# More wedding rudeness **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 15, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877 "2008-11-15T17:18:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/141 "2008-11-21T20:36:14Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > But thanks for the support everyone. Pretty much everyone close to us who’ve ehard are supportive, there are just a couple people who think it’s downright awful for the bride to be in anything other than a dress. Just tell them that it’s the 20th century now. Having gone through a variety of weddings, including my own a long time ago and my daughter’s more recently, I think there are only a few unbreakable rules for weddings: (1) The couple has to get married; (2) Everyone invited should have fun. Pretty well everything else is optional, as long as you obey rule (2). ---
**Author:** ![Katriona](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/katriona/32/113_2.png) [@Katriona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katriona)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/142 "2008-11-21T21:23:59Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > But… that’s what _I_ was gonna wear. > > Oh, I forgot to say that the outfit we were looking at was like #3 but without the part that looks like it’s trying to be half of a skirt. It was hard to find something quickly in a Google search. Here, the outfit we like best so far is almost identical [to this but in white(ish)](http://weddingdressesforsaleonline.com/se/86110.jpg). > > But thanks for the support everyone. Pretty much everyone close to us who’ve ehard are supportive, there are just a couple people who think it’s downright awful for the bride to be in anything other than a dress. Yeah, my in-laws still don’t think we’re “really” married because my dress was ivory instead of white-white. Weddings just bring out the crazy. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/143 "2008-11-21T22:05:27Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > … but an aunt (known for being an uptight wingnut) and one of her co-workers are acting like it’s the end of the world. Is it actually some major faux-pas? Will anyone (wingnut aside and she isn’t invited anyway) care? Your guests will find it interesting and talk about it for a while, and then everyone will forget. Most people have an idea in their heads of what a wedding should look like, and “woman in poofy white dress” is usually part of that picture. But there’s no reason to buy and wear something you hate, and makes you look like a person you don’t want to be. Be prepared for lots of “she’s wearing the pants already!” unhumor. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 10:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/144 "2008-11-21T22:05:56Z")
> [@Katriona](#): > > Yeah, my in-laws still don’t think we’re “really” married because my dress was ivory instead of white-white. WT_F?_ I’ve been to places where it wasn’t certain that participants would be wearing _clothes_, let alone wearing the proper shade of white. Weddings are defined by the newlyweds celebrating their union in front of witnesses assembled, not by some fashion tyrant stuck in the eighteenth century. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/145 "2008-11-21T22:12:50Z")
I think a nice bridal pantsuit is just fine. My one regret about my wedding is that I didn’t really like my wedding dress; if I had it to do over, I’d find something that suited me better. I’ve heard somewhere (maybe it was on the Dope) that cake smashing is directly related to how the actual marriage goes - violent cake-smashing seems to end in divorce. The only one who got cake smashed in their face was my husband, done by his best man. I’m not sure what that means. 🙂 (According to the Catholic church, my husband isn’t married, either. They don’t care about a heathen like me.) ---
**Author:** ![Catamount](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/catamount/32/2840_2.png) [@Catamount](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Catamount)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/146 "2008-11-21T22:26:42Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > Just tell them that it’s the 20th century now. And once they get used to the bride wearing pants, then we spring the 21st century on them when naked weddings are the norm. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![sugar\_and\_spice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e8c25b/32.png) [@sugar\_and\_spice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sugar_and_spice)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/147 "2008-11-21T23:12:08Z")
> [@Zsofia](#): > > I like the first two best. I think they’re awesome. Of course it’s not some major faux-pas - it’s not like she’s telling the guests to show up in white tie and then she slouches down the aisle in her Guns N’Roses Appetite for Destruction World Tour t-shirt and cutoffs. It’s perfectly appropriate to wear something she feels comfortable in that fits the formality of the occasion - those suits are perfectly bridal. (But 1 or 2! I like them much better than the “sort of pants” 3. They’re so sharp!) Yes, totally agree with “comfortable”+“fits the formality of the wedding”. IMHO decisions are only bad form when they are inconsiderate of the guests and (if applicable) church and event staff. The fun comes in when we bicker over what exactly is or is not inconsiderate, but a pants outfit that would otherwise be appropriate for a formal event sounds universally harmless to me. I like the idea of the 2nd outfit you posted, the black one that would be in white(ish). ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 11:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/148 "2008-11-21T23:14:53Z")
> [@Swallowed\_My\_Cellphone](#): > > Here’s a question: Is it bad form for the bride to wear slacks? My fiancee hates skirts, as far as anyone remembers, the last time anyone was able to get her into a dress, she was six years old. She was thinking about getting something like the [third one down](http://what-a-wedding.blogspot.com/2007/12/bridal-style-pants.html) at this page, but one that has a jacket. It’s her wedding she should wear what she’s comfortable in. #3 on that page is very pretty. #1 looks like she’s about to attend a business meeting (and I can’t picture anyone under 50 wearing that, either). #2 is ok, but IMO that jacket doesn’t go with the pants well. ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2008, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/149 "2008-11-21T23:18:52Z")
> [@featherlou](#): > > I’ve heard somewhere (maybe it was on the Dope) that cake smashing is directly related to how the actual marriage goes - violent cake-smashing seems to end in divorce. The only one who got cake smashed in their face was my husband, done by his best man. I’m not sure what that means. 🙂 Well… is your husband married to his best man today? I think that answers the question. ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/150 "2008-11-24T14:15:05Z")
