# More Jokes **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Tags:** comedian-jokes\ **Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 94
**Author:** ![solost](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/solost/32/11776_2.png) [@solost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/solost)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2022, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1872 "2022-04-15T13:02:16Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > I swear, at one point, I knew the logic behind this punchline. > > (Lil’ help?) Sure! We use the decimal system to count: 1-9, then we go to 10, and so on. An octimal system would be 1-7 then 10. So counting what would be 25 of something in Dec is 31 in Oct. ---
**Author:** ![k9bfriender](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/k9bfriender/32/3283_2.png) [@k9bfriender](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/k9bfriender)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2022, 1:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1873 "2022-04-15T13:20:39Z")
I saw one that was: “What does Y-E-S spell?” “Yes.” “What does E-Y-E-S spell?” “E-Yes” ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2022, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1874 "2022-04-15T13:47:00Z")
**Knock, knock.** Who’s there? Formaldehyde. Formaldehyde, who? Formaldehyding places jumped the bandits! ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2022, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1875 "2022-04-15T14:51:17Z")
### If you lose one sense, your other senses are enhanced. This is why people with no sense of humor, have a heightened sense of self-importance. * * * ### How did the hacker get away from the police? He ransomware. * * * ### How do you get $1000 in cryptocurrency? Invest $2000. * * * ### What do you call a transgender whale? Maybe Dick ---
**Author:** ![Ignatz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/3be4f8/32.png) [@Ignatz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ignatz)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2022, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1876 "2022-04-15T16:06:46Z")
Prof. P, These take the (carrot) cake! LOL ---
**Author:** ![jaycat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jaycat/32/3015_2.png) [@jaycat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jaycat)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2022, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1877 "2022-04-15T16:37:21Z")
> [@purplehorseshoe](#): > > Derby hat who? Derby hat time in the old town tonight. ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2022, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1878 "2022-04-15T17:01:43Z")
Nice. ---
**Author:** ![Limmin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f04885/32.png) [@Limmin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limmin)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2022, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1879 "2022-04-15T17:13:11Z")
> [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](#): > > ### 4 Engineers get in a car and the AC isn’t working. > > The mechanical engineer says, “the belt fan motor must not be working.” > > The electrical engineer says, “the fuse might be blown.” > > The chemical engineer says, “impurities in the gasoline.” > > The IT engineer says, “have you tried turning it off and on” Interestingly, except for the impurities in the gasoline answer, any of these could be correct. Add to this: The materials engineer says, “the heat of the engine is causing the A/C clutch to disengage too soon.” (The real life answer to my wife’s car’s AC issues.) ---
**Author:** ![Limmin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f04885/32.png) [@Limmin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Limmin)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2022, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1880 "2022-04-15T17:17:46Z")
> [@solost](#): > > Sure! We use the decimal system to count: 1-9, then we go to 10, and so on. An octimal system would be 1-7 then 10. So counting what would be 25 of something in Dec is 31 in Oct. @purplehorseshoe Just in case, let me spell it out… Dec (base 10) - Oct (base 8) 10 = 10 ---------- 10 = 8 (dashes added so column formatting would work) So in Dec, 25 is 2x 10s + 1x 5 = 25 In Oct, it’s 3x 8’s (written 3x 10 or 30) + 1 = 31 Thus Oct 31 = Dec 25 ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2022, 2:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1881 "2022-04-16T14:24:53Z")
### A make-up artist was surprised when people told her she wouldn’t be a good politician. “But why?” she asked. “Isn’t it all just lip service?” * * * ### A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him. He’s the new temp. * * * ### What do you call someone who isn’t sure if the Easter Bunny is real? An Eggnostic. ---
**Author:** ![Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mean_mr.mustard/32/3865_2.png) [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mean_Mr.Mustard)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2022, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1882 "2022-04-16T17:11:17Z")
Plastic surgery support group leader: “I see a lot of new faces here today. I must say, I am disappointed.” ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [April 16, 2022, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1883 "2022-04-16T18:53:32Z")
No death jokes, so far. So here’s one… A man is walking thru an old Austrian cemetery. And he hears this weird sound, like music being played backwards. And when he tries to find its origin, he comes upon a mausoleum. Beethoven’s mausoleum. He opens it up, and he sees Beethoven’s corpse erasing music. ‘Beethoven!’ he exclaims, ‘You can’t erase this music. It’s the greatest music in the world!’ ‘Oh, don’t mind me,’ Beethoven says. ‘I’m just decomposing.’ ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2022, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1884 "2022-04-17T02:50:30Z")
