# Most absurd lies you use to tease your kids **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 9, 2017, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141 "2017-11-09T20:15:14Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![GESancMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gesancman/32/2923_2.png) [@GESancMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GESancMan)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2017, 5:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/21 "2017-11-10T17:00:10Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Sounds like your daughter has a nice sense of humor, too. I wouldn’t be sure she didn’t set you up. Oh, absolutely. She asks absurd questions like that all the time, just to see what kind of reaction she’ll get. I played along, and turned the tables on her. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Loach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/loach/32/350_2.png) [@Loach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Loach)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2017, 5:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/22 "2017-11-10T17:20:00Z")
> [@GESancMan](#): > > She asks absurd questions like that all the time, just to see what kind of reaction she’ll get. I had a first sergeant like that. Believe me, that was a lot more dangerous. ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2017, 6:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/23 "2017-11-10T18:44:05Z")
When Bricker Jr was five I told him that September was special because there were eight days in every week, the extra day being “Blurgsday,” and appearing between Thursday and Friday. He accused me of making it up. So later that day I showed him a calendar page (one that took me half an hour to create in Power Point) that confirmed Blurgsday. He was still skeptical but willing to be convinced when his mom shattered the whole experiment. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2017, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/24 "2017-11-10T19:32:09Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > He was still skeptical but willing to be convinced when his mom shattered the whole experiment. Have you seen the movie [Dogtooth](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1379182/)? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Quimby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/22d042/32.png) [@Quimby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quimby)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2017, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/25 "2017-11-10T19:38:27Z")
I was what was essentially a camp counselor for a few summers while in college. I had a weird looking key on my keying that was for a trunk I would use to bring stuff back and forth to school. The kids noticed it once and asked me what it was so I told them it was a skeleton key that could open any lock. They all believed it and it became a minor legend for a while 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2017, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/26 "2017-11-10T22:36:07Z")
I have 2 young ones in my house currently at the tooth losing stage of life. I have told them that if they never stick their tongue in the hole left by a lost tooth, a gold tooth will grow. But if they stick their tongue in the hole, the enzymes from the tongue will make a regular tooth grow. I also told them that water runs uphill at night, that’s why waterfalls never run out of water. ---
**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2017, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/27 "2017-11-10T22:42:47Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > You know those whitish spots you get on your fingernails from time to time? (Or anyway, kids do; they seem far less common for adults.) I always had them, and one day I wondered out loud what caused them. > > In a moment of sheer genius, my mother said, “That’s what happens when YOU TELL A LIE.” She probably didn’t make that up, since that was a common belief in my childhood and is pretty widespread. [Here](https://steptohealth.com/white-marks-fingernails-mean/) for example. > [@](#): > > Their origen has been the subject of urban legends for a long time. When one of these marks would appear, they thought they were for every lie you told or that they were due to an absence of calcium in your body. ---
**Author:** ![wombattver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/b77776/32.png) [@wombattver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wombattver)\ **Post date:** [November 10, 2017, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/28 "2017-11-10T22:46:57Z")
We always told the kids that we couldn’t watch tv or play video games when the sun was shining. We lived in AZ - the sun was usually shining. When my kids were 5 and 6, we got a Wii. My husband suggested we play that afternoon and my 5 yr old son was flabbergasted that the TV actually worked when the sun was out. We hadn’t realized he actually thought it was a power issue instead of a parenting rule! ---
**Author:** ![PoppaSan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/poppasan/32/189_2.png) [@PoppaSan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PoppaSan)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2017, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/29 "2017-11-11T01:34:14Z")
The world was black and white until the 1940’s and not fully color until the 60’s. That’s why there are very few color films, TV shows or photos from before then. ---
**Author:** ![purplehearingaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@purplehearingaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/purplehearingaid)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2017, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/30 "2017-11-11T01:41:37Z")
That there was an easter bunny ! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2017, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/31 "2017-11-11T04:53:46Z")
My dad told me that Lebanon bologna (which you might not have ever heard of if you’re not from or have lived in PA) was horse meat when I was about 8. I didn’t eat lebanon again until I was a full adult. ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2017, 6:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/32 "2017-11-11T06:58:43Z")
