Why don’t ethnic women breastfeed their babies? > It hurts too much to boil the nipples humor based on demeaning “other” ethnic groups isn’t super, either. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1363 "2022-02-03T17:25:11Z")
@puzzlegal I didn’t think of it as a rape joke, since the subject was daring someone to try, inviting the challenge. But, my apologies. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1364 "2022-02-03T17:28:20Z")
Thanks. I can see that perspective, but I guess I didn’t read “take me down” as “try to rape me”. So to me, it reads as an uppity woman who is asserting strength being raped for her audacity. ---
**Author:** ![ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chockfullofheadygoodness/32/511_2.png) [@ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ChockFullOfHeadyGoodness)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1365 "2022-02-03T17:33:45Z")
> [@Jim\_B](#): > > The priest was baptizing him, and he looked down, and said ‘…pootin’! …pootin’! The priest was spitting on the baby? I got nothin’ ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1366 "2022-02-03T17:50:32Z")
The bear punchline (unless referring it violates the rape edict) was also a recurring line from a character in the TV show Bosch. And assuming lepers are not a protected class for purposes of this thread: What did the leper say to the prostitute? Keep the tip! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1367 "2022-02-03T17:56:05Z")
### Just been in to Starbucks and the barista was wearing a face mask I asked “Why are you wearing a surgical mask?” She said “I’m not, it’s a coughy filter.” * * * ### Just had a stack of toilet rolls fall on me in the supermarket I’m OK though, just soft tissue damage. * * * ### I’ve been teaching my kid to fall forward… Because his teacher said he will repeat the grade if he continues to fall behind. ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 6:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1368 "2022-02-03T18:06:09Z")
> [@Dinsdale](#): > > What did the leper say to the prostitute? I just told this to my friend. She actually guessed before I told her the punchline. Her guess: “I’m gonna keep my $50, after all I’ve got more holes than you.” ---
**Author:** ![Dinsdale](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/97f17d/32.png) [@Dinsdale](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dinsdale)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1369 "2022-02-03T18:15:01Z")
Reminds me of the prostitute who went to the hospital for an appendectomy. They sewed up the wrong hole, and now she’s making a little money on the side. Or the guy with 5 penises? His rubbers fit like a glove. ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1370 "2022-02-03T18:57:54Z")
Osama made his way to the pearly gates. There, he is greeted by George Washington. “How dare you attack the nation I helped conceive!” yells Mr. Washington, slapping Osama in the face. Patrick Henry comes up from behind: “You wanted to end the Americans’ liberty, so they gave you death!” Henry punches Osama on the nose. James Madison comes up next, and says, “This is why I allowed the Federal government to provide for the common defense!” He drops a large weight on Osama’s knee. Osama is subject to similar beatings from John Randolph of Roanoke, James Monroe and 65 other 18th-century American revolutionaries. As he writhes on the ground, Thomas Jefferson picks him up to hurl him back toward the gate where he is to be judged. As Osama awaits his journey to his final very hot destination, he screams, “This is not what I was promised!” An angel replies: “I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you. What did you think I said?” ---
**Author:** ![Lancia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lancia/32/17174_2.png) [@Lancia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lancia)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2022, 8:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1371 "2022-02-03T20:02:35Z")
Reminds me of an old Far Side: [![Imgur](https://i.imgur.com/MTCp5qT.png "Virginians....") ](https://imgur.com/MTCp5qT) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=67) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=69)