# Mormon weddings (can o' worms?) **URL:** \ **Category:** Factual Questions\ **Created:** [November 3, 1999, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480 "1999-11-03T17:29:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 1999, 5:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/1 "1999-11-03T17:29:00Z")
I made the mistake this a.m. of not changing the radio station when Dr. Skank (a/k/a Dr. Laura) came on. A woman called in with a “moral dilemma” because she’d been invited to a Mormon wedding reception but not the ceremony and was pissed about it. Dr. Skank explained that Mormons have strict rules about who can attend wedding ceremonies and left it at that. A couple of weeks ago, a friend told me that only the parents of the couple can attend and that there’s a point in the ceremony where the couple goes into another room and the groom checks out the bride’s . . . um, equipment . . . to verify that she’s a virgin. I find this hard to believe. So, can anyone help? Is this true? And even if it is true, how can he tell? I thought that myth had been debunked decades ago… ---
**Author:** ![jane\_says](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/47e85d/32.png) [@jane\_says](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jane_says)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 1999, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/2 "1999-11-03T17:51:00Z")
I don’t know about the “equipment” but I was raised a Mormon (now non-practicing). My cousin is getting married in a Mormon ceremony in December. We have been invited but I don’t know about the particulars - ceremony itself, reception, equipment check, etc. Ick, I hope that’s not the case. Surely to God it’s not. Anyhoo, I’m not going. What kind of wedding reception has no bar? ---
**Author:** ![AWB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bb73d2/32.png) [@AWB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AWB)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 1999, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/3 "1999-11-03T17:55:00Z")
\*jane\_says: I don’t know about the “equipment” but I was raised a Mormon (now non-practicing). My cousin is getting married in a Mormon ceremony in December. We have been invited but I don’t know about the particulars - ceremony itself, reception, equipment check, etc. Ick, I hope that’s not the case. Surely to God it’s not. Anyhoo, I’m not going. What kind of wedding reception has no bar? \* A Mormon one, of course! Little known fun fact: the base of the statue on top of the Mormon Temple in Maryland (just off of the Capital Beltway) is full of beer cans. (I got this info from a construction worker who’s buddies and he were too lazy to cart down their empties, so they put them in the base.) ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 1999, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/4 "1999-11-04T06:05:00Z")
I’m not a mormon, but I do know some things about Mormon weddings. Mormons can get married in a church or inside a temple. Anyone can go into a Mormon church, but only Mormons “in good standing” are allowed inside the temple. Any Mormon “in good standing” would probably not talk about a wedding ceremony, since LDS ceremonies are supposed to be confidential. * * * J’ai assez vécu pour voir que différence engendre haine. Stendhal ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 1999, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/5 "1999-11-03T21:45:00Z")
Stay tuned. This is a question that will be posted in the feature called Cecil’s Mailbag in the next few weeks. ---
**Author:** ![torq](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@torq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/torq)\ **Post date:** [November 3, 1999, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/6 "1999-11-03T22:54:00Z")
This is not unique to the Mormons. A good friend of mine in high school was a Jehovah’s Witness, and when he got married he invited most of his friends to the reception but the wedding itself was attended pretty much by immediate family only plus two witnesses (in the lower-case w sense of “I was there; I saw it”). I believe this was a matter of doctrine and not just a personal choice. ---
**Author:** ![Joan\_Souilliere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a88e57/32.png) [@Joan\_Souilliere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joan_Souilliere)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 1999, 12:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/7 "1999-11-04T00:32:00Z")
Yup, you can’t see the actual wedding ceremony, or even ever enter the temple unless you are a member with a temple recommend.My ex- husband was married in the temple the first time, and told me that most of the ceremonies are, well, Masonic, but all are secret, with many admonishons to the individuals involved to keep them secret. It’s explained in one of the “Big Secrets” books. So don’t be offended, my current husband couldn’t attend his own brother’s wedding. ---
