# Moronic Cops **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 23, 2009, 10:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444 "2009-03-23T10:03:21Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Mollie\_Magill](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mollie_magill/32/20882_2.png) [@Mollie\_Magill](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mollie_Magill)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/61 "2009-03-26T12:19:57Z")
> [@E-Sabbath](#): > > Hey, Buttonjockey, what happens if you try to smash a taillight on a modern car? Got something you can try it on? Betcha it doesn’t work so well. Personally, I bet the dash camera catches it, and said crooked cop is suddenly looking for a new line of work. [QUOTE=EJsGirl] Not a maroon- he just wanted to check out your driving for a bit, then talk to you for a second and see how you responded. You seemed fine and not belligerent, so off you went. [/QUOTE] As you ( **ralph124c** , not **EJsGirl** ) mentioned in your post. You had just left a pub and took a deserted highway. The cop wouldn’t know that you just had one beer, and that you lived down that highway. My bet is that he thought he saw a potential DUI take an evasive route. He followed you for a couple of miles, and didn’t notice any poor driving, and figured a closer look wouldn’t hurt. He pulled you, noticed you were sober, told you about the tail light, and sent you on your merry way. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/62 "2009-03-26T15:42:34Z")
Well **E-Sabbath** the expandable baton or ASP if you prefer, works wonders on many modern materials. The old wooden or even poly nightsticks or PR-24 would have the bounceback effect. Honestly though, that’s more hollywood than reality. The truly bad cops who would try such a thing are going to find a more concrete yet unprovable probable cause “I witnessed the driver swerve over the center line” or “The driver turned right on red against posted traffic control sign/device” The whole punitive tail-light smash is too obvious and frankly, there are too many unknowns for that to work. You may be on your way back from your mechanic who will later testify for you that the taillight wasn’t broken when it left his shop, etc. **Maus** is right about the dash-cam. If it were up to me, they’d be in every cop car in the nation and running into a giant you-tube-style feed that could be accessed by anyone at any time. The dash cam has helped more cops than it’s hurt. The glut of TV shows highlighting dash cam vids is proof of that. ---
**Author:** ![CannyDan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cannydan/32/548_2.png) [@CannyDan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CannyDan)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/63 "2009-03-26T18:40:14Z")
> [@buttonjockey308](#): > > \ The whole punitive tail-light smash is too obvious and frankly, there are too many unknowns for that to work. \ “and the times, they are a-changin’…” ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2009, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/64 "2009-03-26T23:10:58Z")
Yeah, the ASP is a fun little toy. I wasn’t aware that it was commonly carried by police, though. Of course, it being collapsible, it’s not that visible on the belt. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/65 "2009-03-27T00:29:13Z")
Oh, I have MANY Burbank Cops stories. I’m even writing a short story about them hoping to get it printed in LA Weekly. Here’s a good one: After a shouting match with a former employer in Burbank, CA, Police came, spent over 90 minutes trying to figure out where the shouting came from. (Apparently, a person new to this country called saying they thought “a terroristic threat” was happening in our building. Those were the words used on the report.) Finally, they came to my office, I explained that the argument was over. They asked me to step outside. I explained that the argument was over again. It’s just business. They told me that when I initially left the building during the argument, I had broken an exit door. I explained that door was broken for some time. They told me to take a walk and cool down, seeing that I was “acting anxious.” Well, I actually WANTED to get back to work. I took a walk, about ten minutes and turned back to the office. One of the cops pulls up in his car, lights on. He slowly explains to me that due to the door damage, and due to my excitement, they wanted me to talk to a doctor for “just a few minutes”, or charge me with vandalism. I explained that vandalism is premeditated, so that’s not a possibility. The cop cuffed me. We picked up his partner (female) and drove me all the way to Sylmar, CA to Olive View Medical Center. On the way, the female officer kept asking about suicide. I told her, “I’m planning to live to be 110, so no I won’t commit suicide.” I should have stopped there. But, dumb me had to add, “Suicide shouldn’t be considered a crime.” That’s all they needed. When we arrived at the hospital, they filled out the paperwork, took