# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 82
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2022, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1632 "2022-03-01T22:19:21Z")
> [@billy-jack](#): > > “How does your aunt dance?” What’s the answer to the riddle/joke? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2022, 10:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1633 "2022-03-01T22:37:00Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > What’s the answer to the riddle/joke? I ain’t got no aunts ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2022, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1634 "2022-03-01T23:26:43Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > I ain’t got no aunts I don’t get it. I’ve tried saying it out loud, but I got nothin’. ---
**Author:** ![billy-jack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@billy-jack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billy-jack)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2022, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1635 "2022-03-01T23:50:02Z")
It was more of a mean practical joke in which the boy made the girl feel bad by responding to the question “How does your aunt dance?” with “I don’t think that’s funny. My aunt doesn’t have any legs.” I guess practical jokes, don’t fit here. I was going to post a couple of my favorites including one by Stephen Leacock sometime but I guess I won’t do that now. ---
**Author:** ![DSeid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dseid/32/20194_2.png) [@DSeid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DSeid)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1636 "2022-03-02T02:06:59Z")
Why did the chicken cross the playground? To get to the other slide. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? Didn’t have the guts. Childhood classics. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1637 "2022-03-02T05:12:26Z")
From c. 1982 (when I was in grade school or high school): _Roses are red,_ _Violets are blue_ _Sugar is sweet,_ _And so are you._ _But the roses are wilted,_ _The violets are dead_ _And the sugar bowl is empty,_ _Just like your head._ Only there was an alternative ending: _And the sugar is lumpy,_ _Just like your head._ I never got that one though. Why would a person’s head be lumpy? A local radio DJ told it that way though, FWIW. ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1638 "2022-03-02T13:21:59Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > To prove to the _opossum_ it can be done. To prove to the _armadillo_ it can be done. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1639 "2022-03-02T13:58:23Z")
> [@Jim\_B](#): > > Why would a person’s head be lumpy? From being beaten upon? ---
**Author:** ![a6ka97](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@a6ka97](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a6ka97)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 2:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1640 "2022-03-02T14:17:39Z")
Years ago I had a coworker ask another, who obviously had something on her mind and kept messing up, “What the f\*\*\* is wrong with you today? Your dog die or something?” The coworker said “yes” and ran out of the building bawling. The other coworker started crying also and had to leave work for the rest of the day. They apologized and all was well a few days later when they both were back at work. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 2:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1641 "2022-03-02T14:19:24Z")
> [@Rebo](#): > > > [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > > > To prove to the _opossum_ it can be done. > > To prove to the _armadillo_ it can be done. 😃 I originally wrote ‘armadillo’, but I thought they were too regional while opossums (and raccoons) are dead on the road everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1642 "2022-03-02T15:10:27Z")
[![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/Uu5hzc2Mei4/hqdefault.jpg "DEAD SKUNK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD - LOUDON WAINWRIGHT III") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uu5hzc2Mei4) ---
**Author:** ![abcdefghij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/43a26b/32.png) [@abcdefghij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/abcdefghij)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1643 "2022-03-02T15:14:09Z")
The ‘possums just want you to think they’re dead ---
**Author:** ![Rebo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rebo/32/13005_2.png) [@Rebo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rebo)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1644 "2022-03-02T15:27:20Z")
One time I thought my dogs had killed a possum in my backyard. I went out to get it away from them. When I picked it up by the tail it curled up and I thought it was gonna bite my hand! I threw it into the neighbor’s yard that didn’t own dogs. 🙂 They really do play dead! ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 3:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1645 "2022-03-02T15:32:59Z")
> [@Rebo](#): > > One time I thought my dogs had killed a possum in my backyard. Our night dog brought one inside. It appeared quite dead. I pushed it out the door and my daughter sat watching it for about 30 minutes, convinced it wasn’t dead. She was right. It got up and walked away. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1646 "2022-03-02T18:53:40Z")
### One night I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas, I’ll never know. ---
**Author:** ![Dogginit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dogginit/32/16920_2.png) [@Dogginit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dogginit)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 9:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1647 "2022-03-02T21:40:05Z")
I’m fat, but I identify as skinny. I’m trans-slender! ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 2, 2022, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1648 "2022-03-02T23:44:27Z")
Roses are red, violets are purple Sugar is sweet, and so is maple surple. ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2022, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1649 "2022-03-03T02:22:34Z")
Roger Miller said that. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2022, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1650 "2022-03-03T02:31:28Z")
_Roses are red Violets are blue But either in candy Tastes like shampoo_ ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 3, 2022, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1651 "2022-03-03T03:39:21Z")
Did you hear the one about the masochist and the sadist? The masochist says, ‘Hurt me! Hurt me!’ The sadist says, evilly, ‘No.’ [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=81) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=83)