# More Stupid Church Signs **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 7, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786 "2002-11-07T22:09:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 10:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/1 "2002-11-07T22:09:39Z")
Seen on Tuesday on the sign in front of a Methodist Church: "Vote is a four-letter word “Handle with prayer” :rolleyes: Yeah, no need to research the candidates’ positions or anything like that. Just pray about it; God will tell you who to vote for. ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [November 7, 2002, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/2 "2002-11-07T22:23:53Z")
Sounds like they don’t want Christians to vote at all, just pray. That will put less fundies on office, so I’m all for that. ---
**Author:** ![airdisc](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e19adc/32.png) [@airdisc](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/airdisc)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/3 "2002-11-08T00:06:54Z")
Seen in North Carolina in 2001 (sorry I can’t be more specific): “Jesus: All your sin are belong to me.” ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 3:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/4 "2002-11-08T03:04:09Z")
St. Barnabas’ Anglican Church on Broadway, Sydney, had one of these billboards, and this became part of a famous series of witty exchanges between the church, and the pub directly opposite. With thanks to **woolly** , here is a small exerpt from an article in _The Sydney Morning Herald_: > [@](#): > > The St Barnabas’ Anglican Church across the road from the hotel has been posting signs outside its doors since the 1920s but it was when Arthur (Elliot, the publican of the Broadway Hotel) decided to reply to one in 1985 that the battle of the wordsmiths began. > > … > “Jesus bowled over death” was met with “And Lillee bowled overarm[sup]1[/sup]”. > … > “This church is only for sinners” was met with “This pub is only for drinkers”. > … > “Money does not make you happy” led to “I’d rather be rich and happy than poor and happy”. > … > “He’ll be back” was met with “When?”. > > …“God bless you and farewell Arthur[sup]2[/sup],” the sign said. “Now who will we have to argue with?,” was in smaller writing. “To the Rev. It’s been nice know’n yer! Arthur,” was the reply. Arthur’s daughter was married in the church in 1992. [sup]1[/sup]A reference to a famous Australian cricketer. [sup]2[/sup]On the day the pub closed down in 1997. ---
**Author:** ![Philosophocles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b38774/32.png) [@Philosophocles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philosophocles)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/5 "2002-11-08T03:59:39Z")
Painted on the steps in front of Traveler’s Rest Baptist Church in Baltimore: “No sitting on the steps” (They have long since painted over those words, and the church is now called Traveler’s Rest Bible Church.) ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 4:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/6 "2002-11-08T04:19:11Z")
For the past two weeks the sign on one of the local churches has read > [@](#): > > Gambling is theft by mutual consent Uh, yeah. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 4:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/7 "2002-11-08T04:56:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by airdisc \* > \*\*Seen in North Carolina in 2001 (sorry I can’t be more specific): > > “Jesus: All your sin are belong to me.” \*\* Bet you a teenager set that one up. It’s the kind of thing I’d do, even if the whole All Your Base thing is tiredly overdone. ---
**Author:** ![Critical1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@Critical1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Critical1)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/8 "2002-11-08T05:22:55Z")
“My mind is open to all possibility” yeah right, I acctually went home and got my camera when I saw that. ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/9 "2002-11-08T06:38:40Z")
_“Sign Broken. Message inside Sunday.”_ :rolleyes: _“An atheist is a person with no invisible means of support.”_ Not on a church, but on a tire store right next to a church with similar “witty” signs. If I got a flat right in front of that store, I’d pay the $50 to get towed somewhere else rather than have those bastards sell me a new tire. _“God saved us from the hurricane!”_ Then who _made_ the hurricane? _“Never to bad to come to church. Never to good to stay home.”_ Never **too** good to pass 6th grade English. If you really want a lot of these signs to laugh at, take a vacation down South sometime. They’re fucking everywhere! Once one church posts a mildly amusing one, three or four other churchs will have ripped it off within a week. ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/10 "2002-11-08T07:34:20Z")
