# More Sterling Performance From The TSA **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 2, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258 "2011-03-02T20:06:25Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2011, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/61 "2011-03-09T21:16:11Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > There are plenty of times when two different TSA “officers” ( and yeah, I use that term in quotes. Gimmeafuckin’break. Officers. Epaulets do not an officer make !! ) have been working on my stuff. The accurate term is “TSO screener.” The impolite, but equally accurate, term is “TSO screening clerk.” And yes, TSO screening clerks often misapply / misunderstand / don’t follow the TSA procedures for handling CPAP equipment or other medical devices, medicinal supplies, etc. File a complaint every time, with a copy to DHS IG and to the airport’s FSD office. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [March 9, 2011, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/62 "2011-03-09T23:20:19Z")
That will be a superb way to insure I am put onto the TSA Don’t Fly list. I cannot afford to risk that because I fly for work. I’ll just have to let them stumble through and be inefficient and inaccurate in the performance of their duties. A little power is a dangerous thing. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 4:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/63 "2011-03-22T04:20:02Z")
Heh. Yesterday, I was the only person out of a dozen or more to be “invited” to have a full-body scan (I was the only girl in the whole line). I declined and moved to the standard magnetometer. A call went up for a female screener to “assist” me. 🙂 She began her spiel about exactly how & where she would be touching me, and with what parts of her hand. She was made very nervous by my scrutiny of her badge, and when she asked why, I told her I was keeping track of her info. She called a supervisor over to watch her work. 🙂 It was a detailed-seeming patdown, or it would have been for someone who had never been professionally patted down before. Lots of touching but none of it targeted, with no verbal interaction with the “client,” which most competent security people will tell you is vitally important. To top off the experience, she asked me why I chose to opt out today. I started out my explanation about how the gov’t had lied about the type & amount of radiation given by the full-body scan, so they really didn’t actually know… but when her eyes started to glaze over (too many big words), I finished up by saying that basically I just wanted to be a pain in the ass. 🙂 The funny part? I forgot about my husband’s multi-tool on my keyring in my purse, but LAX and SFO both missed it. :rolleyes: Security theater is bad theater, and no one should have to sit through bad theater. ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 11:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/64 "2011-03-22T11:34:40Z")
> [@Uzi](#): > > My comment came from not reading the OP again before I posted. I forgot that it had mentioned drugs. > But, yeah. I wonder why we think it is okay to give up our rights because of the situation we find ourselves in. What makes airports special? Frankly, I think all the border guards should be able to do is look at my passport and, assuming I am a citizen, wave me on my way, no different than any other type of cop. They can butt search foreigners all they want, afaic (and I’d expect similar treatment traveling to another country). Works for me. Run the drug and explosive sniffers around and slot me through a metal detector/wanding and I’m good. > [@Steve\_MB](#): > > The dynamics are fundamentally different. On a plane, you simply don’t have the option of not getting involved – you already **are** involved. Issue everybody a taser and let the plane duke it out for superiority. Plop a box lunch and bottle of water on every seat and eliminate steward/ess entirely. Lock the pilots in their cabin. > [@Cartooniverse](#): > > I struggle to explain this to my overlords. I like to drive. I do. I live in NYC. I fly all the time. Boston gig? I’m in the car, baby. D.C. gig? They want me to fly, I push them so I can fly. Atlanta gig? I’d rather fly because the drive is a killer. Detroit? Toss-up. Toronto? Toss-up, though flying is rough because it’s International. > > I hate flying. My god I hate flying. I use a CPAP machine. There are plenty of times when two different TSA “officers” ( and yeah, I use that term in quotes. Gimmeafuckin’break. Officers. Epaulets do not an officer make !! ) have been working on my stuff. > > The video of the 5 year old boy being wanded and patted down by a TSA “officer” is just pathetic. How about if we put HIS 5 year old through that shit? > > Cartooniverse I am another person that absolutely loves long road trips. Fill the tank, grab about $50 for random expenses [depending on the length of the trip] top off my ipod with music and a couple audiobooks and hit the road. I am strange because I take my pillow and blanket … I hate the nasty synthetic blankets and coverlets they have in hotels, and i need my specific pillow or my neck feels like shit in the morning. Not to mention, being a gimp makes the standing in line/wheeling around the airport and going through TSA inspections a pain in the ass. > [@Scuba\_Ben](#): > > The accurate term is “TSO screener.” The impolite, but equally accurate, term is “TSO screening clerk.” > > And yes, TSO screening clerks often misapply / misunderstand / don’t follow the TSA procedures for handling CPAP equipment or other medical devices, medicinal supplies, etc. File a complaint every time, with a copy to DHS IG and to the airport’s FSD office. How about printing out the way it is supposed to be handled from their official website and tape it to the equipment? > [@Moirai](#): > > Heh. Yesterday, I was the only person out of a dozen or more to be “invited” to have a full-body scan (I was the only girl in the whole line). I declined and moved to the standard magnetometer. A call went up for a female screener to “assist” me. 