# More wedding rudeness **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877 "2008-11-15T17:18:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/61 "2008-11-17T00:33:22Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Oh, please do send a card. Here’s a poem to put in it: > > _Congratulations on the rites > That will precede your night of nights > (Let’s ditch this angle. TMI > Won’t cause your joy to multiply). > Thank you so much for asking us > To see you off on the “Nuptial Bus.” > Please pass along my compliments > To all who’ve helped you to commence > Your life together with this 'do, > But I’m concerned. I worry you > Are prompted by your wedding planners > To, shall we say, neglect good manners. > The card found in your invitation > In lieu of a store registration > Appeared to be solicitation > For cash! Of course my consternation > Has left me wondering what to do > To help commemorate you two > As you begin your wedded bliss > And suddenly I thought of this: > I’ll donate money in your name > To the Heifer Project (in their game > A bit of livestock for work or feed > Will go to a family in dire need). > I’ll do just this and then I’ll nevah > Think of you as a rude Heffah!_ I shall now commence to build a shrine to you. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/62 "2008-11-17T00:43:20Z")
1. You know you’re in trouble when the entrance door has an electronic card reader for bank or credit cards. 2. You know you’re in trouble when they call in dance requests to the radio station because they have a radio on instead of a DJ or band. 3. You know your in trouble when you smell pig shit getting out of the car. 4. You know you’re in trouble when the wedding party makes out at the head table. 5. You know you’re in trouble when the invitation says bring your own plates and silverware. I have received one such invitation and didn’t attend. 6. You know you’re in trouble when the place is decorated in helium condoms. 7. You know you’re in trouble when you find out the reception you went to is the wrong one, and yours is the one in a dive bar. If we give these people the present can we stay please? I’ve experienced this one. 8. You know you’re in trouble when the event is held on a cargo plane circling a volcano. That one’s just silly or is it? 9. You know you’re in trouble when the bride and groom sleep with somebody else during the reception. I’ve experienced this one. I can see why I’ve gotten to hate weddings on reflection. 10. You know you’re in trouble when you see the cops outside taking people away before you even attend. ---
**Author:** ![Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Springtime\_for\_Spacers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Springtime_for_Spacers)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/63 "2008-11-17T00:56:54Z")
The one that caused trouble in my circle – a request for IKEA vouchers. Which can only be bought at their stores, and we don’t have a branch in our city. ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/64 "2008-11-17T01:38:20Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > No, that is simply not true. In my defense of the bridal couple, I was unfair; there are reasonable places. And I was referring to neighbors and more distant relatives about invitations. I think it’s kind of tacky to view an invitation as a crass attempt to chisel a gift. Thank notes, though, are sacrosanct; remember, unless the event is a wedding in your sixties, you are probably going to have other important events in your life that others would like to recognize. A neglected thank you note hurts, and leaves people less likely to recognize later events. That would be you, old friends’ child who just graduated from high-school. Save the stamp for the invitation to the college and grad school party, and the wedding, and the christening. That endorsement on the back of the check (which had my address on it) does not qualify as a thank you note. ---
**Author:** ![Blue\_Mood](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac91a4/32.png) [@Blue\_Mood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blue_Mood)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/65 "2008-11-17T03:21:22Z")
> [@Hello\_Again](#): > > As for the OP, well, clearly the message was crass, but I think its a bit much to have the equivalent of a storm-off (_I wouldn’t attend a wedding where people were so crass!_) unless you honestly don’t like the people, don’t have the time, or don’t think you’d have fun. … because putting breached social rules above a relationship is not gracious or good etiquette. > > That doesn’t mean you have to obey their dumb little rhyme - a gift is never mandatory at a wedding. It’s an invitation, not a subpoena. Agreed. ---
**Author:** ![Hometownboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/5e9695/32.png) [@Hometownboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hometownboy)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/66 "2008-11-17T03:32:32Z")
As mentioned above, weddings do not have to be expensive to be good. I’ve been married twice. (Lost my first wife 12 years ago tomorrow). Both weddings were outdoors in parks. The first one, in 1972 cost less than $200. The second, in 1998, was about half that (and very small; just a dozen family members). Had 24 years with my late wife; just celebrated 10 years with my wife. My daughter was married last year; we gave her $1,000 for the event, and she managed to cover it all and use part of the money for the honeymoon. The only important part of the ceremony is the love. ---