Seen on the animated marquee of a seemingly fundy (and prosperous) church on the interstate in Tulsa, OK prior to the OU-Texas game… A longhorn \ Is only a cow \ When its horns are removed… (Segue to a display of the Oklahoma University logo (interlocking O and U, kinda like Yankees or Mets) and the Texas Longhorns logo (head-on silhouette of a cattle head w/ horns). An animation ensued; the OU logo came scrolling across the board and collided with the UT logo, knocking the horns off the UT logo. 😕 Whatever the hell happened to “Love thy Neighbor”? Testament ( 😃 ) to the phenomenon of Football as Religion in Oklahoma. ---
**Author:** ![RexDart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b77776/32.png) [@RexDart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RexDart)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/11 "2002-11-08T09:24:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by airdisc \* > \*\*Seen in North Carolina in 2001 (sorry I can’t be more specific): > > “Jesus: All your sin are belong to me.” \*\* Thank you for my first genuine laugh of the day (even if it is only 3 hours and 16 minutes into the day.) Nothing more amusing than tired cliches forced into weird surroundings. For some reason, I simply never tire of them. By the time they aren’t cool anymore, they’re retro. So bring on the Admiral Ackbar photoshops, [www.somethingawful.com](http://www.somethingawful.com), I dare you! ---
**Author:** ![Elenfair](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cc9497/32.png) [@Elenfair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elenfair)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/12 "2002-11-08T13:12:11Z")
Oh, I love the sign we had in front of some “box store” church on St. Joseph boulevard, Orleans, Ontario: “Nails didn’t hold Jesus to the cross: Love did.” Really. Way up there with the one that followed: “A sunrise is god’s way to tell the world to lighten up.” Oh yeah. I really died laughing. Can’t you tell? ---
**Author:** ![Chanteuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de053/32.png) [@Chanteuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chanteuse)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/13 "2002-11-08T14:59:27Z")
I am a religious person and I still have to roll my eyes at some of the signs I see on church marquees. I’ve seen some that are kinda cute and some that are just plain silly, but one I saw the other day had me going 😕. It said simply that “a snake on the windshield is a windshield viper.” I get the joke (groan), but what has it got to do with ANYTHING, much less religion? ---
**Author:** ![Velma](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/85e7bf/32.png) [@Velma](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velma)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/14 "2002-11-08T16:23:59Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by neutron star \* > \*\*_“Sign Broken. Message inside Sunday.”_ :rolleyes: > > \*\* A church I pass on my way to work has this one too, only the sign really is broken. It looks like someone threw a rock through it.🙂 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/15 "2002-11-08T16:28:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by asterion \* > \*\*Bet you a teenager set that one up. \*\* The bomb. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 5:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/16 "2002-11-08T17:24:05Z")
“When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right.” No shit. “Faith is like fishing for Moby Dick with tarter sauce.” I’d rather use Jonah. ---
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/17 "2002-11-08T17:44:46Z")
> [@](#): > > So bring on the Admiral Ackbar photoshops, [www.somethingawful.com](http://www.somethingawful.com), I dare you! “Sin: It’s a trap!” ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/18 "2002-11-08T19:38:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\* > > The bomb. \*\* What you say? Okay, I think that’s quite enough of that. ---
**Author:** ![Zazie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Zazie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zazie)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/19 "2002-11-08T19:47:31Z")
Oh, I am so glad i found this thread. There is a church right next to my home. I drive by it every evening coming from work. The sign has a different saying every week. This week : " A lot a forbidden fruits create many jams" Last week (my favorite) : “God answers knee-mail” Before : “don’t wait for four strong men to carry you to church” (not a bad one!) Geez, I forgot the rest, but I get a big laugh every day I drive by… ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2002, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786/20 "2002-11-08T20:16:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*“When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out all right.” > > No shit. > “Faith is like fishing for Moby Dick with tarter sauce.” > > I’d rather use Jonah. \*\* **lieu** , you are a genius. Thanks for the hysterical laughter. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-stupid-church-signs/135786.md?page=2)