> [@SpazCat](#): > > > [@Giles](#): > > > > Just tell them that it’s the 20th century now. > > And once they get used to the bride wearing pants, then we spring the 21st century on them when naked weddings are the norm. 😃 God, I’m showing my age – my dementia means that I no longer know which century I’m in.:smack: ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/151 "2008-11-24T14:41:21Z")
> [@OpalCat](#): > > Well… is your husband married to his best man today? > > I think that answers the question. I bet there is a Bromance still going on. I always hated the cake smashing and the garter belt crap. Didn’t do either at our wedding, and it put a bee in alot of old people’s noses. ---
**Author:** ![thirdwarning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecccb3/32.png) [@thirdwarning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdwarning)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/152 "2008-11-24T16:32:45Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > God, I’m showing my age – my dementia means that I no longer know which century I’m in.:smack: I thought it was intentional, as in, they’ll still be that far behind the times. People will talk about what the bride wears, no matter what it is. She might as well wear something she likes, and she’ll actually look more like the happy bride she is if she wears something that’s in character for her. ---
**Author:** ![Sunspace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunspace/32/1250_2.png) [@Sunspace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunspace)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/153 "2008-11-24T16:56:45Z")
Ugh. I loathe the garter and the very idea of the cake-smashing, though I’m glad to say that I’ve never seen cake-smashing in person. I thought the cake-smashing was a relatively-new thing, though. Another loathsome thing is the mass clanking of spoons against glasses to signal the Happy Newlyweds to kiss. :: shudder :: ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/154 "2008-11-24T16:59:25Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I wouldn’t send or give them a dime. I’d either make a charitable donation in their name or not attend the wedding. If you don’t attend, no gift is “necessary” (no gift is ever necessary unless one is attending a shower). I thought one has a year to get the wedding gift to the couple. Is that true–I can’t attend a shower without a gift? Can it be a small gift, with the Wedding Gift to be delivered within the year? ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/155 "2008-11-24T16:59:44Z")
If it were me, I’d be tempted to mess with their heads. Your bride should wear any of the lovely suits you linked to and you should wear a dress. Ok, maybe too burlesque or vaudeville for you, but it would take all commentary off her… What is wrong with a nice white suit for a wedding? Let her wear whatever she wants that meets the formality of the occasion. Ivory means living in sin, eh? Who knew? Gosh, I’m glad I wore white! The white/ivory/cream dress tradition started in the Victorian era, so while it’s been with us for quite some time, it’s not like it came down to us from thousands of years ago. It’s my understanding that registry cards are ok in a shower invite, but a no-no in a wedding or reception invite. I also heartily dislike the cake-face stuff, the money dance, the garter nonsense and the wishing well. We didn’t have any of that and I hope my kids don’t. Actually, I hope my kids show some sense and have simple, quiet weddings that don’t break our bank or bankrupt their starts in life. [QUOTE=Arnold Winkfield] My wife doesn’t hate picture frames. I don’t either, we just have too damn many of them. The space taken up by all those picture frames would be much better employed to store some of my twenty-year collection of computer magazines, which are Priceless Historical Documents and I’m running out of room for them. [/QUOTE] Oh. **gigi**. Yes, you do have up to one year for a wedding gift (a dispensation I’ve only used once). According to Miss Manners (whom I tend to see the sense of), you must bring a gift to a shower. That’s the PURPOSE of the “shower” as someone else noted upthread. Now, that gift can be a note promising a future gift (I suppose), but that gift should then be something like a quilt you made yourself or that rocking chair you made in your woodworking shop in the garage etc. IOW, something you can’t run to the mall and get… ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 6:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/156 "2008-11-24T18:17:47Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > **gigi**. Yes, you do have up to one year for a wedding gift (a dispensation I’ve only used once). According to Miss Manners (whom I tend to see the sense of), you must bring a gift to a shower. That’s the PURPOSE of the “shower” as someone else noted upthread. Now, that gift can be a note promising a future gift (I suppose), but that gift should then be something like \*\*a quilt you made yourself \*\*or that rocking chair you made in your woodworking shop in the garage etc. IOW, something you can’t run to the mall and get… That’s my traditional gift for someone close to me. I guess I could bring fabric swatches to the shower. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/157 "2008-11-24T20:18:46Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > That’s my traditional gift for someone close to me. I guess I could bring fabric swatches to the shower. 😛 I want you as a friend. I admire and respect the skill and time it takes to do such things. Someday I’m going to take a quilting class and then make one for each of my kids. I learned how to knit (ok, one stitch) last year. I’m getting there! ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/158 "2008-11-24T20:56:55Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I learned how to knit (ok, one stitch) last year. I’m getting there! Heh. I learned to knit (literally, knit) many years ago from Mom. A couple of years ago a friend taught me to purl and whole worlds were opened up. Unfortunately those worlds were misshapen and mangled-looking so I will stick to the clean geometry of quilting! ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2008, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/159 "2008-11-24T20:59:31Z")
> [@eleanorigby](#): > > I learned how to knit (ok, one stitch) last year. I’m getting there! Hey, I only knit one stitch and crochet one stitch, and my scarves kick ass! Don’t let anybody tell one stitch isn’t enough! 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![OpalCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/8edcca/32.png) [@OpalCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OpalCat)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2008, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877/160 "2008-11-25T03:57:17Z")
> [@EJsGirl](#): > > Hey, I only knit one stitch and crochet one stitch, and my scarves kick ass! Don’t let anybody tell one stitch isn’t enough! 🆒 That would be a _really_ short scarf… 😛 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-wedding-rudeness/472877.md?page=9)