# More wedding rudeness **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877 "2008-11-15T17:18:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/81 "2008-11-18T18:08:18Z")
FWIW, you can go to [weddingchannel.com](http://weddingchannel.com) and search registries by last name of bride or groom. It’s not a complete list, but the department stores and better box stores always seem to show up. I don’t find it odd when people put $500+ items on the registry, I just assume one half is from one of those huge families who literally throw cash around at weddings. But I had a friend who got married recently, during planning he mentioned setting up a fund so people could “go in” for a widescreen TV and asked what we thought of the idea. Everyone at the table laughed at him (we’re an honest bunch), in the end he nixed the plan. ---
**Author:** ![Harmonious\_Discord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/74df32/32.png) [@Harmonious\_Discord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harmonious_Discord)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/82 "2008-11-18T18:24:53Z")
I was in a store waiting for somebody to make a payment. I browsed the registry and there were people in there from 2000. What idiots run that store? I’m sure a few of them have divorced and remarried in that time. Try purging the entries that are 6 months past the wedding date. Do you want those lists still out there after the wedding so people can decide if they need to steal from you? ---
**Author:** ![Hello\_Again](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/85e7bf/32.png) [@Hello\_Again](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hello_Again)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/83 "2008-11-18T18:30:10Z")
> [@kittenblue](#): > > I don’t mind the etiquette breach of sending registry cards in the invitation, since with many of the weddings I get invited to I have no idea who the parents or the attendants are to call…I’d have to ask the bride for that information, and I find it rude to ask someone directly, “What do you need for a wedding present?” About 90% of people who do register, are registered at one or more of the following: Macy’s Bed Bath & Beyond Target Williams-Sonoma A simple last-name lookup and problem solved! Macy’s is the traditional choice, but BB&B seems to me the most common - it is popular for its ubiquity, selection, and extremely liberal returns policy. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/84 "2008-11-18T18:45:45Z")
We’re lucky this way in Canada - if a couple is registered, they’re registered at The Bay, and everyone knows it. ETA: I mean, everyone knows to look at The Bay for registries, not that everyone knows that you’re registered. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 6:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/85 "2008-11-18T18:50:56Z")
Now I want a picnic basket. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/86 "2008-11-18T20:40:00Z")
I swear to fuckin’ God, after all the wedding drama and Bridezillas I’ve seen, I’m having a hippie wedding, and my invitations are going to be emails. My bridesmaids can pick out any dress they want, as long as they’re all blue or pink or whatever. Everyone can be barefoot. It’s not worth the stress and money. ---
**Author:** ![Hypno-Toad](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b2d939/32.png) [@Hypno-Toad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hypno-Toad)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 9:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/87 "2008-11-18T21:11:55Z")
> [@Typo\_Knig](#): > > Good manners seem to be another casualty of the wedding-industrial complex. It was toxins from the Wedding-Industrial Complex that created Bridezilla. This thread makes me happy that I’ve spent my life sharpening my misanthropic skills. ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/88 "2008-11-18T21:18:07Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Now I want a picnic basket. Come pick one of my SIX. ---
**Author:** ![Palo\_Verde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/65b543/32.png) [@Palo\_Verde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palo_Verde)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/89 "2008-11-18T21:25:42Z")
This thread makes me happy that we eloped. No wedding hassels. No invitations. No insanity. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/90 "2008-11-18T21:46:58Z")
I have to disagree with most of this thread. - If I am invited to a wedding, my expectation is that I will be bringing a present, even if both members of the couple have each been married before. If you’re registered somewhere, just tell me along with the invitation, OK? I don’t want to have to track down your mother’s phone number just to get the name of the store. - If you don’t want presents, but you want cash, then that’s fine with me. I was going to buy a present, but I’m just as happy giving you the money I would have spent on a present. Similarly to the registry information, you can put that request in the wedding invitation. - If I give someone a present in person, I don’t need a thank you card. If I send a box through snail mail or send some gift certificate via e-mail, I don’t need a thank you card either, just let me know that you got it, next time you see me, so I don’t have to wonder if the e-mail got caught in your spam filter or Joe the mailman added the Lego spaceship to his collection. ---
**Author:** ![yojimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yojimbo/32/232_2.png) [@yojimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yojimbo)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/91 "2008-11-18T22:26:50Z")
Most of the weddings I’ve gone to have done the cash presents thing. Less hassle for me. I was going to spend the money anyway so I really don’t see the difference. ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/92 "2008-11-18T22:38:46Z")
> [@j666](#): > > No, registering is always a very nice gesture to the guests; you can register for donations to charities or pictures frames or gourmet jams and flour. People like to give gifts; suggesting charming tokens is helpful. I thought the deal was that it’s okay to register, but NOT to put a registry card in the invitation because that’s dickish. And if you want to bring a gift you contact the mother of the bride who will steer you toward the registry. In our case, we’re not registering anywhere and we’re telling both our parents, best man and maid of honor that if they have to field any gift questions, the answer should be “No they are not registered, but if you’d like to make a donation to a charity of your choice…” ---