me to a room filled with attempted suiciders, meth-heads, HIV-ridden people and explained that I was on a suicide watch. I freaked!!! I demanded to know how they came to this conclusion. The female officer wrote in her report, “During my conversation with the alleged perp, he told me 'there’s nothing wrong with suicide.” She lied. Now, to recap, it took them 90 minutes in a two-story office building to locate me, a complaint from a foreigner (NOT a citizen) whose English was quite bad, and a broken door. They were against the wall. I was shipped off to Gateway Hospital for four days (five total incarcerated in hospitals) until the Gateway staff had “observed” me enough to determine that I was not suicidal. My in-hospital hearing came, and I was released. The judge at the hospital was very confused as to how I was deemed suicidal. I related the above story to her. She said, “Yeah, they’ll do that in Burbank.” !!! (Then why the fuck did it take five days to release me?) Hold on, not done yet. I get home, of course, I’m fired (good riddance) and I open my mail. Remember when the cops gave me the choice between vandalism or doctor? The hospital told me I could not be charged, but in the mail, I’ve got a subpoena from the Prosecutor of Burbank, CA, CHARGING ME WITH VANDALISM! I had to get a lawyer. LA county prosecutors told me they couldn’t do that, but Burbank has its own way. Gateway Hospital will be another rant showing how mental health care in the US is absolute bullshit, but as far as the cops in Burbank go, shut your mouth, let them take you in if necessary, and ask for a lawyer. No statements EVER! ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/66 "2009-03-27T00:52:42Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > The OP has more issues than Reader’s Digest. Have you seen [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=501641) and/or [this](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=501362)? Ooof! And Stan is exactly right to feel this way. I sent in complaints to Sacramento, Burbank, North Hollywood and LA police about the abrupt behavior the cops displayed to me in Burbank. I’m sure nothing will happen. Even so, Burbank cops will make up any excuse to pull you over. Or detain you. My second story (much shorter) was when I left Gitana Bar around closing in 2000. I had just moved to Burbank lass than a year ago, so I didn’t really expect this: Cop asks me to come with him. I’m walking, a little buzzed, not much, and I ask why. Cop puts his hand on his holstered gun and yells, “You want me to force you?” I approach and he asks me to stand on the corner of San Fernando and Olive with two other guys. One’s tall and black, one is about 5’2" and Hispanic, and me, 5’7" white. Soon, other young men are waiting with us, all different varieties. It was winter, so it was very breezy and about 38 degrees, but I was sans jacket. 90 minutes go by, then 100, then 110. There are two cops waiting with us while others go and search for more. I’m getting WAY angry now. As I’m about to complain, I’m told I can leave. I start to walk, another cop says, “wait, we may need information from him.” I said, officer, what, in the name of what is going on?" He explained that an Armenian young man reported being attacked by two men of two different races. He asked where I was, and the guy got attacked far away. He started to walk away, but I jumped, “Officer, what were these two races?” He said, could’ve been black and/or Hispanic. I said, “You have my number.”, and walked my white ass home. Dumb fucks. ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/67 "2009-03-27T01:05:11Z")
> [@FallenAngel](#): > > The couple of times I’ve been pulled over, both erroneously, the exchange has gone like this: > > Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? > > Me: No, sir (or ma’am). While I will gladly and promptly provide my ID, insurance information and registration I will not answer any further questions or make any statement, nor will I consent to a search of the vehicle without a warrant. If you are pulling me over for suspected DUI, I will not consent to field sobriety tests, although I will provide breath or blood samples as required by law. Be aware that I will be demanding a second, independent blood test for refutation, as is my right under the law. > > Both times they’ve run my info to make sure it was valid / current and sent me on my way. I absolutely can not believe that worked ever. You must have decent, law-abiding cops in your area. I tried something similar on a pull-over in Burbank and they opened my door and pulled my out mid-sentence. Then my car was searched. I got no ticket that day either, but I was lectured as to how all they have to say was they “thought” they saw a weapon or potential weapon in my car and a search happens. They don’t need to prove they saw anything. I lived in Burbank for about 4 years. I thought it was perfect for me, but it’s really a town of podunk westerners with mom and pop stores. When the studios moved in, the money and the plush-ness of Burbank came. Big business in a teeny town. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/68 "2009-03-27T02:44:16Z")