Why did Jesus leave the stone rolled aside on Easter morning? He was, after all, born in a barn ---
**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2022, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1885 "2022-04-17T14:08:42Z")
### Why didn’t the Easter egg cross the road? Because he wasn’t a chicken yet. * * * ### A man, his wife, and his cranky mother-in-law went on vacation to the Holy Land. While they were there, the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150”. The man thought about it for a while and told the undertaker he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, “Why…. why would you spend $5,000 to ship your mother-in-law home when it would be wonderful to be buried here and spend only $150?” The man said, “A man died here about 2000 years ago. He was buried here and three days later, he rose from the dead. I just can’t take that chance.” * * * ### A minister started his Children’s Sermon with a question: Who knows what the Resurrection is? Without missing a beat a young boy says, “If you have one lasting more than 4 hours call your physician.” ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2022, 11:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1886 "2022-04-17T23:26:18Z")
In HS possibly, I heard about this rural man named Hogg who had three daughters. He named them Ima, Ura and Husa. (I laughed hysterically at the time 😉 🙂 .) ---
**Author:** ![Peter\_Morris](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peter_morris/32/359_2.png) [@Peter\_Morris](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peter_Morris)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2022, 11:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1887 "2022-04-17T23:39:09Z")
How does Alfred tell Bruce Wayne that his meal is ready? **dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman!** That was funny when I was eight. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 17, 2022, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1888 "2022-04-17T23:43:42Z")
> [@Jim\_B](#): > > In HS possibly, I heard about this rural man named Hogg who had three daughters. He named them Ima, Ura and Husa. (I laughed hysterically at the time 😉 🙂 .) > **[Jim Hogg | Public service](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Hogg#Public_service)** > > In 1873, Hogg was named Justice of the Peace at Quitman. The following year he married Sarah Ann Stinson. They had four children, William Clifford (1875), Ima (1882), Michael (1885), and Thomas Elijah (1887). Ima was named for the heroine of the poem The Fate of Marvin, written by Hogg's older brother Tom in 1873. Although legend states that the Hoggs also had a daughter named Ura, that allegation is false. > In 1876, he was defeated by John S. Griffith for a seat in the Texas legislature. He ... > They had four children, [William Clifford](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Will_Hogg) (1875), [Ima](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ima_Hogg) (1882), Michael (1885), and Thomas Elijah (1887). Ima was named for the heroine of the poem _The Fate of Marvin_ , written by Hogg’s older brother Tom in 1873.[[3]](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jim_Hogg#cite_note-hendrickson130-3) **Although [legend](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Urban_legend) states that the Hoggs also had a daughter named Ura, that allegation is false.** Incidentally… > **[Bill Lear](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bill_Lear)** > > William Powell Lear (June 26, 1902 – May 14, 1978) was an American inventor and businessman. He is best known for founding Learjet, a manufacturer of business jets. He also invented the battery eliminator for the B battery, and developed the car radio and the 8-track cartridge, an audio tape system. Throughout his career of 46 years, Lear received over 140 patents. > Lear was born on June 26, 1902, in Hannibal, Missouri to Rueben Marion Lear, a carpenter, and Gertrude Elizabeth Powell Lear. His ... > - In 1941, Lear married his fourth wife, [Moya Marie Olsen](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moya_Lear). They had four children together: [John Olsen Lear](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Olsen_Lear), **Shanda** , David and Tina. ---
**Author:** ![a6ka97](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c2a13f/32.png) [@a6ka97](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/a6ka97)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2022, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1889 "2022-04-18T00:04:36Z")
> [@Jim\_B](#): > > In HS possibly, I heard about this rural man named Hogg who had three daughters. He named them Ima, Ura and Husa. (I laughed hysterically at the time 😉 🙂 .) Wonder if they dated the Whitt brothers, Haph and Dimm. They ended up marring the Lee sisters, Ugg and Hom. ---
**Author:** ![Mark\_Finn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/34f0e0/32.png) [@Mark\_Finn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mark_Finn)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2022, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1890 "2022-04-18T00:19:25Z")
Bus driver: “This bus goes to Fish Hook”. Passenger: “Fish Hook - where’s thst?” Bus driver: “It’s at the end of the line”. ---
**Author:** ![Jim\_B](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jim_b/32/4338_2.png) [@Jim\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jim_B)\ **Post date:** [April 18, 2022, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/1891 "2022-04-18T00:42:30Z")
What did the Pink Panther say when he saw a dead ant? _Dead-ant! Dead-ant! Dead-ant dead-ant dead-ant!_ (Ditto for me, though I may have been six.) 🙂 EDIT: Here, if the reference is dated to you: [Pink Panther theme](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lp6z3s1Gig0). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=93) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629.md?page=95)