# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 87
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2022, 3:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1732 "2022-03-21T15:08:13Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > all because of one man and his re-seeding heirline. Wow. This one goes in the “my poor family having to hear terrible puns” category. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [March 21, 2022, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1733 "2022-03-21T23:59:56Z")
Why do I hear that one about the bald man in a Yiddish accent? ---
**Author:** ![Wallaby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/dc4da7/32.png) [@Wallaby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wallaby)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1734 "2022-03-22T00:02:38Z")
_ **"Inmate #2: yea, I didn’t wipe off the fingerprints from the murder weapon."** _ I’ve head another version: Inmate 1: “I’ve been imprisoned because of my beliefs” Inmate 2: “What are they?” Inmate 1: “I believed I could get away with it”. ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1735 "2022-03-22T00:57:53Z")
> [@Wallaby](#): > > Inmate 1: “I’ve been imprisoned because of my beliefs” > Inmate 2: “What are they?” > Inmate 1: “I believed I could get away with it”. Love it! ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 3:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1736 "2022-03-22T03:01:13Z")
There was an old man from Bagoda Who wouldn’t pay his whore what he owed her. So with great savoir faire She stood on a chair And pissed in his whiskey and soda. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1737 "2022-03-22T04:45:42Z")
_Here’s some bathroom wall humor (anyone know any bathroom wall humor 🙂 ?). It relates to when they used to have pay toilets. Anyone remember those 😉 ?_ Here I sit broken-hearted. Paid the dime but only farted. Next time took the chance. Saved the dime but shat my pants. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1738 "2022-03-22T10:43:41Z")
> [@Jim\_B](#): > > Here I sit broken-hearted. > Paid the dime but only farted. > > Next time took the chance. > Saved the dime but shat my pants. Here I sit all broken hearted Tried to shit but only farted. (Underneath that, in different handwriting) Don’t complain, you had your chance I tried to fart and shit my pants. (Above the urinal) What are you looking up here for? The joke’s in your hand. I played this once at [Dave and Buster’s](https://www.daveandbusters.com/). [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/wQ4GexzPRtE/hqdefault.jpg "Captive Media's Urinal Games") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wQ4GexzPRtE) ---
**Author:** ![Railer13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/railer13/32/9742_2.png) [@Railer13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Railer13)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1739 "2022-03-22T13:27:31Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > (Above the urinal) Best sign I’ve ever seen above the urinal: Stand closer. It’s shorter than you think. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1740 "2022-03-22T16:02:10Z")
_‘…it’s shorter than you think…’_ In a local bathroom in a bar (I’m not making this up): _That’s not what your wife says!_ 😉 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![cochrane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cochrane/32/10441_2.png) [@cochrane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cochrane)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1741 "2022-03-22T16:21:34Z")
> [@Railer13](#): > > > [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > > > (Above the urinal) > > Best sign I’ve ever seen above the urinal: > > Stand closer. It’s shorter than you think. “We don’t smoke in your toilet. Please don’t throw your cigarette butts into our urinal.” ---
**Author:** ![dirtball](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dirtball/32/18772_2.png) [@dirtball](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dirtball)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1742 "2022-03-22T16:43:21Z")
> [@Railer13](#): > > > [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > > > (Above the urinal) > > Best sign I’ve ever seen above the urinal: > > Stand closer. It’s shorter than you think. I’m guessing it was a woman who had to go in there and clean the place up after closing. I mean, it just has that feel, if you know what I mean. ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1743 "2022-03-22T16:52:39Z")
I took it as “you’re not as well-endowed as you think.” ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1744 "2022-03-22T18:17:37Z")
### Beer Bottle: You break me, you get 1 year of bad luck! Mirror: You kiddin’ me? You break me, then y’all get 7 years bad luck! Condom: Hahaha… (Condom walks off laughing) * * * ### I was at the drug store and I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode. I asked, “Are you two an item?” * * * ### I was having dinner with Bobby Fischer and there was a checkered tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1745 "2022-03-22T21:57:50Z")
More from the restroom… Sign on the men’s room wall: “We aim to please; your aim will help ~Mgmt.” Banter between two men using the urinals: “Water sure is cold.” “Yeah but not very deep.” Inside men’s room stall: This is a tee pee to poop and pee pee Not a wigwam to beat your tom tom And a sign on the wall at my sister’s house, which has one restroom: “The length of a minute depends a lot on which side of the door you find yourself.” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1746 "2022-03-22T22:04:53Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Not a wigwam I saw something on TV when I was a kid. Minnie Pearl: Did you hear about the Indian who built a fire under his toupée? Mel Tillis: Toupée? You mean ‘teepee’. Minnie Pearl: No, under his toupée. He wanted to keep his wig wa’m. ---
**Author:** ![Askance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/askance/32/8281_2.png) [@Askance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Askance)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1747 "2022-03-22T22:26:58Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > Minnie Pearl: Did you hear about the Indian who built a fire under his toupée? > Mel Tillis: Toupée? You mean ‘teepee’. > Minnie Pearl: No, under his toupée. He wanted to keep his wig wa’m. That’s too tense for me. ---
**Author:** ![leswax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/85f322/32.png) [@leswax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leswax)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2022, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1748 "2022-03-22T22:56:46Z")
One of my favorites from the bathroom stall walls, spotted just on the Oklahoma side of the border with Texas on I-40, around 1994: Here you sit with your ass flexin’ Givin’ birth to another damn Texan ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1749 "2022-03-23T14:57:44Z")
> [@lobotomyboy63](#): > > Sign on the men’s room wall: “We aim to please; your aim will help ~Mgmt.” The version I saw: . **We aim to please.** **You aim too, please!** ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1750 "2022-03-23T15:01:14Z")
Welcome to our swimming ool. Notice there is no P in it. Please keep it that way. ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2022, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1751 "2022-03-23T16:32:58Z")
### A man joins an order of Monks. The head Monk says to the man “This is a silent order. You will only be allowed to speak once, every 15 years.” The man says “Ok” and so begins his time with the silent order. 15 years pass and the man is sitting in the refectory when the head monk approaches and says to the man “It has been fifteen years. What would you like to say, brother?”. The man responds, “The porridge could do with a little more sugar.” The head monk nods in acknowledgment and walks away. Another 15 years pass and the head monk finds the man in the dormitory and says “Brother, it has been another 15 years. What is it that you wish to say?”. “The bed sheets are a bit thin.” Replies the man. Again the head monk nods in acknowledgment. Yet another 15 years pass and the head monk sees the man and asks “15 years have passed. Have you anything to say?”. “Well actually I’ve been thinking about it and I’m leaving the order. It’s not really for me.” says the man. “Yes, yes” sighs the head monk “I think that’s for the best. You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=86) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=88)