**Author:** ![pluto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/f08c70/32.png) [@pluto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pluto)\ **Post date:** [November 4, 1999, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/8 "1999-11-04T17:32:00Z")
I am a Mormon “in good standing” and I married in the temple. The respondents so far have been correct about attendance. You have to be a member of the Mormon church “in good standing” to attend ordinances in the temple. “In good standing” means you have been interviewed by two local church leaders (your bishop and your stake president) and it has been determined that you believe the Mormon church to be true and that you are living the commandments as taught by the church. The interview questions, paraphrased, go like this: > [@](#): > > 1. Do you believe in God? > > 2. Do you recognize Jesus as your Savior? > > 3. Do you believe the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the only true church? > > 4. Do you sustain the President of the Church, his counselors and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as prophets, seers and revelators? > > 5. Do you sustain your local church leaders? > > 6. Are you morally clean? (Definition: No sexual relations with anyone not your legal spouse.) > > 7. Do you keep the Ten Commandments? > > 8. Do you keep the Word of Wisdom? (The church’s prohibition against using alcohol, tobacco, tea and coffee. They ask about drug use, as well.) > > 9. Do you pay tithing? (You are expected to pay ten percent of your income to the church.) > > 10. Are you honest in your dealings with your fellowman? > > 11. Is there anything in regard to your behavior toward your family that is amiss? > > 12. Do you attend sacrament and priesthood meetings? > > 13. Are there any unresolved issues in your past? (Former serious sins, confessed, repented of and forsaken, are not an impediment.) > > 14. Is there anything else, not specifically asked, that you need to mention? Given the searching nature of the interview, particularly with regard to sexual morality and honesty (both included in the Ten Commandments but specifically asked again in separate questions) it is unlikely that a member would expect secret sexual ceremonies in the temple. There are none. There is certainly no “inspection”. Virginity is not even a requirement – past sexual sins, once repented of, do not disqualify someone from attending or being married in the temple. Current immoral actions, or unrepented past actions, sexual or otherwise, will prevent you from obtaining a temple recommend. Of course you only have my word for it. If you like, you can believe that all the Mormons are secretly engaged in bizarre sexual practices in their temples and lying about it, living outwardly exemplary lives but secretly practicing [insert MUL (Mormon Urban Legend) here]. There is a tremendous emphasis in the Mormon Church on living a Christ-like life and raising your children to do the same. In consequence most Mormons are alternately astonished and amused at the things we’re accused of. Mormons take a lot of heat, in this message board and elsewhere, because of the strictness of their teachings. Current social attitudes of tolerance toward behavior that was once considered sinful makes requiring obedience to “outdated” and “overly restrictive” commandments an unpopular position to take. Nevertheless, that is the position of the church and most members are glad that it is. Having said all that, I’m not oblivious to the fact that there are plenty of Latter-Day Saints who are overzealous in living the commandments, as they see them, and make life miserable for themselves and everyone around them. But the chuch’s teaching are pretty straightforward: Live the best you can and rely Christ for salvation. Christ taught that the two greatest commandments were to love God and love your neighbor. That hasn’t changed. * * * If man was meant to fly faster than the speed of sound he would have been born with 50,000 pounds of thrust. ---
**Author:** ![KSO](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@KSO](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KSO)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 1999, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/9 "1999-11-05T06:12:00Z")
Thanks for the replies. As I said in the OP, I found this bit of information hard to believe (the equipment inspection part, not that only Mormons in good standing are allowed inside the temple)–glad to know it’s not true. ---
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [November 5, 1999, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/mormon-weddings-can-o-worms/4480/10 "1999-11-05T06:18:00Z")
> [@](#): > > Of course you only have my word for it. If you like, you can believe that all the Mormons are secretly engaged in bizarre sexual practices in their temples and lying about it A big part of the reason that bizarre rumours float around about Mormon religious practices is because, unlike most other Christian churches, the Mormon religious ceremonies are closed to the public and it is forbidden to describe them in public. * * * J’ai assez vécu pour voir que différence engendre haine. Stendhal