# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 74
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1472 "2022-02-15T17:55:35Z")
> [@BobLibDem](#): > > Because there were no articles in Latin. I decline to laugh at this joke. ---
**Author:** ![billy-jack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@billy-jack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billy-jack)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1473 "2022-02-15T21:25:29Z")
An outdoorsman went to Alaska for his year moosehunt. As usual, he hired a bush pilot to drop him and his gear off way out in the middle of nowhere and come back a week later to pick him up. During the week, he shot two moose. He butchered the moose and packaged the meat up. Also the hide. And the antlers. On the appointed day, the bush pilot showed up to pick him up. He took one look at all he had to haul back and said, “It’s going to take two trips to haul this all back.” The hunter replied, “We got it all in one trip last year.” So the dubious pilot and the hunter started loading everything and they got it all into the aircraft. They climbed in and the pilot started the engine and began the takeoff roll. It took much longer than ever to get in the air but they finally got in the air for a bit until they hit a tree and crashed. The pilot looked dejectedly at his wrecked aircraft and said, “I knew we should have made two trips.” The hunter replied, “Don’t feel so bad. We made it a half mile further than last year.” ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1474 "2022-02-15T22:40:18Z")
From Facebook (needs tweaking, but whatever): > Most people could care less that people say irregardless. This misuse should of been nipped in the butt long ago. Maybe they are just escape goats for the broader problem of the decline of education, but even though I have been biting my time, cringing at the next foe par while they get off Scotch free, it’s truly a mute point these days. Face it: it’s a doggie dog world. I think I’ll just curl up in a feeble position. Ex cetera, ex cetera, ex cetera. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2022, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1475 "2022-02-15T23:37:10Z")
How does babby get made? Two hits for the capo. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1476 "2022-02-16T00:09:29Z")
Dear algebra, Stopping asking us to find your x. She isn’t coming back. And don’t ask y. > **[Get Real Be Rational](https://www.roadkilltshirts.com/products/get-real-be-rational?variant=36071891271838)** > > Shop the get real be rational t-shirt at the Roadkill t-shirts. Discover more from our 1000's of funny tees available online in different styles. ---
**Author:** ![dtilque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d6d6ee/32.png) [@dtilque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dtilque)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1477 "2022-02-16T00:28:59Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > From Facebook (needs tweaking, but whatever): > > > Most people could care less that people say irregardless. This misuse should of been nipped in the butt long ago. Maybe they are just escape goats for the broader problem of the decline of education, but even though I have been biting my time, cringing at the next foe par while they get off Scotch free, it’s truly a mute point these days. Face it: it’s a doggie dog world. I think I’ll just curl up in a feeble position. Ex cetera, ex cetera, ex cetera. I await the tweaking with baited breath. ---
**Author:** ![CardboardBoxx](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cardboardboxx/32/7079_2.png) [@CardboardBoxx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CardboardBoxx)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1478 "2022-02-16T00:29:59Z")
I’m chomping at the bit to read it, but that begs the question of when?. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1479 "2022-02-16T00:32:25Z")
> [@dtilque](#): > > I await the tweaking with baited breath. I’m about to loose my mind. ETA > [@dtilque](#): > > I await the tweaking with baited breath. Your going to have to wait. I hope not alot, though, not to long… ---
**Author:** ![Lare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/53a042/32.png) [@Lare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lare)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1480 "2022-02-16T00:41:14Z")
And when it appears, I can only hope it starts with “waa-laa.” ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1481 "2022-02-16T00:44:28Z")
Shirley you mean Viola! ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1482 "2022-02-16T01:01:53Z")
These people take things for granite, so I thought we should make a last stitch effort as a pose to taking a different tact. _My personal favorite is when people talk about the big finale, like the big dessert after a fancy meal, and they call it the “coup de grace.”_ ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1483 "2022-02-16T01:16:58Z")
Two college professors were mourning a colleague who had drowned the previous weekend. One professor said to the other, “Dammed shame about professor Trevor.” The second one said, “Yes, but what a mind, always pondering something. I witnessed his drowning, and even to the end, he kept yelling, ‘I’m thinking! I’m thinking!’ as he went under for the third time.” The first professor exclaimed, “You ninny! Trevor had a lisp!” ---
