# More twisted nursery rhymes **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 26, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-twisted-nursery-rhymes/337275 "2005-12-26T19:29:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 5\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![BrainGlutton](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@BrainGlutton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrainGlutton)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2005, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-twisted-nursery-rhymes/337275/1 "2005-12-26T19:29:12Z")
(Sequel to this thread: [http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=314160](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=314160)) Old King Cole Was a merry old soul, And a merry old soul was he! He called for his pipe And he called for his bowl And got high as a bird in a tree! Hark, hark, the dogs do bark, The beggars are coming to town! The smell of one would make you yark But for pennies he’ll go down! Peter, Peter, pumpkin eater, Had wife but couldn’t keep her He took a whore to a cheap motel And told his wife to go to Hell! See-saw, Marjorie Daw, Dobbin shall have a new master Who’ll chain him and punish the least little flaw By flogging him faster and faster! There was a jolly pusher Worked by the Tappan Zee His wares were always quite the bomb, The kids would all agree! And this the burden of his song Forever used to be: "Come one, come all, and kick the gong! “The first hit’s always free!” Hi-diddle-diddle, the cat and the fiddle, The cow jumped over the moon If you dig it now, just drop one more tab And you’ll be floating like a balloon! Bobby Shaftoe went to sea Captain’s cabin boy was he Brought the captain so much glee Pretty Bobby Shaftoe! What are little boys made of? What are little boys made of? Come into the barn, little girl, and you’ll see Just what little boys are made of! Rub-a-dub-dub Three men in a tub And they all had plenty to share! The gymnast, the skater, the room decorator – They pleasured each other from poles to equator 'Twas enough to make Jesse Helms stare! Higglety, pigglety, my black hen She lays down with gentlemen Gentry pay me every day Down with my black bitch to lay Sometimes nine, and sometimes ten Higgling, piggling, my black hen Do you know McGuffin Man? McGuffin Man, McGuffin Man? Do you know McGuffin Man, Who lives on Drury Lane? He’s chasing down a Maltese bird A magic ring, a phoenix turd, And every plot device that soothes A lazy writer’s brain Fiddle de dee, fiddle de dee The fly has married the bumblebee The race-mixing shits soon hung from a tree We keep our bloodlines pure as can be! I do not love thee, Dr. Fell The charts mixed up, now I’m a belle And on the street my ass I sell I do not love thee, Dr. Fell Little King Pippin, he built a great hall Pie-crust and pastry-crust, that was the wall The birds and the cockroaches turned his hall brown And his mad, inbred dynasty came tumbling down! One moisty, misty morning, When cloudy was the weather, I chanced to meet an old man Clothed all in leather He offered me some candy, Rubbed his balls against my chin, Saying, “Take it all, bitch!” And “Take it all, bitch!” And “Take it all, bitch” again! Got any? 🙂 Look here for source material: [http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nursery\_rhyme](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nursery_rhyme) ---
**Author:** ![Horatio\_Hellpop](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Horatio\_Hellpop](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Horatio_Hellpop)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-twisted-nursery-rhymes/337275/2 "2005-12-26T19:44:21Z")
Two from **Uncle Fegg’s NASTY Book of Knowledge** (a Monty Python spinoff project): Simple Simon Met a Pieman Selling Poisoned Pies Said the Pieman “Why not try one?” (Brushing off the flies) Said Simple Simon, “Than you, pieman!” And died, to his surprise. Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water Jack fell down but grabbed Jill as he fell Jack was alright, but they foud Jill at the bottom of the quarry a few days later ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-twisted-nursery-rhymes/337275/3 "2005-12-26T19:56:12Z")
Mary had a little lamb, some peas and carrots too. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2005, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-twisted-nursery-rhymes/337275/4 "2005-12-26T22:14:20Z")
Two I recall from middle school: Jack and Jill went up the hill To have a little fun Jill forgot to take the pill Now they have a son Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch a pail of water They decided to have a bit of fun Now they have a daughter And there’s also: Mary had a little lamb She also had a bear And everywhere that Mary went You could see her bear behind. ---
**Author:** ![Good\_Egg](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/96bed5/32.png) [@Good\_Egg](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Good_Egg)\ **Post date:** [December 26, 2005, 10:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-twisted-nursery-rhymes/337275/5 "2005-12-26T22:30:02Z")
Mad Magazine used to have the BEST rhymes.