🙂 > > She began her spiel about exactly how & where she would be touching me, and with what parts of her hand. She was made very nervous by my scrutiny of her badge, and when she asked why, I told her I was keeping track of her info. She called a supervisor over to watch her work. 🙂 > > It was a detailed-seeming patdown, or it would have been for someone who had never been professionally patted down before. Lots of touching but none of it targeted, with no verbal interaction with the “client,” which most competent security people will tell you is vitally important. > > To top off the experience, she asked me why I chose to opt out today. I started out my explanation about how the gov’t had lied about the type & amount of radiation given by the full-body scan, so they really didn’t actually know… but when her eyes started to glaze over (too many big words), I finished up by saying that basically I just wanted to be a pain in the ass. 🙂 > > The funny part? I forgot about my husband’s multi-tool on my keyring in my purse, but LAX and SFO both missed it. :rolleyes: > > Security theater is bad theater, and no one should have to sit through bad theater. Bad Theater exactly. I have accidentally gotten a multitool, and one of those metal ‘credit card’ sized multitools through inspection a number of times. I have actually been considering custom made wooden and plastic canadian crutches, and gimping through the metal detector. I wonder if I could get them to let me go through the rape-o-vision with them. I may take an old set apart and see how they are made inside, to see if I can just take the grips off a set, it almost looks like the shafts are the only real metal parts. ---
**Author:** ![Uzi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/91b2a8/32.png) [@Uzi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uzi)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/65 "2011-03-22T13:49:48Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > Issue everybody a taser and let the plane duke it out for superiority. I’m for everyone having an explosive collar around their neck. Send the right signal and ‘BANG!’: Dead terrorist. But, given how incompetently the waitresses operate the entertainment system, we’d end up with the thing just not working or every second flight sorting out which heads go to which passengers. ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/66 "2011-03-22T15:04:24Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > How about printing out the way it is supposed to be handled from their official website and tape it to the equipment? On FlyerTalk, there are frequent reports of the TSCs saying “The web site is out of date.” :mad: ---
**Author:** ![Buttercup\_Smith](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/buttercup_smith/32/473_2.png) [@Buttercup\_Smith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buttercup_Smith)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/67 "2011-03-22T22:36:07Z")
I don’t fly often and I fear it. Both times I went through Atlanta I was checked with the sniffer wand and when I went through LAX I was “randomly” chosen for a pat down and my bag was gone through, the one I checked; they left a note. Why was I singled out and could my fear of flying have made me seem suspicious? ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [March 22, 2011, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/68 "2011-03-22T23:10:40Z")
I saw the news report about the settlement for the [guy who was pulled off a flight due to his arabic t-shirt](http://edition.cnn.com/2009/US/01/07/jet.blue.settlement/). I’m thinking a t-shirt with the bill of rights in arabic might make nice in-flight wear. Or maybe [Joy Division](http://boingboing.net/2007/10/09/allah-save-the-queen.html). ---
**Author:** ![Moonlitherial](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4bbf92/32.png) [@Moonlitherial](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moonlitherial)\ **Post date:** [March 23, 2011, 1:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/69 "2011-03-23T01:59:52Z")
Okay so Nexus processing is fast too. Since I was already on the site looking up info for this thread on March 5th I submitted our applications. Sunday I got the email that we have provisional approval and just need to schedule our interviews. Next flight is going to be a happier one. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2011, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/70 "2011-03-26T18:27:05Z")
> [@aruvqan](#): > > How about printing out the way it is supposed to be handled from their official website and tape it to the equipment? When I was doing a lot of knitting, I carried a printout of TSA regulations governing knitting needles in my bag. I always wondered why 4oz of liquid was a bigger problem than a nice pair of 18in stainless steel knitting needles. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![aruvqan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aruvqan/32/2891_2.png) [@aruvqan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aruvqan)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2011, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/71 "2011-03-27T00:40:59Z")