**Author:** ![Lare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/53a042/32.png) [@Lare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lare)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1484 "2022-02-16T02:02:18Z")
> [@Ignatz](#): > > Shirley you mean Viola! Well, _I_ do but an ever-increasing number of people don’t know the proper French word. And don’t call me Shirley. Or late to dinner. ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1485 "2022-02-16T04:20:07Z")
You should be able to fit a ‘misunderestimate’ in there somewhere. ---
**Author:** ![Karen\_Lingel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/karen_lingel/32/18649_2.png) [@Karen\_Lingel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Karen_Lingel)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 5:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1486 "2022-02-16T05:11:55Z")
Or an “overexaggerated” ---
**Author:** ![bob\_2](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_2/32/3341_2.png) [@bob\_2](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bob_2)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 10:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1487 "2022-02-16T10:21:55Z")
I thought I’d have a go for myself: Without further adieu and no holes barred, we must esculate this plutonic relationship. A man of real statue who is demonstratably as rich as creases should be in complete agreeance that the crutch of the problem is your complete inability to settle down and be my awful wedded husband? So, let’s run it up the flagpole and see if it floats. In one foul swoop and without further adieu I can truly say that without fear of contraception that you are the man for me. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 8:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1488 "2022-02-16T20:22:37Z")
### A lady had lost her husband almost four years ago. Her daughter was constantly calling her to get back into the dating world. Finally, she said she’d go out, but didn’t know anyone. Her daughter immediately replied, "Mom, I have someone for you to meet! Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks, he asked her to join him for a weekend in Spain. Their first night there, she undressed as he did. There she stood nude, except for a pair of black panties, he in his birthday suit. Looking her over, he asked, “Why the black panties?” She replied “My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still mourning.” He knew he was not going to get lucky that night. The following night was the same, she stood there wearing the black panties and he was in his birthday suit but now he was wearing a black condom. She looked at him and asked, “What’s with the black condom?” He replied, "I want to offer my deepest condolences. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2022, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1489 "2022-02-16T20:29:58Z")
A guy and a girl meet, and decide to have sex. They get a room and start to undress. The guy takes off his shoes and socks to reveal the most gnarly, twisted toes you can imagine. The woman gasps, ‘Oh, my God! What’s wrong with your toes?’ The guy replies, ‘When I was a child, I had tolio.’ The woman asks, do you mean “polio”?’ 'No, replies the man, ‘Tolio.’ The woman doesn’t want to hold a childhood illness against him, so they continue. The man removes he trousers, and his knees are knobby and ugly. The woman says, ‘Your knees…!’ The man explains that when he was younger he’d had kneesles. The woman says, ‘Do you mean “measles”?’ No, says the man, ‘Kneesels.’ Again the woman doesn’t want to hold an illness against him. The man removes his underwear. The woman gasps, ‘Don’t tell me. Let me guess! Smallcox!’ ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2022, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1490 "2022-02-17T09:03:53Z")
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender if he has any grapes. Oh, wait a minute. No grape jokes allowed. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [February 17, 2022, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1491 "2022-02-17T13:27:34Z")
### When I lost my rifle, the army charged me $85. That’s why in the navy, the captain goes down with the ship. * * * ### A Knife Juggler A man was pulled over by a police officer. As the officer approached the vehicle he noticed a large number of knives in the back seat. Looking at the driver he asked, “Sir, do you have a good reason for needing all those large knives?” Smiling the driver said, “Why yes, I juggle them.” Realizing the officer was giving him a skeptical look the driver said, “Sir, with your permission I’d be more than glad to give you a demonstration.” Cautiously the officer stepped back and said “Alright, but you’d better be telling the truth.” A few seconds later, the man was on the side of the road tossing the knives high into the air with ease as the police officer watched, mesmerized. Two old men happened to drive by and both gazed in astonishment. The one looked at the other and said “Sure glad I gave up drinking, these sobriety tests are getting ridiculous!” * * * ### I had a hen who could count her own eggs.. She was a mathemachicken. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=73) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=75)