**Author:** ![quilter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/839c29/32.png) [@quilter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/quilter)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/67 "2008-11-17T03:47:08Z")
> [@j666](#): > > Thank notes, though, are sacrosanct; remember, unless the event is a wedding in your sixties, you are probably going to have other important events in your life that others would like to recognize. A neglected thank you note hurts, and leaves people less likely to recognize later events. I’m with you. The first of my family’s next generation got married early in August. It’s now half-way through November. If I don’t see a “thank you for the wedding present” note before a baby shower/announcement (not that there’s any indication I should expect one soon), my sense of familial obligation will be greatly reduced. If you want presents to continue, it’s wise to say “thank you”. ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/68 "2008-11-17T05:26:05Z")
By the way, I couldn’t have gone to the wedding anyway - had to work. So it wasn’t really a consideration. ---
**Author:** ![Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bites_when_provoked/32/18073_2.png) [@Bites\_When\_Provoked](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bites_When_Provoked)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/69 "2008-11-17T13:30:52Z")
> [@Chez\_Guevara](#): > > Your invitation fails to enthrall, > 'cos you have the gall, > To ask for money instead of a shawl, > Or something else I can get at the mall. > This is a judgement call, > I’m not coming - please have a ball, > But you’re getting fuck all. Next time I receive a wedding invitation with the OP’s poem in it (I was ‘charmed’ to receive it as part of an invitation to a co-worker’s wedding this year. A co-worker I barely know, but who apparently had to ‘make up numbers’ to make her reception cost-effective’) I shall be SURE to include this as my ‘thank you, but no’ response. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![MissTake](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/misstake/32/3189_2.png) [@MissTake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MissTake)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/70 "2008-11-17T15:12:03Z")
My nephew and his (now) wife had been living together with her child from a previous relationship and their child for almost a year before getting married. That did not stop them from going nuts with the wedding registries: Hunting and fishing equipment Childrens’ toys A $1500 grill Furniture She requested a new Coach purse They did have pots and pans listed, which is a normal request - if my sister hadn’t just given them her entire set of pots and pans less than 6 months prior and they were in next to new condition. When asked why they wanted new pots and pans the neice said “Hey, why should we have hand-me-downs?”. We ended up giving them gift cards to various restaurants. ---
**Author:** ![irishgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@irishgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/irishgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/71 "2008-11-17T15:28:44Z")
I know one, very lovely, Philipino couple who managed to ask for cash graciously. They didn’t put anything in the invitation to the wedding, but if anyone asked what they wanted, they said “we’re moving home afterwards for the other ceremony and to set up home and we like to travel light.” Now, all of us interpreted this to mean cash…but they never actually asked for it! ---
**Author:** ![Zsofia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/7bcc69/32.png) [@Zsofia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zsofia)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/72 "2008-11-17T15:34:05Z")
> [@irishgirl](#): > > I know one, very lovely, Philipino couple who managed to ask for cash graciously. > > They didn’t put anything in the invitation to the wedding, but if anyone asked what they wanted, they said “we’re moving home afterwards for the other ceremony and to set up home and we like to travel light.” > Now, all of us interpreted this to mean cash…but they never actually asked for it! That’s not ASKING for cash, that’s politely hinting when people are kindly asking what you need that what you need is, you know, cash. That’s how it’s done. ---
**Author:** ![Jelly\_Roll](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/8e7dd6/32.png) [@Jelly\_Roll](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jelly_Roll)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 9:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/73 "2008-11-17T21:31:11Z")
People get engaged and lose their fucking minds. And by “people” I mean women. I’m a girl, btw, and it even irritates me. I already did a mini-rant on this, but my friend, who is 31 years old and has been living with her boyfriend (now fiance) for 4 or 5 years has registered for the most outrageous crap. $900 serving platter. $200 creamer. And they also registered for “help” with the honeymoon. I think that is just the rudest request ever. Pay for your own honeymoon or don’t go! Regarding registry information-IMHO, I don’t think it’s rude to include regisistry information in a shower invitation because (i) the invite isn’t coming from the bride or her family (or shouldn’t be) and (ii) let’s face it-gifts are expected at the shower. But the registry info should never be included with the invitation. ---
**Author:** ![hawksgirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ed655f/32.png) [@hawksgirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hawksgirl)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 10:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/74 "2008-11-17T22:45:41Z")
Re: Thank you notes I always HATED writing thank you notes as a kid. As a teen I stopped doing them (read: my mom stopped harping me about them). She did make me write notes for my HS grad gifts. I graduated college this year, picked out and sent my announcements **and** thank you cards. I guess I finally matured and got the point that _they don’t have to give me money or presents_. Maybe some people never get there. ---