Are you a bad cop magnet? Or are you only telling us part of the story, in each instance? ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/69 "2009-03-27T04:18:09Z")
> [@EJsGirl](#): > > Are you a bad cop magnet? Or are you only telling us part of the story, in each instance? Girly, I have NO criminal record, even after that whole mess. I have never been arrested, pulled over maybe 9 or ten times in my 38 years. I see no reason to omit any part of the story. Yes, it is ONLY my version, but isn’t this the pit? Why are so many insisting on debating me AND my stories and not sharing their own stories of bad cops? I find it frightening that so many dopers LIKE and TRUST police. I will say this: the Police are NOT on your side. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/70 "2009-03-27T16:32:48Z")
Well, generally most cops aren’t bad guys. I’m not saying all cops are great- they aren’t, and I suppose it’s true in a way that they aren’t “on your side.” Their job is to catch bad guys, and after a while I suppose that everybody looks like a potential bad guy. I am married to a former prosecutor, and our biggest family value is “don’t talk to cops.” 🙂 As a DA in an infamous county, he saw plenty of cases fucked up by dumb or bad cops, and he rarely trusts them. Having said that, I would never, ever, mouth off to a cop during a ticket, arrest or whatever. That is NOT the time to argue, unless you want to see yourself on YouTube as a tutorial on police brutality. 😉 Friendly, polite and helpful, to a point. If stopped or questioned, I would give the minimum information required, and then let them know that I have done nothing wrong, I am very willing to help them, and that I would be happy to talk about it further as soon as my attorney arrives. Police work can attract folks who score pretty high on the fascist scale, and the job can change some people who might have started out as true believers but became assholes because they deal with assholes every day. Others just want to do the job, keep their heads down and not get shot. Rarer still are the ones who want to help people, get and keep the bad guys off the street, and make a difference. ---
**Author:** ![BlinkingDuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eada6e/32.png) [@BlinkingDuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlinkingDuck)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/71 "2009-03-27T18:25:59Z")
OH OH! 🙂 I have a moronic cop story…more specifically a moronic detective story. When I was in college, I worked in a warehouse. One day, I come to work and cops are all over it. I park and walk in. I stand with a coworker and he explains the warehouse was robbed last night. The back door was crowbarred in. While we were talking, a strange man in plain clothes comes up and demands LET ME SEE THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SHOES! Ok…we show him. He looks over both of them for a good while, grunts and goes back to what he was doing. So, we stand a talk some more about things…we start to laugh/smile. The man keeps looking over at us…getting more agitated. He finally stomps over (and I do mean stomp 🙂 ) and demands: LET ME SEE THE BOTTOM OF YOUR SHOES AGAIN! The coworker, known for even more cynicism and smartassedness than me, asks: How much do you get paid? I thought the guy was going to burst a bloodvessel. I fully expected both of us to be cuffed right there. But…he stares at us for a few more seconds, then goes away (without looking at out shoes again). ---
**Author:** ![Locrian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/locrian/32/14146_2.png) [@Locrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Locrian)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/72 "2009-03-27T19:23:08Z")
> [@EJsGirl](#): > > Well, generally most cops aren’t bad guys. I’m not saying all cops are great- they aren’t, and I suppose it’s true in a way that they aren’t “on your side.” Their job is to catch bad guys, and after a while I suppose that everybody looks like a potential bad guy. > > I am married to a former prosecutor, and our biggest family value is “don’t talk to cops.” 🙂 As a DA in an infamous county, he saw plenty of cases fucked up by dumb or bad cops, and he rarely trusts them. Having said that, I would never, ever, mouth off to a cop during a ticket, arrest or whatever. That is NOT the time to argue, unless you want to see yourself on YouTube as a tutorial on police brutality. 😉 Friendly, polite and helpful, to a point. > > If stopped or questioned, I would give the minimum information required, and then let them know that I have done nothing wrong, I am very willing to help them, and that I would be happy to talk about it further as soon as my attorney arrives. > > Police work can attract folks who score pretty high on the fascist scale, and the job can change some people who might have started out as true believers but became assholes because they deal with assholes every day. Others just want to do the job, keep their heads down and not get shot. Rarer still are the ones who want to help people, get and keep the bad guys off the street, and make a difference. Exactly. When they read you the Miranda, part of it includes, “anything you say CAN and WILL be used against you.” They say “against” and never say something like, “if you talk to us, it might be used in your favor.” Uh-uh. You are guilty until proven innocent, as far as the cops go. ---