When my daughters were very young, I told them that by feeling their pulse in their wrist, I could tell whether they were lying or telling the truth. I used this on them for several years. Well, when they were about 14 & 16 years old, we were all reminiscing about funny things they used to do. I said, “And remember how I had you girls convinced that I could tell whether you were lying by feeling your pulse?” My older daughter’s jaw dropped open and she said, “You mean you couldn’t??!!” That’s when I realized I could have been using that technique all through her tween and teen years, when I really needed her to believe it was futile to lie to me! (The younger daughter was not so gullible.) ---
**Author:** ![keturah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e95f7d/32.png) [@keturah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keturah)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2017, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/33 "2017-11-11T07:22:01Z")
> [@CairoCarol](#): > > Not quite what the OP is looking for, but we have always told our son that he has numerous dead siblings buried in the yards of the houses we lived in before he was born, because those children did not meet our standards so we offed them and tried again. (It works because we were married for 16 years before our son was born, so plenty of time to produce and murder other children.) This seems pretty terrible to me, and I can’t imagine saying that to my kid. Imagine his fear if he didn’t meet “your standards”. Uggh, it makes me ill to think about it. ---
**Author:** ![jerez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/c68b51/32.png) [@jerez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jerez)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2017, 8:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/34 "2017-11-11T08:50:51Z")
^ I agree. Some of the stories upthread seem to go beyond fun and games. Kids need to learn during childhood that they must be very careful about trusting others, and they should learn at some point that their parents aren’t infallible, but some of these stories don’t sound good. I wonder if/how many of them are cases of people doing what their parents did to them. ---
**Author:** ![Aspidistra](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aspidistra/32/3894_2.png) [@Aspidistra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aspidistra)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2017, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/35 "2017-11-11T09:15:01Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > This seems pretty terrible to me, and I can’t imagine saying that to my kid. Imagine his fear if he didn’t meet “your standards”. Uggh, it makes me ill to think about it. Insofar as you can judge anyone from message board postings, I’d rate it as a high probability that **CairoCarol** is savvy enough to figure out if she’s actually at risk of freaking her son out. And to not do it. I don’t have much of a personal contribution to make to the thread. We never really got around to teaching our children that the name for the white stuff that comes out of cows is pronounced _beer_… ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2017, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/36 "2017-11-11T10:19:46Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > I did it all the time with my kids but my favorite one was with my niece and nephew. > > They were downstairs at my mother’s house watching tv. I snuck to the top of the stairs with the other remote and started to randomly change the channels. That went for a while with much enjoyment on my part until they noticed me. I was able to convince them that they touched the shoe on the ground next to the tv. It was a magic shoe and they were changing the channel every time they touched it. Similarly, I have audio and channel control buttons on the backside of my steering wheel (older car; I don’t know if newer models still have this feature). We were driving somewhere, and I was channel surfing. My nephew (about age 8) asked how I was doing that. I told him it was “mind control radio.” ---
**Author:** ![california\_jobcase](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@california\_jobcase](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/california_jobcase)\ **Post date:** [November 11, 2017, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/37 "2017-11-11T18:47:39Z")
There are Piggly Wiggly grocery stores. Only obese people can work there, and the scanner goes oink every time it reads a bar code. Primitive baptist churches are where the cave baptists go. ---
**Author:** ![CairoCarol](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cairocarol/32/3825_2.png) [@CairoCarol](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CairoCarol)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/38 "2017-11-12T00:38:39Z")
> [@keturah](#): > > This seems pretty terrible to me, and I can’t imagine saying that to my kid. Imagine his fear if he didn’t meet “your standards”. Uggh, it makes me ill to think about it. Wait, you don’t actually think we told him that in such a way that he was supposed to believe it, do you? For heaven sakes, my son knew we were joking. This may come as a surprise to you, but my family (husband and son) are the greatest joys of my life, and they both know it, and reciprocate with tremendous love and affection. It’s possible to have a sick sense of humor and still be a good person, y’know? ---
**Author:** ![JKellyMap](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jkellymap/32/15880_2.png) [@JKellyMap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JKellyMap)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/39 "2017-11-12T11:27:57Z")
> [@snowthx](#): > > Altamont Pass, which connects the SF Bay Area to the San Joaquin Valley, is home to hundreds of power-generating windmills. When we would drive thru there the while a lot of them were spinning, I would tell my kids that is how the world goes around. That’s a good one! My 6-year-old surprised me with one from one of his own friends, who claimed he had gone _uphill_ skiing over winter break. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [November 12, 2017, 12:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141/40 "2017-11-12T12:10:55Z")
I tell my kids all sorts of lies, but I made them both a deal that if they ask me if I’m telling the truth, I gotta be honest with them. Safe words are important :). [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/most-absurd-lies-you-use-to-tease-your-kids/801141.md?page=3)