# More Jokes

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629>\
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\
**Tags:** comedian-jokes\
**Created:** [February 27, 2020, 11:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629 "2020-02-27T23:57:18Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 1\
**Showing post:** 5600

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**Author:** ![Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/prof.pepperwinkle/32/13627_2.png) [@Prof.Pepperwinkle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Prof.Pepperwinkle)\
**Post date:** [December 26, 2024, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-jokes/848629/5600 "2024-12-26T14:15:55Z")

</div>

### Do not look for the Past

for you cannot change it.  
Do not look for the Future  
for you do not know what it is.  
Do not look for the Present  
for I didn’t get you one.

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## If you start watching _Avengers: Endgame_ on New Year’s Eve at exactly 9:29:30, at exactly midnight…

You’ll realize exactly why you’re still single.

* * *

### I accidentally squirted some ketchup in my eyes..

Now I have Heinzsight!!

* * *

### My girlfriend left me this Christmas…

So now I am alone with a wife and two kids.

* * *

### Who in the Addams Family gets the most gifts at Christmas?

Cousin Itt. Santa always checks him on his list twice.

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