**Author:** ![Moirai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/96bed5/32.png) [@Moirai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Moirai)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 9:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/73 "2009-03-27T21:45:53Z")
> [@Locrian](#): > > … and never say something like, “if you talk to us, it might be used in your favor.” Oh sure they do- all the time. It’s classic good cop stuff- “You know, I can get the DA to go really easy on you, if you help me out. We don’t even want you- we want the other guy/guy above you/whoever. If you’re innocent, you’ve got nothing to worry about.” Less true words have never been spoken, but that’s also part of the job description. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![LouisB](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@LouisB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LouisB)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2009, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/74 "2009-03-27T21:55:01Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Yes yes, but how many people who go through yellows _really_ can’t stop safely versus the number of, “goddammit! I don’t want to sit through another fuckin’ red light!” people who plow through the intersection when the light’s been yellow long enough for them to safely stop? > > I know which ones I see most often. These are ones who will rear-end you if you attempt to stop. ---
**Author:** ![Cyberhwk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7993a0/32.png) [@Cyberhwk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cyberhwk)\ **Post date:** [March 28, 2009, 1:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/75 "2009-03-28T01:08:20Z")
> [@DianaG](#): > > Red light stop, green light go, yellow light go _very fast_. Red light means stop. Green light means go. Yellow light means hit the gas and look for cops. - Bill Engvall ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/76 "2009-04-15T12:47:59Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > Yes yes, but how many people who go through yellows _really_ can’t stop safely versus the number of, “goddammit! I don’t want to sit through another fuckin’ red light!” people who plow through the intersection when the light’s been yellow long enough for them to safely stop? > > I know which ones I see most often. Legally, as long as you are over the line and into the intersection when the light goes red, you are gold. Otherwise it is a judgment call. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/77 "2009-04-15T12:49:43Z")
> [@Arglefraster](#): > > Good point. I was reading your post as “You’re not supposed to go through yellow lights at all” rather than “You’re not supposed to gun it to make it through when you could have safely stopped.” Sorry about that. As long as you are within the speed limit at all times, you are perfectly free to “gun it”. I usually drive somewhat below the speed limit. In this case, I just coasted through, though. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 12:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/78 "2009-04-15T12:51:01Z")
> [@VinylTurnip](#): > > Tip for the OP: I got pulled over much less frequently after I removed the **FUCK THE PIGS** bumper sticker from my car. > > In your case, the “bumper sticker” appears to be some aspect of your personality. Still, you might try scraping it off with a razor. I don’t have any bumper stickers. ---
**Author:** ![Stan\_Shmenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/94ad74/32.png) [@Stan\_Shmenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stan_Shmenge)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/79 "2009-04-15T12:53:05Z")
> [@EJsGirl](#): > > Underlining mine. > > Quit acting like a whiny drama queen. I know people who have had bad cops dance the funky chicken all over their civil rights, and believe me, you have no fucking idea what it entails. We are talking life-altering problems here. > > Shut up. And exactly where do you draw the line. If cops feel they can pull over motorists without probable cause, it is only an incremental step to planting evidence, etc. Can you give me an example of “people you know” and what the specific circumstances were? ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2009, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444/80 "2009-04-15T13:15:12Z")
What? You never heard of OJ? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/moronic-cops/490444.md?page=5)