**Author:** ![Siam\_Sam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/d78d45/32.png) [@Siam\_Sam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Siam_Sam)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2008, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/75 "2008-11-17T23:11:12Z")
> [@Jelly\_Roll](#): > > And they also registered for “help” with the honeymoon. What, you mean like Viagra? ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/76 "2008-11-18T16:25:21Z")
Is this whole thread just leading up to today’s _Dear Abby_? Man and wife are invited to distant relative’s daughter’s wedding, send gift and show up at church. The minister says, "Do you, Steve . . . \*Steve? \* The bridegroom’s name is supposed to be _Dave_. But no! It seems that Dave backed out weeks before and, rather than canceling the ceremony and losing the deposits and – horrors – giving back the gifts, the bride simply proposed to a friend who accepted because he “wasn’t doing anything else this weekend.” The marriage lasted three weeks. The bride kept the gifts. Abby’s correspondent wanted to know if he was justified in feeling astounded. His wife thought it was “no big deal.” Abby ruled for the husband and said shame on the minister, too. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 4:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/77 "2008-11-18T16:40:35Z")
> [@Sigmagirl](#): > > Is this whole thread just leading up to today’s _Dear Abby_? Man and wife are invited to distant relative’s daughter’s wedding, send gift and show up at church. The minister says, "Do you, Steve . . . > > \*Steve? \* > > The bridegroom’s name is supposed to be _Dave_. But no! It seems that Dave backed out weeks before and, rather than canceling the ceremony and losing the deposits and – horrors – giving back the gifts, the bride simply proposed to a friend who accepted because he “wasn’t doing anything else this weekend.” The marriage lasted three weeks. The bride kept the gifts. > > Abby’s correspondent wanted to know if he was justified in feeling astounded. His wife thought it was “no big deal.” > > Abby ruled for the husband and said shame on the minister, too. It’s a good thing we are not letting gays destroy the institution of marriage.:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![SaharaTea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SaharaTea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SaharaTea)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/78 "2008-11-18T16:45:04Z")
> [@Jelly\_Roll](#): > > I already did a mini-rant on this, but my friend, who is 31 years old and has been living with her boyfriend (now fiance) for 4 or 5 years has registered for the most outrageous crap. $900 serving platter. $200 creamer. And they also registered for “help” with the honeymoon. I think that is just the rudest request ever. Pay for your own honeymoon or don’t go! I agree. Honeymoon registries are becoming more and more popular. When I was planning my wedding last year there was a big divide between brides who thought it was outrageously tacky and brides who thought it was a good idea. It’s still important to remember the registry is just a guide. You’re not obligated to buy off it. Some of the best gifts we received were people who got creative. Don’t feel like being creative? You can never go wrong with cash. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 5:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/79 "2008-11-18T17:27:39Z")
On the other hand, too creative . . . we registered because people asked us to; I had a houseful of stuff that I inherited, so we didn’t need much. But people called us to ask where we were registered, so we went and registered for a few modest items because we knew people would want to get us gifts. We got five, count 'em five, picnic baskets. How many did we register for? That’d be zero. What is it about us that makes people think – hey, they look like people who go on picnics? In the meantime – towels? You asked us to register – so, towels? I use one for sewing supplies, one for magazines, one for dog gear, one just sits in the attic, and one we do take on car trips for snacks. That’s as close to picnics as we get. And a couple of years ago we got a picnic basket for Christmas. ---
**Author:** ![kittenblue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ba8739/32.png) [@kittenblue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kittenblue)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 5:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/80 "2008-11-18T17:50:55Z")
> [@Sigmagirl](#): > > We got five, count 'em five, picnic baskets. How many did we register for? That’d be zero. … > I use one for sewing supplies, one for magazines, one for dog gear, one just sits in the attic, and one we do take on car trips for snacks. That’s as close to picnics as we get. And a couple of years ago we got a picnic basket for Christmas. See how useful they are? You probably use them more than any other gift you got! LOL. I say that because one of my standard wedding gifts is a picnic basket. I’ve used the one I got for my wedding for almost 30 years now…it lasted longer than the marriage. Do I go on picnics in the woods, sitting on the ground? No…but I use it when we go to church potlucks, day trips to the butterfly sanctuary…any time I need to carry things that need a bit more protection than a totebag, but don’t need to be in a cooler. It’s one of those things you really miss when you don’t have it up in the attic, waiting. I don’t mind the etiquette breach of sending registry cards in the invitation, since with many of the weddings I get invited to I have no idea who the parents or the attendants are to call…I’d have to ask the bride for that information, and I find it rude to ask someone directly, “What do you need for a wedding present?” But asking for cash, or telling people to ONLY buy stuff from the gift registry…or to be registered in numerous places…that triggers my “picnic-basket/ice cream maker” gift faster than anything! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877.md?page=5)