**Author:** ![Cluricaun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bb73d2/32.png) [@Cluricaun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cluricaun)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 10:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/93 "2008-11-18T22:58:34Z")
> [@Arnold\_Winkelried](#): > > Joe the mailman added the Lego spaceship to his collection. You give Lego spaceships for wedding presents? You are totally being invited to my wedding. Actually, my dream for our wedding is to pay for the whole thing myself without asking my parents or her parents for a dime, and then to refuse all gifts as well. Something along the lines of “Your attendance is all that is requested at this event. Please do not gift us with anything more.” Anyone showing up with an envelope will be directed to hand it over to the bar staff. Sadly, my girlfriend’s sister went $40k bonkers on her wedding and her parents paid for most of it and she insists that we do the same, so that wedding is still a while off. Personally I’d rather retain her father’s respect by keeping my hands out of his pockets and keep them in hers where they belong. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Swallowed_My_Cellphone)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 11:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/94 "2008-11-18T23:06:17Z")
::raises hand:: I have a question. A buddy of mine got married over the summer, and it was all tasteful, nothing crass (no money dance, no money tree, no garter toss, no cake slamming), and it was fun. Tactful inivitations, prompt thank you letters, it was all very grown-up. The one aspect where they did kind of get stuck though was the registry. For two reasons: 1) they’d been living together and have everything they need 2) their parents were dead, so no one could ask the parents about a registry. They didn’t want to register anywhere, but they were afraid the guests might get gifts they don’t need or have room for. So to deal with it, they begrudgingly included a registry card in with the invitations. But then when you viewed the registry, all items in the were goofy and cost only $20 - $30. So in a weird way they’d made it clear that no one was really expected to shell out for a gift while still fulfilling everyone’s expectations and not having anyone fret\* over what to do. But anyway, **the question** : In such a case, when both sets of parents are dead, who are you supposed to call to find out if there’s a registry? Do the happy couple have RSVPs go to the maid of honor and/or best man so they can field the gift questions? I can’t believe I actually wrote “fret”. I don’t think that’s ever happened before. ---
**Author:** ![Cherry2000](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/59ef9b/32.png) [@Cherry2000](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cherry2000)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/95 "2008-11-18T23:22:48Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > Translation: We’ve been fucking a while and do not need a toaster. My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 years, and if we ever decide we want to get married, I am SO going to put this on the invitations 😉 ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [November 18, 2008, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/96 "2008-11-18T23:40:40Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > I thought the deal was that it’s okay to register, but NOT to put a registry card in the invitation because that’s dickish. > In our case, we’re not registering anywhere and we’re telling both our parents, best man and maid of honor that if they have to field any gift questions, the answer should be “No they are not registered, but if you’d like to make a donation to a charity of your choice…” Some people think registering for anything is tacky; something registering should be reserved for your china, silver, and crystal (these people can afford to give sterling silver flatware); everyone, except Arnold, thinks registry cards in the invitation are tacky. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/97 "2008-11-19T00:26:33Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > But anyway, **the question** : In such a case, when both sets of parents are dead, who are you supposed to call to find out if there’s a registry? Do the happy couple have RSVPs go to the maid of honor and/or best man so they can field the gift questions? In such a case I would have contacted the maid/matron of honor. In this case, I think the B&G could have created a website with information such as directions and also included registry information. Not a great answer for the elderly computer-illiterate auntie, but the best I have right now. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/98 "2008-11-19T19:47:29Z")
> [@j666](#): > > everyone, except Arnold, thinks registry cards in the invitation are tacky. I just don’t see the need to complicate the transaction. How about a postscript that says “You and I both know that a present is traditional, but instead of having the information conveniently available for you, I’ll make you jump through hoops and try to figure out the phone number of some person you’ve never met so that you can find out what to give us.” That’s how I feel about this whole coy business of obfuscating the registry information. Disclaimer: on our invitations we printed the URL of a website and the website had a link to our registry information. Maybe that’s tacky, I don’t know. I would have just put the registry information as an addendum but this was voted down. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/99 "2008-11-19T19:48:44Z")
> [@Cluricaun](#): > > You give Lego spaceships for wedding presents? You are totally being invited to my wedding. Only if it’s on the registry! ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2008, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/100 "2008-11-19T20:09:19Z")
I always give a variety of picture frames. I also always include a gift sticker or receipt. Brides love picture frames–and seriously, we all need them. I’ll look into a LEGO picture frame for the next wedding I’m invited to. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877.md?page=6)