# More worthy of my bigoted contempt: Elves or Smurfs? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [August 14, 2015, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843 "2015-08-14T15:57:46Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 3:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/1 "2015-08-14T15:57:46Z")
Some weeks ago, at the behest of a Doper whose name I [del]forgot neglected[/del] couldn’t be arsed to write down, I gave my word as a votary of Athena to cease my slanders on, libels regarding, threats of violence to, and actual felonious assaults upon the Welsh save only their loxodontish Prince. I will of course be keeping my promise, but this presents me with a problem. I am, as everyone knows, a petty and contemptuous man full of vileness and hate, and my bigotry needs and outlet. In short I need somewhere to direct my loathing. I have narrowed the field down to two possibilities: Elves and Smurfs. Points against hating all Elves: [ul] [li]Galadriel.[/li][li]Orcrist and Glamdring.[/li][li]They make some nice cookies.[/li][li]Santa brought me a very nice bow & arrow set when I was ten even though my parents were opposed to the notion and thus I was able to kill my first racccoon before the deadline.[/li][/ul] Points in favor of hating all Elves: [ul] [li]Legolas.[/li][li]That archer dude who stank up the Fellowship.[/li][li]The son of Thranduil.[/li][li]Legolas.[/li][/ul] Points against hating all Smurfs: [ul] [li]They can be turned into gold with the proper alchemical training.[/li][li]Also pies, though thta requires baking rather than alchemy.[/li][li]They’re only three apples high and thus as easy to ignore as to step on.[/li][/ul] Points in favor of hating all Smurfs: [ul] [li]Clumsy.[/li][li]Brainy.[/li][li]Smurfette and, even more so, Sassette.[/li][li]In fact, the entire fricking village, except Handy, because he was awesome.[/li][/ul] I find myself unable to decide and thus turn to the Teeming Millions for advice and counsel. Should I concentrate my hatred on Elves or Smurfs (or split the difference, and dedicate myself to wiping out the Hobbits? ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/2 "2015-08-14T16:22:46Z")
[Another point against hating all Smurfs](http://www.themakeupgallery.info/images/character/role/cosplay/bigbangsmurf10.jpg). [Another point in favor of hating all Smurfs](https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a0/97/43/a0974378f98964f965d2a1eb469f83fa.jpg). I say hate all elves, they can be more readily ignored. ---
**Author:** ![stillownedbysetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/41988e/32.png) [@stillownedbysetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stillownedbysetters)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/3 "2015-08-14T16:24:22Z")
My setter pups were 6 and 4 when the Smurfs first rose to cartoon dominance. When asked if they wanted to watch the Smurfs, I received a sniff of disdain and a reply of “They are worse than My Little Pony.” For the uninitiated, My Little Ponies were cartoon ponies who were all sparkly and flowery and girly and far, far beneath the notice of two manly-males like my boys. In family loyalty, I, too, shall dismiss the Smurfs as unworthy and choose the Elves. Besides, having first read LOTR at age 11, I adored Galadriel. I wanted to be her when I grew up - wise, intuitive, powerful, and stunningly gorgeous. Inquiry: regarding your…err…disdain for Legolas. Is that movie Legolas you despise? or book Legolas? I rather liked book Legolas myself. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/4 "2015-08-14T16:30:14Z")
> [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > My setter pups were 6 and 4 when the Smurfs first rose to cartoon dominance. When asked if they wanted to watch the Smurfs, I received a sniff of disdain and a reply of “They are worse than My Little Pony.” For the uninitiated, My Little Ponies were cartoon ponies who were all sparkly and flowery and girly and far, far beneath the notice of two manly-males like my boys. > > In family loyalty, I, too, shall dismiss the Smurfs as unworthy and choose the Elves. > > Besides, having first read LOTR at age 11, I adored Galadriel. I wanted to be her when I grew up - wise, intuitive, powerful, and stunningly gorgeous. > > Inquiry: regarding your…err…disdain for Legolas. Is that movie Legolas you despise? or book Legolas? I rather liked book Legolas myself. Book!Legolas is awesome. Movie!Legolas deserves repeated punches in the kidneys until he apologizes for all his misdeeds, and NO, he will not be told what those misdeeds are, the fact that he doesn’t know just makes it worse. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/5 "2015-08-14T16:33:07Z")
By posted thing thread, you have given me the Smurfs’ theme song as an earworm. That’s a point in favor of hating all Smurfs. > [@stillownedbysetters](#): > > Inquiry: regarding your…err…disdain for Legolas. Is that movie Legolas you despise? or book Legolas? I rather liked book Legolas myself. What I was going to ask. Why should the real Legolas be held responsible for what Peter Jackson did with him? ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/6 "2015-08-14T16:47:55Z")
I’d keep hating on the Welsh, personally. But elves also include Will Ferrell and maybe Mr. Spock, so Smurfs it is. ---
**Author:** ![Sigene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df788c/32.png) [@Sigene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigene)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/7 "2015-08-14T16:56:42Z")
Smurfs aren’t real Its like the debate in “Stand By Me” between Mighty Mouse and Superman. no contest…Mighty Mouse was just a cartoon, he isn’t real. ---