> [@Moirai](#): > > When I was doing a lot of knitting, I carried a printout of TSA regulations governing knitting needles in my bag. I always wondered why 4oz of liquid was a bigger problem than a nice pair of 18in stainless steel knitting needles. :rolleyes: No idea, you could pith someone or do a pretty good shot into the heart with a knitting needle applied properly. Heck for that matter my [canadian crutches](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crutch) are giant economy sized [tonfa](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tonfa), for what it is worth. I might as well be carrying matching clubs. Oddly enough, since I was a security guard, I actually trained for tonfa =) ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/72 "2011-04-22T13:45:11Z")
> [@rayman5321](#): > > Disembark, not debark. 1. “Debark” was in the quote, not in what I wrote 2. “Debark” and “disembark” are synonymous. From [dictionary.com](http://dictionary.com): [debark](http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/debark) ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/73 "2011-04-22T17:34:33Z")
We mailed a bunch of stuff back home, but forgot to include the three knives I bought driving through new mexico- all in the carryon bag forgotten until we got home- and I was travelling with (The Horror)- _brown people_! While alternatively, I have, while alone, had a guard search my bag, emptying everything out- for the metal thing that turned out to be the metal embossed logo _woven into the bag_. He was totally embarrassed about it, however, and apologized quite profusely. I used to just travel with a tiny backpack with a single change of clothing and a book, but after being explosives swabbed every time I travelled alone, I started bringing unnecessary extra shit. ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/74 "2011-04-22T17:38:49Z")
Oh, and I wanted to add- the last time I got on a plane with my daughter, they let her in the cockpit! I didn’t know they still did that! Pretty awesome. Like the old days- I remember getting to go in the cockpit with my parents to meet the pilots when I was a kid… ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/75 "2011-04-22T17:43:16Z")
> [@gurujulp](#): > > Oh, and I wanted to add- the last time I got on a plane with my daughter, they let her in the cockpit! I didn’t know they still did that! > > Pretty awesome. Like the old days- I remember getting to go in the cockpit with my parents to meet the pilots when I was a kid… Can’t resist… > [@](#): > > You like gladiator movies, Johnny ? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/76 "2011-04-22T17:45:16Z")
> [@Cartooniverse](#): > > Can’t resist… > 😃 Just the other morning I woke up and asked my girlfriend, “So, Johnny, have you ever seen a grown man naked?” 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/77 "2011-04-22T17:49:51Z")
\<-------- Laughed right out loud. How’d your girlfriend Johnny react? And what would she have said if instead you exclaimed, " Hey ! I know you ! You’re Kareem Abdul Jabaar ! " ---
**Author:** ![gurujulp](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ba9def/32.png) [@gurujulp](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gurujulp)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/78 "2011-04-22T17:50:31Z")
She facebooked it, immediately! lol ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/79 "2011-04-22T19:50:10Z")
> [@Moirai](#): > > My kids are both competitive saber fencers. I’ve probably told this story before, but due to the high cost of the equipment, we take everything except the sabers themselves in carry on bags (the sabers are in hard plastic golf travel bags). Only ONCE has a screener even batted an eye at seeing a stainless steel mesh face mask and a stainless steel conductive jacket with wires coming out all over the place. I even said one time, “Wow, you must know fencing!”. Blank look- she hadn’t noticed that was in the bag as it went through the X-ray. :rolleyes: My son fenced for a while - but not a level that would require us to fly! I understand that, when flying, fencers are advised to avoid calling the equipment by name - no “foils”, “sabers”, “guards”, etc., and most certainly NOT “swords”! Instead, they will repeatedly reply “sporting equipment” when asked what they are carrying. ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 9:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258/80 "2011-04-22T21:49:58Z")
> [@Moirai](#): > > Is the bulkhead “wall” between the lavatory and the cockpit reinforced as well? Cuz it looks pretty flimsy… ooh, ooh, pick me! Proud to say that in early 2002 I worked a buttload of overtime helping design the modifications for aftermarket 737s to the cockpit (now referred to as Flight Deck:rolleyes:) bulkhead and doors at Boeing. My personal contributions were hours spent on reinforcing that tiny horizontal bit at the top of the angled doorframe and redesigning the vent openings in the bulkhead of the models that have a lavatory adjacent to the flight deck so no teeny tiny terrorist can squeeze thru an opening and harm the pilot. It was fascinatingly detailed work, and I learned a lot about contortionists and physical skeletal limits. Sometimes I have a very cool job. Unfortunately the amount of pain I live with means I can no longer fly and see the fruits of my labor, but sometimes more able-bodied coworkers bring me pictures and videos of my modifications being installed. I dread the day one of my parents die (and at 80 & 81 it’s only a matter of time) and I have to tell the other one I can’t fly across the country for a funeral. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-sterling-performance-from-the-tsa/573258.md?page=5)