**Author:** ![AnaMen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/dfb087/32.png) [@AnaMen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AnaMen)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/8 "2015-08-14T17:10:02Z")
Smurfs are mindless followers and Socialists, worthy of contempt, while elves are industrious and cheerful. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/9 "2015-08-14T17:11:30Z")
Elves. I will let the greatest Fantasy author of all time tell you why: “Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. Elves are terrific. They beget terror. The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. No one ever said elves are nice. Elves are bad.” Also, Drizzt. Man, fuck Drizzt. What a munchkin. ---
**Author:** ![Greg\_Charles](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/839c29/32.png) [@Greg\_Charles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greg_Charles)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/10 "2015-08-14T17:14:50Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Book!Legolas is awesome. Movie!Legolas deserves repeated punches in the kidneys until he apologizes for all his misdeeds, and NO, he will not be told what those misdeeds are, the fact that he doesn’t know just makes it worse. In the same vein (and pilfering your formatting), BelgianComicBook!Smurfs are way more interesting than the glurgerific AmericanCartoon!Smurfs. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/11 "2015-08-14T17:14:57Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Elves. I will let the greatest Fantasy author of all time tell you why: > > “Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. > Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. > Elves are fantastic. They create fantasies. > Elves are glamorous. They project glamour. > Elves are enchanting. They weave enchantment. > Elves are terrific. They beget terror. > The thing about words is that meanings can twist just like a snake, and if you want to find snakes look for them behind words that have changed their meaning. > No one ever said elves are nice. > Elves are bad.” Are you suggesting that I should hold Elves in contempt because they’re murderous bastards? Have we met? ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/12 "2015-08-14T17:34:13Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Are you suggesting that I should hold Elves in contempt because they’re murderous bastards? No, you should do it for the same reason I do: because they’re an entire race of Mary Sues. Other than Galadriel, she’s OK. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/13 "2015-08-14T17:51:50Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > No, you should do it for the same reason I do: because they’re an entire race of Mary Sues. > > Other than Galadriel, she’s OK. Galadriel is as wonderful as a woman can be without being Athena, madman. As to the Mary Sue allegation: that term is so variable in usage as to be meaningless. Tell me what you mean by it and why the Elves fit the usage, and I’ll consider taking you seriously. ETA: And what’s wrong with being a murderous bastard? ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 6:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/14 "2015-08-14T18:11:05Z")
Lol. Doing my world building for a Pathfinder world. The Elven Princess is described as “The lovechild of Xena and Legolas, with the added bonus of being an actual Princess”. 😃 Yes, she’s supposed to be obnoxious. ---
**Author:** ![Helena330](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/helena330/32/531_2.png) [@Helena330](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helena330)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/15 "2015-08-14T19:33:23Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Points in favor of hating all Smurfs: > [ul] > [li]Clumsy.[/li][li]Brainy.[/li][li]Smurfette and, even more so, Sassette.[/li][li]In fact, the entire fricking village, except Handy, because he was awesome.[/li][/ul] Our own **Drunky Smurf** is pretty awesome, too! ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/16 "2015-08-14T19:37:44Z")
> [@Helena330](#): > > Our own **Drunky Smurf** is pretty awesome, too! I love your brain. Elves are smelly. They need to go. ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/17 "2015-08-14T20:17:20Z")
Did anyone else misread the thread title as: More worthy of my bigoted contempt: **Elvis** or Smurfs? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/18 "2015-08-14T20:32:58Z")
> [@teela\_brown](#): > > Did anyone else misread the thread title as: > > More worthy of my bigoted contempt: **Elvis** or Smurfs? Elvis is an elvish name. Means “All-Wise.” That is why Thor killed him. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/19 "2015-08-14T20:50:58Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Galadriel is as wonderful as a woman can be without being Athena, madman. Nah, she’s just OK. She’s no Deedlit. > [@](#): > > As to the Mary Sue allegation: that term is so variable in usage as to be meaningless. Tell me what you mean by it and why the Elves fit the usage, and I’ll consider taking you seriously. They’re too fucking perfect. That’s boring. > [@](#): > > ETA: And what’s wrong with being a murderous bastard? Nothing I posted said anything about murderous bastards, so why you keep going there, I don’t know. Pratchett’s quote isn’t about Elves murdering you. It’s about them getting in your head. ---
**Author:** ![scabpicker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scabpicker/32/8268_2.png) [@scabpicker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scabpicker)\ **Post date:** [August 14, 2015, 8:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843/20 "2015-08-14T20:54:10Z")
Hate the Smurfs, [because they make far less sense.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sz9Z_tjz8s) Or maybe you should like them for that? I dunno, they might lay eggs, like a platypus. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/more-worthy-of-my-bigoted-contempt-elves-or-smurfs/727843.md?page=2)